I used to think my dad would “fake” not understanding to not have to deal with more difficult/complex things or to get people to leave him alone (which he very much wanted), but as time goes on I think he legitimately COULDN’T process anything or deal with people because of the dementia, not the other way around. It was just too overwhelming for a brain that wasn’t functioning correctly.
I think the better question is do they fake 'helplessness'? My father did that all the time. He couldn't be bothered to help himself, preferred I do as much as possible for him. It is like he didn't even know me as I rarely tolerated that kind of behavior. Didn't stop him from trying.
My dad was the same way. Truth be told, he spent his entire life with my mom being taken care of so it stood to reason how helpless he seemed.
My husband's uncle was recently diagnosed with dementia, went into the hospital for a routine procedure and was transferred to an LTC after the diagnosis. The family is in huge denial and are waiting for him to get better and come home.
Dementia ebbs and flows; some days the patient seems their old selves, other days not so much. I've tried to explain it like a child that leaves home. They may come to visit and act like their younger selves but the fact of the matter is that version is gone and you'll only see their old selves in snatches of time. Best of luck.
It's funny, I often wonder how much is real and how much is fake? I've wondered the same thing too, and the conclusion I have reached is that it is all dementia-related behavior. Let's face it- normal people don't act like this.
The issue is that the people who 'act like this' aren't 'normal people'. Whether you blame them or not, they probably have always had personality/ behavioral shortcomings.
Please, please, please, don't treat someone cynically whose mind is failing. Have them checked out to find out what's really going on. Also take the time to educate yourself on dementia and what it looks like. No one is expected to be an expert the minute dementia rears its head, but make the effort to learn about the condition so you're better able to understand what may be going on. Check out Teepa Snow videos on YouTube and the Alzheimer's Association website (alz.org) to begin.
It would be unspeakably cruel to dismiss someone's health issues as an attention-getting tactic.
Im no expert here but I have thought that as well. It's taking me time to ACCEPT that my 85 year old Mom's brain is really deteriorating because of course I do not want to believe it. We went thru Women's Lib together ❤. She ran our household. She took care of my late Dad and his company. She has always been, and still is hard on only me. My brothers get away with murder (not literally). I always thought she hated me...maybe she really does but here I am trying to take care of her anyway. Demensia is a mind blast for all of us to handle. It makes me feel sad beyond belief. It makes me cry my heart out when she can't remember what I just said...crazy when I have to repeat myself a million times (so it seems). Now she's waking up early and opening all the doors and then goes back to bed and forgets then rips me to shreds for leaving doors open or she thinks someone else did it or that someone is in our home. Certainly this can't be faking? I am grateful for all the people in this forum because I can be honest and not get my head ripped off for feeling helpless or angry sometimes. I don't think it's fake and my heart hurts for you. Hugs
I can sympathize, but I “think” the original question was not actually faking the dementia, but faking stuff to get attention.
My mom was completely different with me than others. She would tell me she was sick then tell others she was fine. It’s very hard to deal with what’s real. It’s like they know who they can manipulate. When a person has been like that PRIOR to dementia, it’s hard to decipher.
I can't imagine anyone faking dementia. I never once thought that of my mother. My brother who lives at home has memory problems due to a major fall and hit his head. It is extremely forgetful. I did have him tested but neuro found no dementia but he does have memory loss from the fall which it can progress to dementia per his neurologist. We keep a close eye on him. I know he does not fake his memory loss. What is the point to it. My mother on occasion complained that she does not have to feed herself because others do it for her. I did leave her alone one day, but I was peaking at her in the other room. I told her not to touch the food and when I left she picked up her spoon and started feeding herself. I even said to my niece we probably do too much for her and that might not be a good thing. I do not mind doing anything for my mom, but in the long run it is best to do as much as one can for themselves, but not with a lot of difficulty.
I can't imagine that anyone would fake having dementia, as there are so many other ways to get attention. Perhaps it's time to have her take a mental capacity test ordered by her neurologist. That will better help you understand exactly what is going on. Best wishes.
Maybe a person who has OTHER mental issues would think of faking dementia as a prank. The only other reason would be if someone had done something wrong or made a serious mistake, and was trying to use dementia as an excuse.
Dementia may allow them to think any behaviour is fine if it achieves an immediate need. An example: My mother wanted me (only me) to be there for her 24/7. She dramatically struggled down 4 porch steps and 50’+ over to me and my husband, using a mop as a crutch, to show us that she is now so helpless that she couldn’t make it the extra 3’ across the room to reach her walking stick. In the midst of this display a neighbour appeared. She became distracted from the point she was trying to make to us and walked over to chat.
It reminded me of one of my children going limp in an attempt to postpone the end of a friend’s birthday party. Until I started to walk to the car with his loot bag at which point he scampered after me to check its contents.
I can completely relate. I remember driving my parents to doc appts from the LTC and one day they misbehaved so much I pulled the car over and told them they needed to cut me some slack or there would be no stop for coffee and donuts. (it worked but she pouted the rest of the day :-)))
Yes, my dreadful father was doing it the last time I saw him (a round trip to the UK from Oz – perhaps I was potty to bother). Any difficult topic, he would get wide eyed and make answers that sounded not quite there. I could pick it was faking because of long long experience with him (and I could usually guess why he was slipping out of discussing the item). I have not had enough experience with dementia to know if his ‘fake’ was spot on. He was quite sane when he was being nasty. I talked to the director of the NH, and she said that she had suspected the same thing.
