Do we put Dad in nursing home?

45 years? At 47 why couldn't Dad live alone. But onto the problem at hand.

Dad needs to be placed. You can't care for both. If he has accumulated money living with you, use it. An Assisted living would be my choice depending on his health problems. If he is considered 24/7 care, then Medicaid may pay for his care.

You DH is going to need a lot of help adjusting. He will need to be taught how to live in a blind mans world. My GFs Dad lost his sight the same way. She used to give him the leaf blower and point him in the right direction.

Your husband is your first priority, IMO, “forsaking all others.”

He is facing a huge, terrifying change in his life. So is your father-in-law. And *you*.

I suggest you look into moving as soon as possible into a senior living community, all of you. Your husband needs any change of location that addresses both of your future needs while he can still see. Simplifying your lives, downsizing, and simplifying your home layout would help him navigate and take care of things more easily in the future. It would help you by removing complexities in your life that your current home is now pushing onto you, and let you focus on your husband. If it is the sort of senior community that had a combination of independent living homes, assisted living apartments, and more extensive care/memory care/nursing home areas in the same community it would make it easier to keep your father-in-law in your lives but without the care difficulties. “Home” is the people you are with, not the walls and floors.

There are quite a few of these mixed need senior communities around most major metro areas, and even in many small towns. Do some searches, and talk with your husband, and see if this sort of move might make your future lives together easier. I’m sorry you are all having to deal with this.

I'm not sure you are aware, but it is not that easy to just place someone in a nursing home. It generally costs between $10k- $14k a month. Assisted living facilities are less expensive, but still will cost $6-$10k a month. Medicaid will pay for nursing home care if the resident is impoverished AND is medically in need of nursing home care. If medical professionals deem that he is not medically at need of skilled nursing care, Medicaid will not pay. Medicaid also generally doesn't pay for assisted living.

I think that if you present it to your husband as you caring for both him and his dad will just be too much for you, and that he is and always will be your number 1 priority, perhaps he will finally get that yes, in fact his dad needs to be placed in the appropriate facility.
Like Countrymouse said, it may be easier if the facility is close to you both, so he can visit when he wants.
You have more than paid your dues when it comes to caring for his dad, and now it's time for you and hubby to live out your years on your own, Best wishes.

"Placement comes first."

Meaning - first of all, research and select a nursing home that you believe your husband can be persuaded is right for his father. It should be nearby, so that you can take your husband frequently to visit his Dad; and ideally it will offer a short-term placement to begin with so that he can stay initially on a trial basis (which will at least give you and DH a breathing/thinking space). Have you had a look at what's available near you?