Despite my father's dementia, I've been fortunate that he has, until now, listened and followed moderate direction without undue fuss. But confinement from what seems like endless covid lockdowns has really taken its toll on his (and my) mental health. To make matters worse, he shows no autonomy and no longer settles for puzzles and activities (losing interest after a few minutes) - even television is a source of annoyance for him.
Now I find my words fall on 'deaf' ears as I am starting to feel blamed for something beyond my control. This manifests itself through habitual behaviours often contrary to advice/correction, and gaslighting whenever the opportunity arises. Even natural events such as inclement weather attract resentment for my 'deprivation' of his liberties when he wants to walk outside. Sadly, I am not immune to the impact of these injustices; yet am struggling to be heard, which is only compounding the problem.
While my father is aware of covid and restrictions, associating his role (and the day to day stresses of close proximity) doesn't factor into his understanding (- empathy has never been his strong suit).
How do I restore the status quo as days are becoming increasingly depressing in this communication vacuum?
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Your Dad has lost short-term memory. This means he will not remember what you have told him from day to day or minute to minute. Early on they loose the ability to reason. So you telling him he can't go out because its raining means nothing, in his mind he wants to go out. They lose the ability to empathize. They become like a small child. Its what they want, not what they need.
As the desease progresses part of the brain dies. There is no going back. With my Mom TV and dreams became part of her reality. She never played games or did puzzles. She was a reader and lost that ability. Sitting in front of a TV was not her cup of tea. They do lose their attention span.
The thing is, how do you manage the 'loss' without becoming/feeling neglectful as duties revolve around 'servicing' rather than 'engaging'?
Due to the confinement that many people have endured there is bound to be decline and those with dementia the decline is probably more than what they would have experienced in the same time frame if things were "normal".
I think what you are seeing is a decline in his mental status and that will not get better, will continue to decline.
You will not "restore" the status quo. With Dementia the status quo is in constant flux.
Is there an Adult Day Care that he would/could attend? He may very well take instruction, guidance from someone else better than he would take it from you.
Would he be able to go to the local Senior Center for some activity?
Most Adult Day Care and Senior Centers are open with guidelines.
If you are with him all day a caregiver (dad pays) might be the thing he needs. A different person he might listen to and might get him interested in things that he used to settle for. Puzzles, card games....
A PCA is a viable solution, although limiting exposure from itinerant visitors is mandatory during these periods.
I agree, a transition of care duties to third parties is the objective from hereon in as the disease progresses. Thank you for your observations.
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