My guess is that it would be hard to pick without experience with the person’s previous bad behavior. And I also suspect that acting it was actually risking his ability to pick when to do it and when not to. Acting ‘mad’ can send you down that path for real, unless you are very careful.
I can tell you from experience that a person will fall into familiar behaviors and speech patterns that will make them seem the same. Dementia doesn't begin from day one as "who areyou?" It's a little like a pile of leaves that blow away a few at a time. Some days a little wind kicks up and takes a bunch, other days just a couple, but the effect is cumulative.
My mother always pretended to be a helpless victim and gaslighted us. She would also make things up to stir up drama, and lie. She was always mean and abusive. So when she started to decline cognitively it was a hard to tell if she was just lying or trying to gain attention or if she was experiencing dementia. And no one wanted to try and guide her as she would accuse those nearest of foul deeds. And other people around her believed her tall tales. And boy could she (and still can in advanced dementia) turn on the charm when needed.
Bottom line it was difficult for me to tell, but deep down inside I knew something was wrong, but really could not intervene. I called APS several times and they spent maybe ten minutes with her and found nothing amiss. When she really started to decline she failed to see that anything was really wrong, even though she was in a total mess and made many bad financial decisions. My mother kept anyone with a brain in their head at bay, and drove family and friends away.
Like I said, there was a feeling in my gut that something was different. She tried hard to cover up for her decline. And she was successful for many years. I later discovered, talking to people around her (like the pharmacist, her hairdresser, and even her financial advisor) that they thought her odd behavior was “funny and cute.” Oh that infuriated me.
Even if you suspect he is “faking,” please keep a close eye on him. I had to wait until my mother was finally hospitalized for a third time and finally diagnosed with cognitive decline before I could take action. But by then her finances and life were a disaster.
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My husband's uncle was recently diagnosed with dementia, went into the hospital for a routine procedure and was transferred to an LTC after the diagnosis. The family is in huge denial and are waiting for him to get better and come home.
Dementia ebbs and flows; some days the patient seems their old selves, other days not so much. I've tried to explain it like a child that leaves home. They may come to visit and act like their younger selves but the fact of the matter is that version is gone and you'll only see their old selves in snatches of time. Best of luck.
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It would be unspeakably cruel to dismiss someone's health issues as an attention-getting tactic.
Demensia is a mind blast for all of us to handle. It makes me feel sad beyond belief. It makes me cry my heart out when she can't remember what I just said...crazy when I have to repeat myself a million times (so it seems). Now she's waking up early and opening all the doors and then goes back to bed and forgets then rips me to shreds for leaving doors open or she thinks someone else did it or that someone is in our home. Certainly this can't be faking?
I am grateful for all the people in this forum because I can be honest and not get my head ripped off for feeling helpless or angry sometimes.
I don't think it's fake and my heart hurts for you.
Hugs
My mom was completely different with me than others. She would tell me she was sick then tell others she was fine. It’s very hard to deal with what’s real. It’s like they know who they can manipulate. When a person has been like that PRIOR to dementia, it’s hard to decipher.
My brother who lives at home has memory problems due to a major fall and hit his head. It is extremely forgetful. I did have him tested but neuro found no dementia but he does have memory loss from the fall which it can progress to dementia per his neurologist. We keep a close eye on him. I know he does not fake his memory loss. What is the point to it.
My mother on occasion complained that she does not have to feed herself because others do it for her. I did leave her alone one day, but I was peaking at her in the other room. I told her not to touch the food and when I left she picked up her spoon and started feeding herself. I even said to my niece we probably do too much for her and that might not be a good thing. I do not mind doing anything for my mom, but in the long run it is best to do as much as one can for themselves, but not with a lot of difficulty.
Perhaps it's time to have her take a mental capacity test ordered by her neurologist. That will better help you understand exactly what is going on. Best wishes.
It reminded me of one of my children going limp in an attempt to postpone the end of a friend’s birthday party. Until I started to walk to the car with his loot bag at which point he scampered after me to check its contents.
My guess is that it would be hard to pick without experience with the person’s previous bad behavior. And I also suspect that acting it was actually risking his ability to pick when to do it and when not to. Acting ‘mad’ can send you down that path for real, unless you are very careful.
Bottom line it was difficult for me to tell, but deep down inside I knew something was wrong, but really could not intervene. I called APS several times and they spent maybe ten minutes with her and found nothing amiss. When she really started to decline she failed to see that anything was really wrong, even though she was in a total mess and made many bad financial decisions. My mother kept anyone with a brain in their head at bay, and drove family and friends away.
Like I said, there was a feeling in my gut that something was different. She tried hard to cover up for her decline. And she was successful for many years. I later discovered, talking to people around her (like the pharmacist, her hairdresser, and even her financial advisor) that they thought her odd behavior was “funny and cute.” Oh that infuriated me.
Even if you suspect he is “faking,” please keep a close eye on him. I had to wait until my mother was finally hospitalized for a third time and finally diagnosed with cognitive decline before I could take action. But by then her finances and life were a disaster.
Always keep a close eye on a senior. That's how you'll know.