Incontinence and constant bathroom trips in the evening. Is this common and can we change her habits?

I'm relatively new at this but have the same problem with constant trips to the bathroom during the night.

I purchased a commode and have placed it right next to her bed with supplies: toilet paper and wipes.

Mom had a tendency to come out of her room at night walking around in the dark. I found a door alarm on Amazon for $11. I tell mom every night that she must use the commode in her room and not to open the door during the night while it's dark out or the alarm will go off. I purchased commode liners that make cleanup the next morning easier.

I have a baby monitor in her room so I can hear her at night. Also purchased a small portable camera that I will be able to see her in her room as soon as I get it set up with wifi.

So far this has worked for her but as everyone knows it may not last as the disease progresses.

She also gets a sleeping aid prescribed by her doctor. I give her melatonin, valerian extract and a CBD capsule about 1-2 hours before bed.

Sending good thoughts to you!!

Imho, your mother requires an evaluation by her urologist. Also, cut back on fluid intake much earlier in the day to prevent nighttime bathroom trips.

No you can't change her habits. Now you need to decide if you can deal with this for 1, 5, 10 or more years.

I lived though all this that you are mentioning when I had my grandmom and my mom under my care for years and years. Help them as much as you can and if you cannot do it ask for help. The hospital in my case offered to help us, but I refused because I know that at the end they like to take away patients from their homes and put them in nursing homes where they might experience neglect and abuse like my grandmom did until they ended her life. Mom told me she wanted to stay home with me and I promised that I would respect her wishes and I did. Be careful about those frequent urinations, they might dehydrate your mom fast. Dehydrations lead to urinary tract infections as one of the causes, not the only one. You can see it here on the internet too. I lived through all that with both of them. Dehydration can make mom hallucinate and not be able to sleep, not sleeping can feed on itself and lead to more hallucinations. It becomes like a vicious cycle. Also keep an eye on her electrolytes. Potassium and magnesium will decrease. This can cause temporary paralysis in the legs and arms. I saw this in both mom and grandmom so they both ended up in a wheelchair. I was devastated. In the case of mom she had diabetes and she was making it worse by eating sweets and drinking soda by little sips because she was having issues with her swallowing which was being affected by tranquilizers which were also depressing her blood pressure which her doctors did not even see right away. It gets difficult. Just pay attention to what is going on with them. If they are not sleeping that is the beginning of the problems. She has to sleep, preferably without tranquilizers. Talk to her calm and try to get breaks. I did not and it destroyed me. I now have a heart condition from all this and their loss, so you have to have help at the house if you can get it. God bless you both.

My Mum, who has dementia was going to the toilet all the time. She was checked out at our women's hospital and fitted with a shelf pessary and it has worked miracles. It doesn't stop her occasionally pooing on the bathroom floor, but the bladder problems are much better and she sleeps better as a result. It won't work for everyone, but might be worth a try.

Melatonin is a hit or miss medication.
And from what I was told if you turn lights on it upsets the effects of the melatonin. So if she is getting up and turning on the lights the melatonin is probably not going to be as effective.
It sounds like what she needs is closer monitoring in the bathroom. but that would start from when she gets up. A bed alarm might work so that you would know when she gets up. (I would use a floor alarm so that it would go off when she places her feet on the floor) A bedside commode might be easier and you would not have her trying to brushing her teeth and washing her face.

ah yes. So.. heard of what is called "PUREWICK" urinary system for females? The cost is of course expensive but...if you can afford it some way, it is worth it. Easy peasy to place in the female. That is, unless like with my patient, her husband would get up in the middle of the night, turn her and step on the tubing leading to the container and pull on the tubing... move it or pull it completely out. Then the bed and patient would be soaked, I would have to get up during the night and "fix it" while they both stated that "she is soaked because you did not put it in right". Both had dementia. Actually, a man invented this system for his wife who was bedbound. Pretty clever device. I loved it.

Please make sure she is evaluated for a urinary tract infection or irritation - since that can cause urgency, frequency, and incontinence. If those check out, then ask about vaginal estrogen cream/suppository. Many senior women have tissue irritation when the levels of female hormones go down for too long. The medication acts locally, not throughout her body, and can help those tissues from feeling irritated. Also, have her evaluated for chronic constipation since the pressure of retained bm can give feelings of needing to pee.

