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CTYankeeinOR Asked August 2021

Signed the DNR/comfort care only for my mom today. Why do I feel somewhat relieved?

First off, I love the support I get from this community. I don't need/want sympathy, just some of your end of life experiences. My mom was doing OK last night, just very loopy. The hospital was ready to release her to rehab today. My sister and I walked in to visit, and they had a whole blood IV going, plus mom was out of it. A nurse walked in and said the Dr wanted to talk to us. Last night, there was blood clotting and flowing into her colostomy bag, hence the whole blood. The Dr took us outside and told us it was pretty much over in her frail condition, and what we wanted to do. The Dr came prepared with the DNR/comfort care only order. I'm sure it's what the Dr wanted us to do. We stayed the entire day with her. The hospital granted us special privileges for comfort care. They disconnected the IV, heart monitor, gave her morphine, and moved her to a private room. She can have as many visitors in her room if we want, and visiting hours are wide open. My sister and I stayed with her until around 8:30, when a very nice, experienced, nurse came in and told us kind of to go home. The nurse took her vitals, and they were pretty good compared to last night when they were in save mode. This nurse has 30 years of experience and said mom will hang on for a few more days, not immediately terminal. I'm going to support my sister, when she stays, I stay. We really had no choice, either mom was certainly going to die from sepsis, or the chance of recovery with the risky surgery. We knew what risks we were taking. Even if the surgery worked (it went well for a few days) what would be mom's quality of life? Probably bedridden with a colostomy bag and a catheter. She did have a few moments of consciencousness today, but was unable to speak. I think she knew we were there. My sister and I have talked about this at length, even weeks before. We both figured mom wouldn't last the year. I'm kind of relieved her pain and suffering is going to end soon. It's not about us, just her. I do have to say that yes, I'm ready to move on with my life and happiness. Sure, I will grieve for a while, but nobody can change things now. I didn't want it to happen this way, but nobody can choose the time and place of a LO's passing. I'm going to try to get some sleep now to get ready for tomorrows sorrows. Peace.

Santalynn Aug 2021
As hard as it is to face the inevitable, because Death truly is part of Life, it's best to simply Be Present with the process. In my mom's case, when things I observed her doing told me it was death approaching AND the hospital social worker seemed relieved that I myself had realized this; the social worker gave me a booklet spelling out the 'coming death' behaviors (things seemingly nothing like 'picking' at her bedclothes, etc., and the intensifying purpling around her ankles, etc.) it was a relief. She also would seem very 'busy' within herself when she was asleep; I told the social worker it was if she was Preparing To Go Somewhere, and of course she was, also verified by the social worker. It actually made me better able to accept the process; then a wonderful thing happened: my mom 'rallied' one day, sat up, was communicative, and then she laid back down and quietly passed away the next day. It was not easy but it was a kind of Grace, to witness her beginning to 'leave', finished with her earthly life, and despite her illness and increasing dementia was 'moving on.' Her doctor described to me she was not going to 'improve' and agreed with me that even her IV was 'artificial nutrition', just prolonging her, so it was no longer sensible. We let Nature take its course,

cweissp Aug 2021
So sorry for what your family is going through. I believe you and your family made the best decision under the worst of circumstances.

I pray you and all your family are blessed with peace, grace and love.

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earlybird Aug 2021
I am glad your mother is receiving excellent care from the hospital staff. It is wonderful she will stay in the hospital until she passes. Family can be with her for love and support. Most try to send patient home with family to free up hospital beds. I feel the compassion from the doctor and nurses. How fortunate your mom is in a very good place and family can come and go anytime. Sorry for everything you are going through. I know it is not easy but she will be at peace soon and staff will keep her comfortable. Thoughts and prayers sent to your mom and family.


MJ1929 Aug 2021
I made the decision we were done with hospitals at the end of December, so we went onto hospice care. Then in early July, I made the decision we were done with the medications and everything but comfort care, and Mom died on July 26.

Her memorial service will finally be held this weekend, and I'm beyond relieved. She (and we) went through so much, and I kick myself for not being able to give her the quick, peaceful end my dad had three years ago.

My mom was my best friend and biggest cheerleader, and I miss her every day, but it was beyond her time to go.

Tynagh Aug 2021
I am so sorry that your mom will transition soon. You feel a bit better because you have made the right decision. The hospital will help ease her through. There comes a time when more intervention is not helpful. May her memory be a blessing and may you heal and find peace.
Santalynn Aug 2021
Yes, it is kinder to not make a loved one 'stay' when their life is coming to a close; support is Being Present wherever they are in their process.
Tothill Aug 2021
Sending you a hug.

Your feelings are perfectly valid and be aware that they may change at times.

You and your sister listened to Mum's doctor and are following his advice. Letting her go in comfort is a kind and loving choice.

JoAnn29 Aug 2021
If a Dr. asked u to sign a DNR, then her time has come. She is 88 years old. Nice long life. I am so glad your at peace with your decision. Its a hard one to make. My Mom was 89.

Cover99 Aug 2021
I'm sorry.

That is nice of the hospital.

Some try to "nudge" the family to help the LO pass, so the room can be used for a patient that has a chance to survive.

Many want to quickly forget those that don't make it.

The second highest rated hospital in the US, when a patient passes, their medical records are quickly sent to an offsite company for storage in their computer system.

Daughterof1930 Aug 2021
I was in your shoes last summer and lost my dad. You’re very correct in the emotions of wanting their suffering to end and feeling relief once it has. I’ve had times of intensely missing my dad, but at the same time I’m so grateful that he’s not miserable anymore. He went from a hospitalization to a failed rehab to home hospice to being gone within less than two months. He’d truly had enough of this world, and it sounds like your mom is much the same. You’re feeling relieved because there’s a plan in place to ease her suffering. Please know that trying super hard to be there at the moment of her passing isn’t important. Having seen this, I fully believe that dying is a solo journey, and though there may be some level of awareness, for the most part our loved ones are gone before they’re gone (hope that makes sense) If you’re not there for the exact moment, it’s okay, your mother knows your love deep in her being. I wish you rest and peace in the days ahead
Santalynn Aug 2021
Totally agree; many want to leave in private; my mom passed that way; it is no shame to not be there at 'the moment.' My mom, as always, Did It Her Way.
Lizbitty Aug 2021
I remember vividly my grandmother in the hospital, in so much pain, begging for us to kill her. They doped her up on as much morphine as possible, but it still took weeks. Her heart was so strong.

I found a lot of relief after she passed, because I couldn’t bear for her to be in so much pain and suffering. It was in-humane, and it made me very angry. We don’t want to see the ones that we love suffer. That’s not how they would like to live; that’s not how we want to remember them.

You made the strong choice. Condolences.

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