Parents are both 85 and own a home free and clear but their IRA is nearly tapped out. I have a brother, almost 50 years old, who has been supported by them since birth and they currently spend about 5000 per month on his support. They get about 4000 per month from Social Security and an annuity so they can afford their own living expenses but not his. If brother tries to talk them into a Reverse Mortgage can I stop it with a durable POA?
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I hope you have explained to them that they will be disqualified from receiving Medicaid assistance due to gifting, unless they have a legally promulgated "caregiver contract" whereby your brother is being paid for his services to them.
Have you made it clear to them (and resolved it in your own mind) that YOU will not be stepping in when they need more care?
If they are competent, they are free to make dumb choices and suffer the consequences.
At one point we went through a similar struggle with my in-laws when my mother-in-law was still alive. My husband had DPOA for both medical and financial for both his parents. And one time when my MIL didn't like my husband's advice, she snipped at him "Well I can cancel your DPOA" to which my husband said "Go right ahead!" The look on his parents' faces was priceless. They treated him better after that.
Your parents have an unhealthy relationship with your brother. They are co-dependent. Time to put your big girl pants on and tell them how things need to be or else you cannot help them because you will not enable their bad decisions.
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I hope he doesn't think you are the milk wagon.
Sorry to say, that they supporting your brother may effect them being able to get Medicaid help in future. Its considered gifting.
Brother needs to be told the gravy train is no longer. That he has taken all he can. The house is all your parents have if they need future care and reversed mortgages are not always a good fix.
I don't live off of 5k a month.
Yours may be a question for an elder law attorney or Medicaid planner for their state.
Is there any particular reason your parents won't say no to your brother?
Having DPOA gives you no authority until your parents are deemed mentally incompetent and until then any determination is entirely at their discretion. And from there you need to consider objectively what your parents would wish to do under the circumstances (and not how unjust his favoritism has been) since your role is to act as they would themselves - even if reckless, even if to your own detriment.
Sadly, avoiding conflict of interest is your moral obligation although priority must be toward providing your parents with safe and supportive care for the duration.
I don't know if (or under what circumstances) you could override their decisions, but each POA document has its own provisions.
What's that all about?
Tell us more about your brother.
If they are gifting your brother $5K/month, there will be a big problem for Medicaid eligibility down the road. Or are you going to be their caregiver? What is it that you do for them now?
What are YOUR plans for their future, because it sounds like they don't have any (other than possibly assuming YOU will be the caregiver).
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