Nonmedical issues to address:
1 - no caffeine (coffee, tea, soda) after lunchtime. Caffeine is a diuretic and can cause excess urination.
2 - diuretics in the morning only - as much as possible. Usually diuretics are for blood pressure or heart failure clients that need help getting excess fluid out of the body. Generally, they make you pee about an hour after being taken.
3 - toilet training. The goal is to create a schedule for urination and bowel movements. Usually, the person is encouraged to use the bathroom every 2 hours while awake. Ask her doctor if she needs physical therapy for bladder training.
4 - You are already working on sleep medication. Help her to the restroom every 2-3 hours while you are trying to find a sleep medication that works for her. I like Benadryl 25-50 mg at bedtime (usually 10 pm) for most seniors. Talk to your doctor about trying this medication before just giving it to her.
5 - Make sure to over-prepare the environment. My husband recently had prostate removal for cancer. While he is undergoing bladder training, we have found this useful:
Pad the bed with "puppy pads"
Use heavy duty Depends for overnight use
If need be add an overnight incontinence pad inside the Depends to catch initial urine flow and the Depends will catch the remainder.
Help her to the bathroom every 2-3 hours to pee (while she is getting used to the sleeping medication). My husband can usually sleep for 3 hours before the "urge to go" has him getting up.
6 - There are medications for bladder spasms that may help her feel less urgency.

Thank you so much for all of your answers. I wondered about the commode and I think my Mom would move it too. Her PC recommended Sleep3 and it's been three days with no change. This morning I am trying L-Theanine 100mg (she's tiny) to possibly help with some of her anxiety and confusion. I will keep you posted as to how this works. I do know that everyone is different so this may work for some and not others. I agree, this is dementia and it's only going to progress. I think I will research memory care communities in preparation for when it gets to a point where she would be better off with professional care. I guess Medicare research will be beneficial too. My heart goes out to all of you as I know there are so many others dealing with more than I am. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger? Just take care of yourselves if you can. This is a great forum, thank you!

I will keep eye out for answer here but my issue with my mother has gotten progressively worse. She pees on floor in her room like dog marking territory. Had to get steam cleaner to keep up so room doesn't stink so much caregiver complains. I get 30 hours of help a week through my state/ county. She will also take off diaper and make bigger messes too. I have no answer to make this better because from what I've read can be common issue with dementia. It sounds like your issues are milder version of mine and I'm by myself. Family all live far away and very little help and that's being generous. My suggestions...
*steamcleaner for pet urine
*Caregiver to help keep issue reined in for part of day.
*More patience then is normally given out at Sunday church.
Good luck to you!
I completely understand your situation and frustration.

mom Needs to be evaluated. You should find a doctor to check her sleep patterns. Gyn doc, check meds that could be causing her confusing her diet that’s vital. Has she ever worked her insurance co. Should assist, medical ins. Health. Sometimes it’s a mix up with meds. U don’t need meds for everything. Also check out plant base health.com, Much blessing to u and mom. Hang In There. She was there for u in Jesus Christ name. Things will get better give lots of hugs and kisses.

Totally agree - any nighttime behaviors along with urinating issues - my first thought would be check for uti. When I took mom home the first thing to start was late night behaviors and then I would see mood and cognitive changes (the first time I assumed she was declining from her stroke) - she was agitated at night - it took me a few UTIs to now spot them right away. So I would check that first.

The first thing you need to do is get Mom tested for a UTI. In older people, they do not always get that burning itchy feeling.

There can be other reasons for the her problems. Her muscles have weakened and she just can't hold it. Seems since she is confused, Dementia could be setting in and her brain doesn't tell her she needs to go. Has she had any blood work done recently?

"The culprit in coffee and tea is caffeine. It can increase bladder activity and result in exacerbated symptoms , including higher urgency and frequency of urination, as well as increased incontinence."

With me, diet sodas make me go. I guess regular sodas would too, they both have caffeine. So cut down on the caffeine and take Mom to the bathroom every couple of hours. No liquids maybe an hour or two before bed. Allow her to sit on the toilet for a while. She needs to void as completely as possible. Maybe a commode in her room?