Princess and the pea?

Couch gate, day 37, I woke up this morning to hearing her crying and I came to see what was wrong. The couch! She is having knee replacement surgery and doesn't think she's going to be comfortable on the couch during recovery. I'm starting to get worn down on this, I cannot believe the amount of time she complains it and I'm so sick of hearing about it.

Everytime I read this subject line it makes me think of my visits to my MIL.

Her sister had complained about the mattress in the guest room being too hard. So MIL and bought an egg crate topper. I could not use the thing. I felt those points sticking me all over, even turning it over so the points were down didn't help. So I took it off the bed, rolled it up and put in the closet.

I like the "maxed out on sofa returns" gambit. I'd go for that one, then let time and bouncing around and hitting the cushions do the rest.

No piece of furniture is going to solve this issue, because it's the seat of the pants rather than the seat of the chair that's the problem. Nothing feels comfortable until your bottom has learned to make its natural niche in it.

On that problem I totally sympathise with your mother. I spent months choosing and co-ordinating fabric suppliers and furniture makers to create my perfect sofa. It cost a mint and was intended to be my forever piece, and the sad truth is that it is the most uncomfortable item it has ever been my lot to spend my evenings on and I hate it. And it takes up so much space I can't fit a separate easy chair in the room.

And the big dumb monster took a chunk out of the front door when I moved house.

Sometimes we really do have to live with our mistakes.

Sounds like she's enjoying what little power she still has, making you jump through hoops. Throw a favorite quilt over the couch, she'll get used to it eventually

Very simple -- tell her the store won't accept any more returns, and I guess we'll just have to live with what we have. Take away the options, and things tend to settle down.

I have already told my one daughter I DO NOT WANT A RECLINER! When Mom went to the AL she was given the choice of a recliner or loveseat in her room. She always sat in a recliner. But I told my daughter then, I wanted my loveseat. DH and I bought a double recliner to sit together. Rarely do I sit in it. My back hurts and calves start to ache. My loveseat...I put pillows up at one end for me and my feet at the other end. I'm 5ft so comfy for me.

Remember Frazier when his Dad had that old beat up recliner held together with Duct tape? Frazier bought him a new one and Dad couldn't get used to it so he had to bring it back from the dumpster. Just can't make changes when u get older.

My mother spent her entire life buying things & returning those things to the store, all b/c she was never satisfied with ANYTHING in life. If she could have returned my father & I, she would gladly have done that, too. When she went into senior living back in 2014 and dad stopped driving, I informed her there would be no more of that behavior tolerated; buying things & returning them to the store. She tried it a few times, and it didn't fly with me (because I'd be the one to do the returning), so she had no other choice but to stop the behavior.

Give your mother a choice: keep the new sofa or don't, but you're DONE buying and returning sofas. And, if YOU are paying for this new furniture, I'd put a stop to that immediately! If she can't afford something, she'll have to go without it (unless it's a food item or something small like that). She must live within her means, just like the rest of us.

Good luck!

My father did the same to me. Bought a bed then decided a month later he was “ allergic “ to it and wanted me to do something about it

My mom fussed over the purchase of a little loveseat she needed when daddy passed and her old bedroom became a 'TV room'. I laugh now b/c she finally found one she loved, had it delivered and immediately covered it in afghans to 'protect it' and then put a huge table in front of it so she could do her puzzles. The couch was never used for 'sitting and visiting'. She could have put a block of wood there for all the good it does. Just takes up space.

She has a recliner she loves and spends 90% of her time in that. The room is not large and removing the couch would free up a lot of space she could move her puzzle table into--leaving a little space for visitors to sit. Now, you have to stand during your whole visit and it's very uncomfortable. I made the mistake of trying to 'help her' when she complained about having no space, and suggested the removal and storage of about 50% of her furniture. She blew up at me--and I once again realized that she doesn't want SOLUTIONS she likes to complain and then sigh and say 'oh well, it's not like anyone cares'.

You're like me in that you want to make things all better---and we pretty much always 'fail'. Right?

JoAnn makes a good point .This post reminds me of The Three Bears. I guess your mom misses the old couch, right? I think you are sweet to try and make your mom happy but there is a limit to what we should and can do. Returning three times the furniture. I would have stopped at the second one. I would do the shopping alone for now on.The recliner seems the best fit for your mom. My mother has a recliner and is perfectly happy with it. I wonder if your mom is uncomfortable. My mother gets agitated at the slightest discomfort. It could be displaced anger/ complaints due to pain. Good luck. Hope you find a good solution and your mom is happy.

I agree, have her evaluated. My Mom, in the very first stage, would get sarcastic which wasn't one of her traits normally. We had a fellow parishioner thats name was Linda. I guess I was calling her Lynn and Mom said "Why do you always call her Lynn when her name is Linda!" She was really upset I used Lynn instead of Linda.

When someone has Dementia, you make no changes. They like the familiar. Maybe the old couch "fit" her after years of sitting on it.

Any chance she has some actual physical pain she can't describe? Does she only complain about comfort in a sitting position or also when standing or lying down? I agree she's being disagreeable but just wondering what else might be happening.

I'm sure you've come to the conclusion that the furniture isn't the problem. All of the couches were probably fine with her and the chair too.
She wants something to complain about and a way to project her orneriness. When you eliminate an elder's sources for complaining they will come up with new ones. For example, my mother complained incessantly from the time my sister and I were little kids about how hard she had to work. That we never helped with the housework (which wasn't true) and that no one ever did yard work. When I took over the housekeeping the place is immaculate. The yard looks like we have professional landscapers.
Now she complains about it. That the house is like a museum and a home is supposed to look "lived-in" (which is the nice way of describing filth and squalor). These days the yard isn't important. These were her big sources of complaint for decades.
Your mother like mine will find anything to complain about. They will find something to instigate a fight about or make a fuss over. It doesn't matter how ridiculous it is. Your mother is enjoying herself. She probably liked all of the furniture and had no problem with it. She likes complaining about it more though. She enjoys the stress and anxiety that it causes everyone because the house has to put upside down with furniture going in and out.
Complaining about the furniture is more important than the furniture.
Try a little tough love and stop humoring her. If she complains about the furniture again tell her that she can sit on the floor. Then walk away. Pay her no attention when nonsense complaining starts up. Ignore her when instigating or orneriness are in the air. Walk away. This is what I do. Now, my mother's new source of complaint is that no one cares about her and that I barely speak to her. There's a reason for this. I ignore this nonsense. It's a gift for her though. Now she can complain about me to anyone who will listen which is fine with me. So long as I don't have to listen to it. You might try doing the same.

Trying to make other people happy is futile - their feelings come from their own thoughts.

Some change their mind like the wind, some want to complain for entertainment, some really just dislike change.

I think I'd drop her off at the furniture shop on opening & collect her at closing time. She can try ALL the couches all day long, he he. Then choose one you both find acceptable for comfort/price & keep it.

If she complains again, like the soup guy from Seinfeld "no couch for you!"

Recliner only

Bless you for your efforts, but you're not responsible for her happiness. Maybe she's no longer capable of making a rational decision, or remembering why she thought she liked it. Just buy whichever one you like and expect her to complain.