How do I tell my wife she is never going to get better?

I would always give sick persons hope without exaggerating it.

When my mom started with nausea, vomiting, diarrhea and fatigue, we asked her doc to do some non invasive tests. After blood work and ultrasound of the abdomen, it was found that she had either cirrhosis of the liver or liver cancer. We don't know which it is and don't want to put her through a biopsy. She's 86 next month and has survived cancer 3 times already. Doc is going to change her diet and medications and hope for the best. You may want to have your wife get an abdominal ultrasound to see what's going on.

We were also informed that c Difficile, which is highly transmittable, could be affecting her digestive system. A stool sample will determine whether one has it.

I’ve had scoliosis since I was 12. Now degenerating, often painful, and I know full well that I’m never going to get better. I don’t need to be told that I WILL get better (joke in poor taste), or that I won’t. I just look for ways to cope. There are lots of people in this category. My take on it is don’t say that you will get better, focus on what helps.

I wouldn’t tell anyone that they’re never going to get better. Most people intrinsically know when their physical health is gone. But taking away hope is a terrible thing to do. I’d hope you’d pursue getting the depression treated. Taking Zoloft was a huge help for my dad, he called it his “attitude medicine” because it truly did help his outlook. And practice self care for you, seeing to your own physical and mental health while being a caregiver is vital

Thank you for your response. We live on a roller coaster. One good day and 5 bad ones. She doesn’t feel she is depressed and not very good about taking medication. My question was inappropriate as I do try to assure her she will get better and I know better than to tell her isn’t. Hope springs eternal. But I get worn down watching her go down hill. We’ve been to countless doctors including the Mayo Clinic. No one can find a cause for her nausea or relief for her pain and constant fatigue

Has your wife tried medical marijuana for her chronic nausea? She should; it may also help her with depression and other bodily aches & pains she's experiencing. Her doctor can write her a script for it since it's not legal for recreational use in Oklahoma. When you have problems that MDs can't seem to cure, look outside the box for answers.

Here's another thought: my mother is 94 and has had undiagnosed stomach issues for a long time now, but particularly ugly the last year or so. Her nausea has been unbearable and nothing seems to help it. The doctor recently put her on Zoloft for depression; or rather, switched her from Wellbutrin to Zoloft which works on different receptors. I've realized over the past 6 weeks since she's made the switch that she's complained of NO NAUSEA or stomach issues AT ALL. Is it connected to the Zoloft? I have no idea. But I wouldn't doubt it at all!

Wishing you the best of luck with a very difficult situation, my friend. God bless you.

Sounds like your wife is in pretty rough shape. Sorry about that. Is she trying to get better? Has her possible depression been brought to her doctor's attention?

Sorry to ask but why do you think she needs to be told she is never getting better? Will that help her? Help you? I don't know the answer but just trying to understand the scenario here. It might depress her more so I'm thinking it might not be necessary.

Does she refuse to get out of bed?

Do you have any help taking care of her? If she is weak and mostly in bed, there must be a lot of work for you to do. Please get some outside help, even just someone to come in and clean the house once a week.

Can she be safely be left alone?

Good luck.

There is a lot of space between totally abandoning any hope and pursuing every treatment and quack cure available, unless someone had an illness with a known, predictable outcome I don't think I'd ever tell them they never have any chance of getting better. Even when there literally is no hope you can still focus on the idea that you are there for her, that you can work on symptom control and quality of life one day at a time.

Is she asking you if she is going to get better?

Is her depression being addressed medically, by a well-qualified psychiatrist?

Unless you are about to call in Hospice, I don't see any reason to stop trying to treat her symptoms.

Consider getting in home or out-patient physical therapy to address balance and weakness issues.

Please let us know how you are both doing!