Early signs of dementia or just a lazy mind?

Could be any of the options you have suggested. As long as POA is sorted out in case of her becoming incapable I would just keep an eye on ensuring she can manage safely. If it is not in place then maybe a cognitive check by Dr will help in getting her to have POA drawn up and give you an idea if it is just age decline or something a bit more.

Your mom may be more affected than you think. People with some dementias can continue to interact socially fairly well. But..she may not remember any of the conversations you're having or what's going on during her day. When you get ready for the doctor's visit let the provider know ahead of time about your concerns, or pass along a note at check in that details what you've noticed. They will run some bloodwork and probably check for a UTI as part of the 'ruling out' process. They may do a referral to a neurologist or neuropsychologist for cognitive testing. Know that it's ok to just agree with your mom when she's not right about something. No matter what the cause, she's experiencing some losses, and not arguing with her reality will keep her in a less stressed state of mind, and help keep you sane. You will see a reduction in her defensiveness. Think about if she needs some extra support-is she taking her meds correctly (check her pill bottles)? Is three houses too much?

Good threads here, and a dedicated spouse thread:
https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx?g=topics&f=151

I found these very helpful:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqmqC-702Yg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIkTO4d8YyI
http://www.dementiacarestrategies.com/12_pt_Understanding_the_Dementia_Experience.pdf
https://tamcummings.com/stages-of-dementia/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilickabmjww

Best wishes,

It could be 'nothing' or it could be 'something'. But at 81, I'd lean toward it being something more than nothing. Especially if you notice more odd behaviors going on with your mother. Here is a list of 10 things to be on the lookout for:

Sign 1: Memory loss that affects day-to-day abilities
Is the person you know, forgetting things often or struggling to retain new information?
It's normal to occasionally forget appointments, colleagues’ names or a friend’s phone number only to remember them a short while later. However, a person living with dementia may forget things more often or may have difficulty recalling information that has recently been learned.

Sign 2: Difficulty performing familiar tasks
Is the person you know, forgetting how to do a typical routine or task, such as preparing a meal or getting dressed?
Busy people can be so distracted from time to time that they may forget to serve part of a meal, only to remember about it later. However, a person living with dementia may have trouble completing tasks that have been familiar to them all their lives, such as preparing a meal or playing a game.

Sign 3: Problems with language
Is the the person you know, forgetting words or substituting words that don’t fit into a conversation?
Anyone can have trouble finding the right word to express what they want to say. However, a person living with dementia may forget simple words or may substitute words such that what they are saying is difficult to understand.

Sign 4: Disorientation in time and space
Is the person you know, having problems knowing what day of the week it is or getting lost in a familiar place?
It's common to forget the day of the week or one's destination – for a moment. But people living with dementia can become lost on their own street, not knowing how they got there or how to get home.

Sign 5: Impaired judgement
Is the person you know, not recognizing something that can put health and safety at risk?
From time to time, people may make questionable decisions such as putting off seeing a doctor when they are not feeling well. However, a person living with dementia may experience changes in judgment or decision-making, such as not recognizing a medical problem that needs attention or wearing heavy clothing on a hot day.

Sign 6: Problems with abstract thinking
Is the person you know, having problems understanding what numbers and symbols mean?
From time to time, people may have difficulty with tasks that require abstract thinking, such as using a calculator or balancing a chequebook. However, someone living with dementia may have significant difficulties with such tasks because of a loss of understanding what numbers are and how they are used.

Sign 7: Misplacing things
Is the person you know, putting things in places where they shouldn't be?
Anyone can temporarily misplace a wallet or keys. However, a person living with dementia may put things in inappropriate places. For example, an iron in the freezer, or a wristwatch in the sugar bowl.

Sign 8: Changes in mood and behaviour
Is the person you know, exhibiting severe changes in mood?
Anyone can feel sad or moody from time to time. However, someone living with dementia can show varied mood swings – from calmness to tears to anger – for no apparent reason.

