Going under could have worsened his Dementia. Anethesia takes a while to get out of the system. He may get better he may not.
Open heart surgery does weaken you. A younger person bounces back faster than an 83 yr old. I too wonder if he went to Rehab? If not or even if so, you may want to talk to his Dr. about having "in home" therapy.
Has he attended cardiac rehab following his surgery? That’s often a requirement after surgery to help with strength. Geaton has given you wise advice. Please know your don’t have to stick around for meanness or demands, take a break each and every time he’s this way, go for a walk or to another room and protect yourself. Definitely look into meds for calming him. I wish you both peace
Your profile says he has dementia or ALZ. "Meanness" is a symptom of this disease (unless he was always mean to you). You can discuss medications for his mood with his doctor. This is very common for dementia patients. It is merciful to keep them as calm as possible (not in a stupor, but less agitated) and for your sake as well.
As for his being demanding, you don't have to jump to his every beck and call. Here is a helpful thing to remember:
Rules for engaging with dementia:
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
Also, please inform yourself more about dementia so that you can have a more peaceful household:
Most of the following YouTube videos are pretty short.
Phrases to Learn for Caregivers (Teepa Snow, dementia expert) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKejCymVS2Q
Dementia Communication Strategies with Joan Lunden & Teepa Snow https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OubTWj995Q
Understanding Symptoms and Behaviros of Dementia - Teepa Snow Webinar https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tzJGUxio8M
How Dementia Affects Language Skills (Teepa Snow) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BlZF_4EKp4
Common Issues With Dementia (Teepa Snow) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5QMeQpkPhA
4 COMMON DEMENTIA CAREGIVER MISTAKES (start 3 minutes into the video) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymp2SgFhNtw
3 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
Open heart surgery does weaken you. A younger person bounces back faster than an 83 yr old. I too wonder if he went to Rehab? If not or even if so, you may want to talk to his Dr. about having "in home" therapy.
ADVERTISEMENT
As for his being demanding, you don't have to jump to his every beck and call. Here is a helpful thing to remember:
Rules for engaging with dementia:
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
Also, please inform yourself more about dementia so that you can have a more peaceful household:
Most of the following YouTube videos are pretty short.
Phrases to Learn for Caregivers (Teepa Snow, dementia expert)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKejCymVS2Q
Dementia Communication Strategies with Joan Lunden & Teepa Snow
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OubTWj995Q
Understanding Symptoms and Behaviros of Dementia - Teepa Snow Webinar
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tzJGUxio8M
How Dementia Affects Language Skills (Teepa Snow)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BlZF_4EKp4
Common Issues With Dementia (Teepa Snow)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5QMeQpkPhA
4 COMMON DEMENTIA CAREGIVER MISTAKES (start 3 minutes into the video)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymp2SgFhNtw