How to deal with negativity from “well wishers“?

DO NOT RESPOND.

I remember I had a similar situation with my father who dying of lung cancer. At the time my father’s condition was deteriorating, but he was still in fair condition and cognitive. My mother and I decided that it was time that he should see his sisters and they should see him before he passes in the hospital. When they came to see him they told me afterwards, Well, he is not dying yet! I just ignored their comment because that was the whole point of the visit, to see my father while he is still in good condition to talk to his sisters before he would become worse and pass.

I think that so many families are not taught how to love one another as a family and they become estranged from one another.

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/how-to-tell-dad-these-relatives-dont-want-to-see-him-469588.htm?orderby=helpful

So I am confused. I know one post you talked about relatives in the Philippines asking for money and you needing to cut them off. The above post you ask how can you tell Dad relatives just don't want to visit.

So who are these "well wishers" and do they visit or just email and/or text. If they visit without calling first, than ask that they call first because it may not be a good time or day to visit. This means not a good day for Dad and not a good day for you. If its email or text, ignore it. People who have never experienced have no idea.
When they do visit. Leave them alone with Dad. Go take a walk or a drive. "You know while your here, I think I'll run to the store". Stay out as long as you think Dad can hold up for a visit. Then come back and say "so nice you visited but Dad looks really tired". They should take the hint and leave.

I find that the only people who show up when death is imminent are those who want something after the person dies. Otherwise, people stay away. I did have an Aunt, that I am sure if my Mom was dying in her home, would be over to make sure I was doing it right and making her "suggestions". My brother had a knack of putting her in her place. Of course, it usually hurt her feelings but I find people like her seem to get their feelings hurt easily. Or, they get indignant.

When it all comes down to it, Dad needs peace. If these "well wishers" are visiting and that makes him happy then you may just need to trudge thru it. When he passes, you can do what needs to be done and never see or hear from these people again.

How are the Well-Wishes communicating? In person, phone, txt, Fbook?

Setting your own boundaries where & when you need, while you feel so raw may benefit.

Is it possible to limit in-person visits to a set time that suits? Let phone messages pile up, call back only those you want to & send thankyou text replies for the rest. Other txt or social media contact can be ignored if reading & feeling you have to add a little thumbs up etc is not helping you - respectfully unplug for a bit.

What do you want them to do?

If it is, literally, butt out and leave you in peace to get on with it, then tell them that. Not in quite those words of course but it's fine to give them the gist. E.g. "this really isn't a good time to talk, perhaps you'd like to send Dad a card or a magazine *instead.*" (By stressing the instead, you should be making it quite clear enough that you're not inviting them to call back later).

Leah, pancreatic cancer is often very quick. Have you asked for a prognosis about how long? If it’s 6 months (which I’ve been told is usual), it may not be worth dealing with people who are saying the wrong thing and annoying you. No-one’s reaction to galloping cancer is ‘good’, unless they just keep quiet and bring food. Is there something like that you could ask for? Let them know that right now you are too busy to chat, but if you would like to help …….