Step children taking over my spouse's care legal issues. Can someone who has been through this help me with some advice or ideas?

Blended families, especially "late" ones, are often a hot mess of complicated relationships and responsibilities. Maybe ask for a "reset" with his children and have a calm discussion in the presence of a legal family mediator. If your husband has a medical diagnosis of dementia/memory impairment and he created a new PoA after this diagnosis, I'd say his children's chances of being assigned PoA are diminished. Their only other course of action would be guardianship, which is very expensive and time-consuming. And if the judge is dismayed by family in-fighting, would possibly assign guardianship to a 3rd party not related. Please consider that if you and your husband were married when his children were adults, they have very little, if any, affinity for the new portion of their family. It is difficult for adult children to learn how to trust a total stranger with someone they love, no matter how nice you think you are. Add into the mix that if you were very recently married then they may be confused about who takes care of whom in this situation. Please try to be a peacemaker first -- it will be worth it in the end.

Take a trip and have the step children look after dad for a couple weeks. See how that goes.

Who has POA? If you, unless they file for guardianship, there is nothing they can do at this point. If no one has POA, you maybe able to get it if your husband still can understand what assigning you means. If he cannot understand, then no one can get POA and guardianship has to be filed for. If you have the money, I would get that started. You need to protect yourself. We have had posts on here where a child has POA and swoops in and takes a parent out of the marital home leaving the step-parent high and dry. Depending on how long you have been married, you are entitled to at least some of the assets you have accumulated during your marriage.

I would see a lawyer to protect yourself and husband too.

I am sorry that your stepchildren are believing statements from your husband that aren’t true. Have you tried to explain the facts to them?

I would see an attorney to put your mind at ease and to prepare yourself as much as possible for your future. Best wishes to you.

How early onset, how long married?
Could his children claim he was demented when he married?
You have every right to defend yourself. His children may feel morally bound to see that he receives the best care possible and are truly concerned.
In a perfect world the best recourse would be to work together. It truly takes a village to care for someone with dementia. Some judges have been known to assign guardianship to a guardian outside the family when there is contention.
Wishing you and all concerned a way to work through this misunderstanding.
A visit with the right attorney should help you sort out your best course of action.

Another option is to divorce your husband, get your share of assets and let his children take on the monumental task of his care.

Early onset (as in "young onset") or the early stages? - how old is your husband?

Your husband's children don't like the way you are caring for him, or don't like what they hear from him about how you're caring for him? Such as - what?

How long have you been married to your husband?

How old are the children, and what are their different plans for their father's care?

The emotional heat seems to have come from some past misdemeanour, or alleged misdemeanour, that your husband is attributing to you but you have (what?) reason to believe was his previous wife's doing... Have you said as much to the children?

Seek lawyer specializing in SeniorCare, and also determine if a medical Doctor can verify the nature/amount of dementia.

I believe we need to get more information from CMESTERAS to be able to offer much more help.

There are things that you need to do or fined out.
Does any of his Kids have the magic POA?
Are any of his Kids a joint on the bank accounts.?
Please get yourself an an attorney that specializes in Elder Care.
Does he have a Will or Living Trust?
Do you have kids that will be by your side?
Have you or can change the locks on the doors.
Because when you married him, that marriage contract gave you a huge amount of power that power (will change from state to state).
Now the moral questions that need to be answered.
Do you really want to block his kids from seeing him or helping him?
Do you just want his kids to stop running you over?
Lastly there will be a point when you will need help, dementia and Alzheimer's care is not a one women show at least it shouldn't be.
How do you want to get the extra help your going to need?
Good luck