Sign 9: Changes in personality
Is the person you know, behaving in a way that's out of character?
Personalities can change in subtle ways over time. However, a person living with dementia may experience more striking personality changes and can become confused, suspicious or withdrawn. Changes may also include lack of interest or fearfulness.

Sign 10: Loss of initiative
Are you, or the person you know, losing interest in friends, family and favourite activities?
It's normal to tire of housework, business activities or social obligations, but most people regain their initiative. However, a person living with dementia may become passive and disinterested, and require cues and prompting to become involved

If mom hasn't been to the dr for a while, it might be time to take her back and have her PCP do the basic cognitive evaluation: I'll give your 3 words repeat them back to me; draw the face of a clock, put in the numbers, set the time to 11:10; repeat the words I gave your previously. Depending on how she does - you go from there.

It could be a number of things or nothing. My mother is 88 and the RN sent by Insurer just did the cognitive test on mom and she passed. She has been diagnosed with MCI (Mild Cognitive Impairment) - she complains that the shut down made her MCI worse - that may be. Mom has always been slow in picking the words she uses (when younger and living at home I used to finish her sentences). I have noticed that she speaks even slower these days. But she is living in an IL facility; doesn't have to cook; has housekeeping every other week.

My grandmother in her later years experienced TIAs and you could see her go fuzzy for a few moments then she'd come back.

My father had AD. While in the early stages he still drove but his AD got worse his driving diminished and once left for a funeral but came back home because he got lost. (Oh the nightmares I had before he finally agreed to stop driving.) Even before he died (unrelated to his dementia) he could hold a conversation though sometimes he wasn't all there.

I'm sorry but I feel calling them intellectually lazy to be demeaning. Don't be upset about them not being intellectually curious - at their age maybe I would be less curious about what goes on around me - especially with all the continuous turmoil and hate reported these days. As for watching shows that enforce their biases - don't most of us?

In hindsight my mom was likely diagnosed in 2003. Back then I was relocating and she told me she was sick (I eventually came to believe she had been trying to manipulate me into staying).

I noticed by approx 2010 (she was 85) she was parroting conversations that had just taken place. By 2015 she was starting to become easily agitated, as well as, paranoid and prone to embellishing more. Dad indulged her and when I spoke to him privately asking if she was okay he'd always deny there was a problem.

By 2017 she had stopped coming to the phone as frequently (I realize now it's because she didn't want me to know she had dementia. I remember being 8 yrs old and her saying "never put me in a home. Promise me you won't")

I suspect had her little old body not broken down and made it impossible for my dad to take care of her on his own, they would have continued on. I got them to safety in Sept 2018 by at least in getting them into LTC room together and we lost her 6 months later but at least it was easier on him because he was surrounded by caregivers who had known the woman he loved.

In my heart of hearts I knew something was going on. Trust your instincts and good luck.

I really don't like the phrase "lazy mind". Its kind of condescending.

I am so ready to have what you call a "lazy mind". When I retired I thought, great I don't have to think anymore. Well from 2011 to 2017 thats all I did, Forms, Forms, Forms. Helping nephew get his Medicaid and SSD. Working with local and state Disability Depts. Then my Mom was diagnosed with Dementia. Getting her placed in an AL and later LTC. Forms. After her death, minding her house until it sold 2 yrs later. Then, my GS had a brain operation and for the last year helping him with unemployment and Disability. Forms again. I will be glad when I don't have to think anymore. I don't have to fill out another form.

As we age there is some cognitive decline. If your parents are happy with the status quo, then let them be. With the world the way it is now, they don't really need to know what's going on or travel. They are too old to change things.

Sounds like my mom. We're trying to get to the bottom of exactly what we're dealing with. Very strange way of speaking now, makes lots of excuses, etc.

We've done blood work and everything was fine, including B12, thyroid and vitamin D. All can lead to issues. Some meds can cause confusion so I've worked with docs to eliminate/reduce these. So far, have not found any cause and minor med changes have not helped at all.

