My Mother is incontinent and has been in a nursing home due to a broken hip. She says she wants to go home. How can I keep her there?

Hasn't she had any rehab? Rehab hospital taught my mother how to dress after her hip surgery. I still have the "device" used to put on your socks around here somewhere. I cooked for her on the weekends and she was able to reheat in the microwave during the week when I was at work. Meals on Wheels might also be an option for some meals, although in my area there's a waiting list; maybe they could prioritize your mother while she healed? For us, scheduling someone to give her the blood thinner shot she needed daily for a couple of weeks was the biggest problem. If she's going home, I would suggest getting some kind of a "panic" button device where she can summon aid at the push of a button. They make some now that acts like a cell phone and let you have a two-way conversation with the 911 operator. Even if someone can work a cell phone, it's different if you fall and are in pain - the simple one button panic button or even better a fall detector are much better options.

This is one suggestion to consider. Work out how many hours a week, including travelling time, you could come to her house to help. Say she can choose which hours (depending on your own timetable) and which tasks.

Make another list of the other assistance you have found – timetables, minimum hours, costs, phone numbers etc. She’s rational, so she can understand it and follow up phoning.

Make it seem complicated - which it is! Ask her to sort out what she needs to make ‘going home’ workable and safe, the way she wants. It needs to be total – not ‘we will just have to wait and see’. The chances are that she will realise that it’s too hard and she’s better off staying put.

If she still insists, give her a day or two at home the way she has worked out, and let her check the reality. Don’t ‘exit’ the NH while she experiments.

I hope you get other useful suggestions to consider as well. Yours, Margaret

My mom is in the same boat though her knees are preventing her to walk steady. Even with a walker she will tumble. She too wants to go home but but I told her who will bathe you n dress you n feed you. She wouldn't even be able to make a cup of coffee. I asked doctor n they sd she can't live alone anymore. I told her that n her house is to small for my family to move in n my house is not set up for her to use a wheelchair. So sge has to stay there n I can't go against doctors orders.