I'm so tired of this. Taking care of my mom is slowly killing me. Any advice?

Your words sound like mine except I been only at it 4 months. My father doesn't speak unless one word orders.
I have 1 sister thought who has been an amazing help.
My father will never agree to going to a home.
Beyond depressed and is this my life now. 😔

Placing a parent into managed care is nothing to feel guilty over! My mother is nearly 95 and has been lucky enough to have the funds to afford Assisted Living and now Memory Care since 2014. She'd have died long ago if not for the great care she's gotten over the years, I'll tell you. Beautiful surroundings, accommodations, food, activities, outings, etc. She has a doctor coming in to see her weekly for petesake!

Your mother won't even speak to you, yet you feel guilty sending her off to managed care? I'm an only child so I have no siblings to send mom off to. It's just me dealing with 100% of everything for the past 10+ years my folks have been here. If not for Assisted Living, I'd probably be dead by now, no joke. Please don't become a statistic yourself by refusing to take care of YOURSELF!

Good luck!

I'll never forget a statement in an article on caregiving some years ago - that caring for a LO sometimes means placing them in a facility. That's a hard thing - this COVID climate has made it harder. But that would ensure you and mom are cared for.

Just a guess, you know your sibs won't step up. No matter how many siblings one has, when it comes to caregiving, one may as well be an only child. But to tick every box, have that family meeting and be ready with a plan of action for care and everything (POA) options.

If someone you know could recommend a geriatric care manager to help you hash out a course, so much the better. Try local aging care resources - search your State/County websites. Search this site.

Just know that you'll be Mom's caregiver even if you're not physically so. You make the arrangements, you follow the care, you visit; and you take care of you.

Best wishes.

You say “I want to walk away and leave it to my sisters to deal with”. Why haven’t you done just that?

You are not obligated to provide the hands-on care for your mom, or anyone, especially if you yourself are ill. Grandma1954's advice is solid.

Are any of you PoA for your mom?
Does your mom seem to have symptoms of cognitive or memory impairment?
Does she have a diagnosis of cognitive or memory impairment in her medical records?
Do you and your siblings have an idea of her financial means to pay for hired care?
Who's home is she living in: yours or hers?

Answers to these questions would help us to support you in working through next moves.

You need to begin a family discussion about your health concerns, your health needs.
Make it VERY clear that you can no longer care for mom.
Options would then be:
**Hire caregivers that will come in and care for her. Probably not ideal since her mistreatment of you will continue. (If your mom is cognizant and fully knows what she is doing this is emotional / mental abuse that you are experiencing)
**Mom can move in with one of your siblings. Or each sibling take mom for a month or two. (My guess is they will not want that to happen)
**Begin looking for Assisted Living or other facility for her. If mom has health conditions that would make AL not an option a Skilled Nursing facility would be what you would be looking for.