Next stop is a sleep study since in the fall when in hospital from knee replacement, nurse thought she might have sleep apnea which could definitely be a contributor to wacky behavior and confusion.

The other day I said to her " that should do the trick" and she was very confused. "The trick??". Yes, it's a saying. That I've probably used hundreds of times.

Just goes on and on and on. Some days, I can barely stand it.

Taking her back to doc that made med changes a month ago to see what's next on our agenda. Blood work to compare for any positive or negative changes.

At some point I think I want a CT scan or something to show if she does have dementia or if we end up in the AZ category if no cause is found.

She sounds like my MIL(91). Her conversations have been worrying over the past few years but when she stopped paying bills this past fall, we had our diagnosis (Dr visit underwhelmed, she just said 'it doesn't surprise me that she has memory issues' and diagnosed her with small vessel disease). My husband and I are both very intellectual and educated, and she is not. She lived a simple life with the only travel she was interested in was to the casino. We went to Europe and I'm into genealogy and the only thing she could every say to me is 'Why are you interested in any of that?' Not in a mean way, but she has just genuinely never understood any sort of intellectual pursuit. But anyway, lines were blurred for many years on what was going on.
And the whole gas station thing and the 'parroting' what other people say has been common in MIL too. For a while. You may be at the start of the journey, but it may be a long one. It has been for us, and without proper testing and a real diagnosis, it is just one day at a time.

After doing years of doing language diagnosis I grew to omit the word “lazy” from use describing anything, because if you consider, it really is pretty meaningless.

For example in this case, what would the opposite of “lazy” be? If someone is “lazy” how should they be expected to act to be “not lazy”?

I’m fine with “confused preoccupied forgetful inattentive……” any of those and more, but “lazy” implies a deliberate lack of…….something?

Since lockdown and subsequent Covid infection, I’ve had symptoms like your mother’s. I’d certainly prefer that observers would be congruent with the fact that the changes in our recent lives have been fairly devastating to some of us.

On the other hand, if she is not seen on a fairly regular basis by a medical professional who is keeping track of her blood pressure, blood chemistries, basic good health practices for 80 year olds, YES, it’s definitely time for that.

I understand your concern, OP, and I’m not criticizing you. Just continue to be a good observer.

My in laws are similar in age, and in the last few years we’ve seen that any change in routine often completely upsets the apple cart. Having company over, doing extra activities, anything different than the norm throws them for a loop and they become more forgetful. Keep an eye on it, sadly, if it were to be dementia there’s little to do outside of getting plans in motion. Enjoy the time you have now

As we age there is some cognitive decline. As you said she tends to daydream. I can do that too and not hear a thing going on around me. We got gas too one day at our regular place. I was on the phone while DH pumped. I didn't remember getting gas.

But it would hurt to have Mom get a good physical. Labs will tell her how her numbers are. There could be something physical. Thyroid does a job on the body if out of wack. Low potassium, high sugar and dehydration can produce Dementia type symptoms. The doctor can perform a cognitive test but in early stages she may do well.

You might be over reacting. You might not be. Visits can throw off routines
This is one incident that you observed. You do not live near and visit often so little things my be brushed off as having no meaning.
But you take all the little incidents that happen daily or more often in a day and you assemble them into a picture that has meaning.
Does your sibling have more contact with mom than you do? If so what have they noticed?
Do you call often? Think back to calls over the past year. Anything now seem odd or different?
What does dad say? Often a spouse is “covering up” incidents and making excuses. They may or may not even realize they are doing this.
It might be worth a mention to their doctor. If they have you listed on their medical forms you could send a message. Typically doctors might do a MME exam as part of a yearly physical. At least some doctors are. If there is need an appointment with a Neuropsychologist would be a good idea. Not only do they do the mental exams they will take into consideration the person’s educational level when assessing results.