How do I get my father to complete a POA?

Ask you father if he would rather trust the words of a senior who clearly has dementia (if his kids are acting out the POA) or if logic tells him you who he knows and an attorney who has no way of benefitting are more likely to be telling him the truth. What does he know about this person who tells him stories, why does he listen to him not to those he knows and should know have his best interests at heart - nothing - so why trust what a new "friend" with dementia says.

Two things:
1) Yes, my guess would be that his friend at AL doesn’t realise that selling his house and car was a) because he didn’t need them and was never going to need them, and b) the proceeds paid for AL. Ask lots of questions about the AL friend (including how his AL bills are paid) – your father may be quite happy to indicate that he has problems, and may then think again about his ‘advice’.
2) It could be worth suggesting that your father gives the POA to two people, you and someone else outside the family that he trusts. It can be a nuisance, but the other person can always resign as POA, leaving you on your own. Or it could be ‘either to sign’, and the other person tells father that they will always keep an eye on things.

Mom and dad made me POA - evidently dad reluctantly - because while we were waiting in the DR office with other people around dad voiced his reluctance of appointing me POA because money does funny things to people. I of course was very upset and told him nicely I didn't need his money.

When we got back to the apartment I told mom if dad gave me any more trouble of being his POA I renounce it and dad would have to make someone else POA or the state could take care of him when the time came.

Never knew if mom said something to dad or if dad just later forgot, but I never heard this complaint again.

I wish you luck - its another situation where they are giving up some of their independence plus they hear the horror stories of those who take advantage of the person they have a fiduciary responsibility for.

Congratulate Dad that he has his mind and made the decision to move to the AL before all that could have happened.
Mention that the buddy at AL probably needed to sell his house and car to be able to afford the AL. Confirm that he is not asking your Dad for money or having him pay for lunches out.

Plant those seeds of understanding and drop the topic unless he brings it up.

If he is in a safe place and not being exploited by anyone (including his buddy
who has a sad-luck story), maybe you want to wait to pursue a diagnosis that could prove he is incapable of handling his own affairs until he has signed the POA?

Sure sounds like your father may have a bit more than early dementia.
I would get him evaluated and see if he is capable of signing a POA.
I never asked my parents to sign a POA. My mom decided to give me her house and wanted to have a DPOA drawn up. My dad decided that he was going to do the same. We went to our first attorney and she said she would not do it because my dad had dementia. She sent me to one of her colleagues who was a promenade attorney in the area. He said he would do it but if we were to come back and make updates, he would not do it since he believed my dad had dementia as well. He also sent the entire package home with my dad to review on his own time. Right now, my dad would most likely not agree to do any of that.
His dementia is worse but he has good days and knows just what he's saying/doing. And tells me he doesn't remember going to our attorney and signing any DPOA!
But if you feel he is capable, I would have a nice talk with him and explain exactly what you objective is. He might come around.
Good luck.

I finally convinced my dad to sign the POA and will by telling him 1. I didn’t care who he appointed as long as he picked someone and 2. If he didn’t sign the estate would go to probate and any money would be used up by lawyers fees. I also showed him my retirement account to show him I didn’t need his money.

I would bet the man he was talking to has Dementia. The money, house and car being sold were probably done to be able to place the man in an AL. The man just no longer understands even if its been explained to him.

You may want to explain to Dad if he does not assign you then you can't step in when he needs help. That without someone assigned POA the State may step in and then a stranger will make decisions for him.

You are pushing too hard, I think. Bow out of the conversation and just let the attorney handle it, because you're looking to your dad like the money-grubbing children of his friend. No, it doesn't make sense, but that's what he's thinking.

Frankly, I'm surprised the attorney is involved with you at all. He works for your dad, not you, and he shouldn't be in cahoots with anyone he doesn't work for.

I'd not push him to make me his POA.

My MIL refused to make any kind of long terms plans, and while I do not care whether she'd leave us anything (unlikely) she just thought that 'somehow' all her stuff would be taken and split 3 ways for her kids.

No, it would be a hot nightmare and I'd want no part of it!!

FINALLY--I 'made up' a story about a woman in my neighborhood who passed away and her family was locked out of her home while the state cleared out all her stuff. MIL was horrified and said 'they go through your underwear?' I said "They go through everything. IF you don't have directions for your final wishes, we can't even pay for your funeral costs".

She got DH and hotfooted it to an attorney. Good thing, too, because it's about the last time she was 'of sound mind'.

Dh doesn't trust anybody so I have no idea whom she has chosen to finalize her wishes. Gosh, I hope it's not my DH, but I am afraid it is.

BTW, her daughter has PoA, thank goodness, DH could NOT handle that.

If your father has been readily convinced of such problems by a buddy in AL, I’d be concerned about whether he was still in possession of “solid cognitive understanding”.

Sometimes the line between “early signs of dementia” and ongoing shift to more serious problems can move quickly.

Why doesn’t he trust you or his lawyer? Why does he assume that the other party is a better advocate?

Agree with funkygrandma59... make sure to stress that "someone" will need to be his legal advocate once he is no longer able to act in his own best interests. This means the county will pursue guardianship and the his own family will no longer have any control or say about where he resides or his medical care and no one will have any insight into his finances any more (except the county).

Also stress that if he doesn't sign a PoA it may force his family to pursue guardianship themselves and this is very expensive, time consuming and emotionally draining. Also, if he has more than 1 adult child it could set up a power struggle, which would be to his detriment.

Ask him why he would knowingly do this to his family? It may be that he is no longer able to think reasonably or logically any more. I mean, if a lawyer can't convince him...

My only other strategy is to go to either Legalzoom.com or Rocketlawyer.com and purchase and download a set of blank PoA docs (there's a process for getting it customized for authority and per state). Have the docs with you at all times and just keep *gently* asking him if he's willing to sign them now. You will need to know if non-family witnesses and a notary are required by his state, and if there are any on the premises or where the nearest one is. Wishing you success in getting this in place.

Perhaps if you explain to him that if you or someone else he trusts doesn't have both POA's, then the state will take over his care if and when the times come, and will be the ones making all his decisions for him. And if he waits too long and his cognitive decline worsens, he will no longer be able to assign anyone legally.
Also if need be, you can apply for guardianship with the courts, but that of course cost thousands of dollars.
The lawyer too can make sure that the durable POA, only comes into effect if and when your dad loses his mental abilities, which might make him feel better as well. Good luck.