Recently moved my mother in from Arizona. She has stage 4 COPD and unable to do anything on her own without help. I’m majorly overwhelmed, stressed and is taking a toll on my relationship with my boyfriend and daughter. No funds but how can I get some support for me and my mother so I can have some me time and take care of my responsibilities?
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Your mom is "64 years old, living in my home with anxiety, hearing loss, heart disease, lung disease, mobility problems, and vision problems."
And you are currently unemployed and disabled yourself and still awaiting disability qualification.
Is your mom on SSDI? Or taking her social security payments yet? She is probably not yet receiving Medicare but at 65 she will be eligible. Or is she on Medicaid? You can contact social services for your county and have an in-home assessment to see if she qualifies for any free services, and talk to them about applying for Medicaid for her.
At 64, you will be taking care of a very sick person with each passing year. You will need to have a long-term plan since no program subsidizes full-time in-home care for any reason -- she can only get long term care subsidized 100% through Medicaid in a facility. Although my MIL is not as physically sick as your mom, she is in a very nice LTC facility on Medicaid and has adjusted quite nicely there. She has all the medical care she needs and has social exposure to people, activities, and events without even leaving the campus. If I were in your position I would start researching places so that if/when a time comes to consider this option you won't be making a decision in a crisis and your mom can still have a voice in the choice.
Does your mom have all her legal ducks in a row? Has she created a proper durable Power of Attorney (medical and financial) so that you can legally and more easily manage her affairs and make decisions in her best interests when she no longer can? If not, this needs to happen. Because of your financial situation and if you don't have any squabbling siblings I will recommend going through LegalZoom.com or Rocketlawyer.com for inexpensive documents. It walks you through the process specific for your state and explains what everything is and how to properly finalize the paperwork. Also banks have their own process (they don't usually accept any other PoAs) so your mom should make your joint on her account as a separate act of legal management. Your mom should also create an Advance Health Care Directive with her pulmonologist so that she decides how much or little "heroic" medical intervention she will get as she gets progressively sicker. Just to say "DNR" is not enough.
In the end your own immediate family has priority over your mom. You must be careful not to burn out or you will lose more than you could ever imagine. Because finances are an issue, I would also start calling local churches (even if you're not a member or don't practice that faith) to see if they have a Care Ministry or Eldercare Ministry and tell them your predicament and if they can provide any temporary team of volunteers to give your a break. Covid does complicate things for your mom with COPD so you must be asking anyone who comes into your home the vaccination question. I wish you much success in finding the right help right away.
You also say that she is unable to do anything for herself. Can she really, truly not do anything for herself? If she is to stay with you she should be doing what she can.
Moving moving mom from an area that she knew, had friends might not have been a great idea but....
Start with your local Agency on Aging. See what she might qualify for as far as services.
I would look for Senior housing if that is a possibility.
See if she qualifies for Medicaid or if she had been working Disability if she can no longer work.
Is mom a Veteran? If so check with the VA or Veterans Assistance Commission to find out if she qualifies for any help from the VA.
Also if mom is getting Social Security, a Pension or any other funds she should pay you a fair portion of ALL household expenses. (If three people are living in the home, divide expenses by 3.)
You should write all this down as she is paying her fair share and you may need proof that she is using these funds for her upkeep and care. (may be important for Medicaid if you apply)
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Does she have Social Security snd/or pension income?