Mom has been in a nursing home for 7 months. I can’t pay her mortgage, taxes and give the nursing home her SS check. Any thoughts?

cover99,

Sure, a nursing home can discontinue having someone staying in their facility. They cannot however wheel their bed out onto the curb and throw all their stuff next to it.
They can discharge Monika001's mother into a hospital. Then the hospital will have to find her placement somewhere else.

Sell her house, don't let all of her equity be lost. Why should the bank and buyer benefit?

This will probably cause her to lose her Medicaid eligibility until it is spent down but, I would speak with a certified elderly law attorney and find out exactly how to do this.

You can use some of the money to buy her things she needs and that would be nice for her to have, like a really great wheelchair, new dentures or hearing aids, glasses, new clothes and shoes. It just has to be used for her and her legitimate bills.

I am sorry that you are having to face the change of your mom losing her independence, it is a very difficult transition for most of us. Learn to love her where she is and bring sunshine with you when you visit, no matter how gloomy you feel. It real will help you when you see her smile with you. Great big warm hug! You will get through this difficult time.

You need to give them her SS and any pension she receives. Hopefully you have POA. I would talk to a lawyer well versed in Medicaid. I know a couple that handed their home back to the bank. But you have Medicaid involved now. They may expect you to at least try and sell it. Any proceeds will go towards Moms care.

In my instance, I stopped paying taxes on Moms house. I unplugged every appliance. I kept one light on a timer to go on at Sunset and go off at 11pm. I kept the heater on 55 so the pipes wouldn't freeze. I was just about to cut off the water and the heat when the house sold. Medicaid may not allow you to recoup any out of pocket. My Mom had passed by the time her house sold. The Medicaid lean and tax leans were satisfied and I was able to recoup my OP expenses.

First of all the nursing home CANNOT legally 'evict' your mother or even discharge her unless she has a safe place to go to and caregiving service in place. They will threaten to day and night. They will harass you day and night to because they want her property and money. I had a very similar situation to yours with my father when he was in the nursing home. They would not communicate with me and answer even the most basic questions like, 'Can he walk?' 'Does he use the toilet or is it all incontinence and diapers?'. They would not answer. They wanted all his assets liquidated and handed over because they started processing his Medicaid application the day he arrived. They starting doing your mother's too.
I was at a loss as what to do here and reached out to an elder lawyer. The lawyer told me that the nursing home was ONE of my father's bills. It was not his only bill though. He had many others that also needed paying. So I did not just hand his SS and pension right over to the nursing home because they demanded it.
I don't know if you've spoken with Medicare and her secondary insurance. If not then you have to communicate with these people and get written statements because your mom like my father may be covered by temporary Medicaid already. The nursing home will also collect cash-pay along with Medicaid paying as well. They tried to pull this when my father was with them. They do it all the time, so you have to scrutinize everything. DO NOT sign any documents. DO NOT give them any of your mom's banking information, or her social security number. Demand that they send you a written bill every month then look then check with who her Medicaid caseworker is. She has one because the nursing home reached out to Medicaid the day she arrived, trust me. Make them give you a name. With Medicaid, you will have to list your mother's property for sale. That keeps them at bay and will buy you some time to figure out how to take her to live with you if that's what you want to do. Contact Legal-Aid in your state and speak to an elder law attorney. It's free and they can help you. They helped me. Good luck.

Of course you hate to see your mom in such a sad and vulnerable position. It’s heartbreaking for sure, but giving yourself the gift of acceptance is vital for your own well being. Your mom’s issues aren’t improving, it’s time to plan for what’s next. You can always hope for her to get better, but it’s also good to be realistic. Don’t plan to move her in with you, read on this site a bit and you’ll see lots of stories of how that’s been overwhelming and a bad experience. When my mom required Medicaid for her continued nursing home stay here SS check went immediately to the nursing home. That’s only fair. Do you have power of attorney over medical and financial decisions for your mom? You should sell her home, the money from that can be used for her bills and care. There won’t be any money if you do nothing and let it foreclose. If it can’t be sold quickly, and I’d doubt that in the current hot market, sell it to a business that makes a cash offer. Be sure to keep good records of everything you do for her in finances. Don’t pay any bills with your money. Use your energies supporting your mom emotionally and overseeing her care. I wish you peace

I'm so sorry for the distressing situation you are in. Your profile says your mom is 91 years old. It is much much harder and takes much much longer to "recover" from anything at that age (I know, I have my own 99-yr old auntie who has broken her shoulder and knee cap in separate falls).

I had to deal with a foreclosure with my in-laws. They were broke and underwater on their 2nd mortgage -- they'd never pay it off in their lifetimes so why continue putting money into it? So we paid a very minimum amount towards to mortgage to buy time from the foreclosure. We didn't ask permission, we just paid a little and used their SS funds to cover their expenses, which were mounting from their various and frequent falls and other problems. Maybe same with your mom's house -- no point in paying towards something she'll never actually own and now is just a money pit.

I'm confused if you say she's on Medicaid yet the facility is still demanding money. Do you mean she's on Medicare? They are very different. Medicare doesn't pay for residence in a facility, it pays for healthcare when you're 65 or older (it's a national benefits program). Medicaid is run by each state and is for the financially needy to pay for AL (depending on your state), MC and LTC for the elderly, among other things.

Are you your mother's DPoA? If not I would have her assign someone who is willing and able to carry out these duties on her behalf. You will need the help of an elder law attorney. Also, please see if you can talk to a Medicaid planner to help you navigate that (there's important stuff you need to know in advance).

Please do not think about taking her back into the home -- it's most likely not handicap accessible and you are only 1 person. She will need 24/7 care and it will be overwhelming and exhausting to you. I doubt that's what your mom would want. Keep her in the facility and maybe she will improve, but if PT says she has stalled out in her progress they won't order any more for her, even if you offered to pay for it yourself (and not through Medicare). I wish you much clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart as you work towards helping your mom.