Parent refuses to sign a medical and durable or springing POA. What happens when she can no longer make this decision?

Can she tell you how decisions will be made for her when/if she becomes incapable of making her own decisions? What is her plan here? Perhaps this question would encourage her to think about her future.

Can you tell your mother that what will happen because of her refusal to do legal documentation is she will make the lives of you and your sibling that much harder?
You two are her next of kin. So you'll be the ones making her medical decisions and financial decisions concerning what she currently owns as her share of assets and property. Only if she becomes incapacitated, you and your sibling will have to go through all the red tape of probate court to have one or both of you appointed for conservatorship/guardianship. There will also have to be lawyers involved (one representing her, and one representing you and your sibling) and they have to be paid too.
Neither you or your sibling will be able to help her at all if she doesn't do these documents. In fact, you won't even be able to remove her name from a bank account or close out her credit cards if she's in a facility.

Tell her what will happen when the sh!t hits the fan - and she is incapable. Then tell her - and mean it - if something happens and she has no POA, you are OUT OF THE PICTURE - HER PROBLEM, LET HER TAKE CARE OF IT.....YOU ARE WALKING AWAY. Hopefully that will scare her enough to let you have what you need.

You cannot let this go or it will blow up in your face sooner than later. You MUST get help from an eldercare attorney about this and how to handle it. It may be possible that you will need to get a guardianship so you can take over. This is horrible and it will have grave consequences if nothing is done now. Do not let this go.

kew92970: Imho, you should see an elder law attorney.

Kew, perhaps you should encourage your mom to speak with an attorney that can help her fully understand exactly what a Durable Health Care Power of Attorney (DHCPOA) is and how it helps her.

If she really understood, she would not have a problem signing it. Because it only becomes effective when she CAN NOT speak for herself. Honestly, she doesn't want a hospitalist to be making care decisions for her. My dad would have died because of this very situation. I have found that hospitalists, the ones we trust with our lives, are the vast majority one's that could not make it in private practice and are not the brightest crayons in the box. Does anyone want someone like that deciding if they get treatment or a toe tag?

An attorney would also have her living will attached, that way any provider would know what actions are desired by her, for her end of life or critical condition care.

As far as a General Durable POA, it sounds like it isn't real needed. If she has made someone a joint account holder on all of her assets then nothing more is needed.

Because a POA ends at death the way she has set everything up is far better.

Best of luck getting her choices protected. Sometimes though we have to step back and honor the fact that their choices are not necessarily the best ones, nor do their choices always have the optimal outcomes but, they are their choices and that is the difficult part.

Everyone over 18 needs a POA! I would explain to her that the POA is springing (not all POA's are) which means that you and your sibling have no authority until is declared by one or two doctors (depending on how it was set up) to be unable to make decisions on her own. Many seniors fear that when they give someone a POA then they lose the ability to speak for themselves, a springing POA protects a senior from this happening.

Also, explain to her that if she chooses not to sign a POA then if something happens and she is unable to make her own decisions then you and your siblings will not legally have any input as to what happens to her. You should know her wishes as POA and can ensure that her wishes are honored.

A POA always has to act in the best interest of the person they serve. It sounds to me like your mom just needs to know you know her wishes and as POA will make sure her wishes are honored.

Yes, let it go.
She'll sign it when she's ready.
Ya'll Co own everything and on all accounts so there really isn't a problem as if she ever gets where she can't make a decision, the next of kin will be asked.

You might ask her thoughts on if she wants to be resuscitation if the time comes

You indicate no reason why she needs to give you POA. If she’s mentally sound and going to the hospital for other reasons, she is justified in wanting to manage her affairs (even if she’s hard of hearing, visually impaired, takes longer to process information and needs your help … a lot).

A better strategy may be to get mom to tell to doctors, hospitals, banks, utility companies, etc. that she authorizes you to converse with them to understand details and handle the paperwork. You also become the email contact. The only thing it doesn’t do is let you usurp mom’s decisions - and if she’s competent, you really don’t have that right,

It sounds like she's acting from a place of fear, so figuring out where that fear is coming from, and how you can mitigate it, might help. Can you tell what her complaint is with signing a PoA? Does she think it necessarily means immediately giving up her ability to make her own decisions? Is she just annoyed at the hospital bugging her about it when she's sick and can't think straight about it? Does she not see the benefits of having the PoA and doesn't see what situations it would help in? Is she afraid of the cost/time to get the docs written up? Each of these might need a different approach.

For instance, if the issue is being afraid she'll lose ability to make decisions, would it help to sit down and discuss how the PoAs can be written so that she makes all the decisions (ie, it won't go into affect until she is unable to make decisions, and it can say that the PoA NEEDS to follow whatever wishes laid out in the document)? Is she still able to read and looking over a template would help her see what it's about and all the options she can use?

And as others suggest, explaining, "if this happens and you have no PoA, then these people could end up making decisions for you, not us" could also help.

It's optimistic sometimes to think more info will help, but without knowing why she's saying no, it's hard to get her to yes.

Please check with a local lawyer who specializes in elder law. He or she is your best resource to get accurate answers. Some states/provinces or counties will allow you and/or your sister to make decisions since you are next of kin. Others require the POAs or a court-appointed legal guardianship. The guardianship can be expensive to acquire.

It might be better for you and your sister to talk with your mom about POAs: what they cover, how they are used, what happens without one.... The local lawyer will probably be able to point you to some easy to understand information. When mom understands, then set up an appointment for her with one or both of you. Decide in advance who is the sole or primary person for each POA - legal/financial and legal/medical.

In my case, I have 2 sisters. My mom decided to give me the medical POA since I live closest to her. One sister has financial POA. The other sister is executor of her estate per her will.

Point out to Mom that a POA will cost virtually nothing, while guardianship will cost HER tens of thousands of dollars, because she will have a court-appointed attorney and you will have a court-appointed attorney, and nothing ever moves quickly when it comes to courts. Attorneys love to be able to bill more and more hours when things get held up.

Try pointing out that assigning power of attorney doesn't mean she's giving up control over her medical decisions while she's still competent enough to make them. It's for when she isn't capable (unconscious after surgery, for example, not just with dementia), and you'd think she might want you and your siblings to make those decisions rather than some faceless bureaucrat.

As someone else said, a little scare tactic might not be out of line, but certainly make sure she actually understands what power of attorney does and does not do, and ask her what her concerns are about it.

Heck, my husband and I are only 60 and in perfectly find health, and we've already assigned POA to our son in the event we were in an accident and were unable to make our own decisions. EVERYONE, regardless of age, should have a power of attorney ready to go.

Not just will the State step in a stranger will be making decisions for her and overseeing her money. I am not beyond using a lityle scare tactic.

Use a lawyer when doing a POA.

If it gets to the point where health care decisions have to be made the family will be asked. As long as all are in agreement there should be no problems with her care. BUT if you all do not agree at some point a Guardian will have to be appointed. And it is possible that the Court will appoint one that is not a family member if there are disagreements.
As far as financial the same would happen. A Guardian would be appointed. Again if all agree that is should be one then that is the person that would be appointed. If not everyone agrees the Court appointed Guardian would then take over financial responsibilities.

If mom is cognizant explain to her that if she does not appoint someone the Court would appoint someone and it might or might not be a family member. As long as she can make decisions now is the time to do so. Same with any Health Care Directives (POLST or other document detailing what measures she wants taken)