Every morning she calls, :'I'm not going to make it.' She has blood pressure issues, won't take her meds. Won't put me on the paperwork for anything. Refuses to get help, and expects me, as a single parent, to make over a 2.5 hour drive to take her dogs out?
Everyone who is left who will speak to her has told her to move closer to us, she refuses. Her doctors are more important. I offered to help her get to her doctors, have repeatedly looked for homes, despite how verbally abusive she is. I do have a kid with autism, in online school, and I'm single and work for myself.
I told her, I will come up and take your dogs out, but ONLY if you get help there at the house, bc this stress. Yes, she has real issues - chronically ill and 'not gonna make it' since the 80's. Takes steroids and frankly was terrible with her screaming and greediness, inability to cooperate and highly judgemental, very nasty "I bent over backwards for you' attitude.
Finally, when told I was serious - started in with her hate rants against me, I told I will not listen. I have an autistic child to care for, "Oh well not that I know of." I let her have it, I have tourette's so she got the hind end of a rant of epic proportions, told her not to EVER CALL ME AGAIN, bc I am sick to death of this. No doubt, she needs help, but I will not tolerate being called mentally ill bc I get myself help via meds/counseling BC OF HER.
She then emails threatening to cause problems with my kid's dad if I call her another name. She is using illegal drugs for pain, and I just cannot DEAL WITH THIS ANY LONGER. She is putting undue stress on neighbors in their 70's who are still working. And refuses to cooperate.
Can't call APS bc she'll just cause more problems her.e My uncle says she just will have to fall, and that's it. Then whomever (nobody knows) is her MEDICAL POA will have to step in. She has no idea people LIVE for that and will take her money. I've tried warning her.
What do you do?
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You can't control how she acts but you can control how you act. Don't feed the ego.
You really shouldn't involve yourself with an illegal drug user, especially if it's anything more serious than MJ.
Your children/child need you more than she does (especially one that suffers from Autism). Let Mom suffer the consequences of her poor decisions.
Stop answering the phone. Or if you feel you must answer the phone, use "grey rock" technique. Lot's of "uh huhs" and " I sees".
Hang up the minute she gets nasty.
Repeat as necessary. Don't aim for any understanding or empathy, because there won't be any. Aim for a firm boundary that you set and enforce.
Visualize an iron gate around the peace of your life and home. Bar that gate and defend it well.
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Best of luck. I know these types of situations are never 'easy', but if you don't take care of yourself, you'll wind up dying before SHE does! These types of women are always 'dying' and wind up living to be 100+!
In your case, I would tell you to call APS on her. Your uncle is wrong. Call APS. It's the right thing to do. She won't be able to cause any problems with these people. Seniors have a way of becoming very reasonable when the state comes because they know their liberty and freedom are at risk. This may be exactly what she needs because it sounds like she cannot function independently anymore. Please call them. In the meantime, don't take her calls. Don't respond to her emails if she's ranting, and don't drive to her place to take out her dogs.
If u have a cell phone you can block her or take her off your contacts list, then put it on "do not disturb" and set it for contacts only. She will go to VM without ringing thru. Then u listen to her message and determine if u want to call her back. But, I think blocking is better.
You have enough on your plate caring for your child. When something happens to Mom, let the state take over her care. They will get her what she needs better than you can. If someone ever happens to call you from the County APS or hospital or even a neighbor, tell them thank you for the call but you are not in the position to handle her care in any way. You can explain that you have an autistic child and are not equipped to handle Moms mental illnesses. That your sorry, but Mom is in their hands. Then hang up. They may try to talk you into being involved in some way with her care. Don't allow them to even get that far, hang up. Note the number they are calling from and block it. Ignore anyway they try to contact you, mail etc. You are not responsible for your Mom. You are responsible for your child.
A neighbor had all the offers of help, but no one could help her until 911 was called when she fell outside.
She now resides in a board and care.
It was the hardest thing to say "NO", I cannot possibly do that. It was only two days later when help came.
So, hang tight!
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