Meeting emotional vs physical needs of husband with dementia?

Hello Care4JMC-
1st: WELCOME! To the best faceless family you’ll never meet here on agingcare.com! You will find luv, support, and wisdom from the AMAZING folks here; unconditionally and judgement free! Glad you’re here.
2nd: Although I do not have personal experience with either dementia or Parkinson’s, (I cared for my narcissistic, toxic mother for over 15 years), I have learnedA LOT here and have some ideas that might help you and your husband. The tricky part, my friend, is finding motivation and mindset so you can try different things- as we know all to well, the depression etc that consumes us during our caregiver journey, is very challenging and debilitating; so plan, work up to, or whatever you need to do to try to make it happen. It will be a ten fold for both of you.
3rd: I hope these will help-
Music. Put on your pretty dress, get “dolled” up, and with your beautiful smile, strut yourself out to your husband, and play songs you both like. And DANCE together, either standing up or sitting, go through the motions of dancing. Clap and tap to the beat together, music is such a good, universal thing! This will not only make both of you smile, but also allow you some crucial ‘girl’ time while you’re preparing for your presentation to your hubby.
Crafts. Your husband might not be able to woodwork, but I bet the two of you could make some cool things stringing pasta with yarn: necklaces, something to hang on your walls, garland for a holiday tree? Turn off the tv, sit with him equipped with some yarn and penne and see what you can create together. Yes, just like when we were kids! It will engage hubby and give you something to cherish. Heck, get some washable paints, have him stir them to make colors, put your hand on his to help guide him to stir, paint or both.
Outdoors. Make some tea or coffee and head outside to sit together and watch the sunset. Fresh air is always good and it might just spark something in your husband that leads to reminiscing, which is definitely good!
Daily routine. Engage him in his daily care activities when appropriate like setting up his toothbrush with paste on it and stand with him guiding his hand to brush. Set his clothes out and together, say which item goes on in what order while dressing.
Take small bites at your pace when trying these types of things- one activity one day, the next week one day another activity, and so on. The caregiver journey is, by far, one of the most challenging things we’ll ever do in our lives; it’s physically and mentally draining for all involved, it will create guilt, thoughts and feelings only other caregivers can understand, it is an unlimited pass on the scariest roller coaster in your world. We are SO GLAD YOU ARE HERE.
susan xoxoxo

You are correct when you say that he is mirroring your moods, so it's very important that you try to put your best face forward, even if you have to fake it. I had to learn that the hard way when I was taking care of my husband, but it does make both your lives much easier when a good mood is presented instead of a sad or depressed one.
Now of course I realize that that can be easier said than done, so it's important that you are taking time away just for yourself, to do fun things that you enjoy, so you will be better able to present that good mood.
And if that means that you have to hire someone to come in and sit with him so you can get away, then so be it. It will be worth every penny.
You must make yourself a priority if you are to continue on this caregiving journey with your husband. You both will benefit if you do so.
I wish you the very best.

I am at the point where you are right now. My husband was diagnosed with dementia five years ago. Over the past 2-3 months, he was become much worse. He also has macular degeration and his vision is very bad. He has lost interest in everything he used to enjoy. He wants to sleep most of the day. I do believe that his mood mirrors the way I feel. If I get angry at him, he "digs his heels in" and refuses to do anything I ask of him. If I stay calm, he will usually cooperate. This disease is terrible and overwhelming. Caregiving is very difficult and exhausting. Take care of yourself and get some help if you can. This is a wonderful place to vent and get advice from people in a similar situation. Hugs to you.

You can't help the way you feel, you are the sole caretaker which is an endless, gut wrenching job. I really suggest you get some in home help to give you some respite - you will be surprised how just a couple of hours of help can re-set your mood and give you the energy to continue on. You really need time for yourself so please consider it before you burn out completely. Another thing I highly recommend is playing upbeat music that either you or your husband like, depending on who needs it most. It really can change a frown into a smile. If your'e at a really low point, give him a hug or a hold his hand - no words are needed - and I think you both will benefit. Last, stay on this wonderful site-we care!

I would suggest that each of you needs to see a psychiatrist. Your hubby probably has a touch of depression - which is common. You may have a touch of depression or burnt out. A psychiatrist can help you both with medication as well therapy. Might I also suggest that you ask a few family members, friends, members of your faith community and/or paid help to come over and help during the week. It appears you need a little "time off" to recharge your emotional batteries doing things with enjoy.

As long as you're being nice to him and he's in no pain, someone with dementia will question everything over and over because they don't remember what was said.
I doubt that he can tell your not upbeat as long as you're not mean to him.

He is probably right that you are unhappy. What can you do to relieve the stress on you? Do you have help, private time away from him to pursue any activities that interest you? Changing the situation up a bit may help you and consequently him.

Care4JMC: Imho, you are a STELLAR caregiver, but you are not God. Ergo, it is only human to feel down at some point. Perhaps you can get respite through any means possible, e.g. Visiting Angels, et al.

I think you need to switch things up abit …of course you and your husband are depressed!! Who wouldn’t be ??? Aside from physically draining you’re both extremely bored ! Try to involve other people for some outside stimulation… outings .. day care community programs available… check Alzheimer’s near you.. it’s good to have some sort routine outings for your husband … and some alone time for yourself.
try to involve others .. instead of just visiting see if friends can take husband for ice cream or walk in park… or hire someone to do same.
one of benefits of being in good care home was I was confident my husband had safest best care and was always surrounded by people and activities to interact … and I was there everyday without all the grunt work . It’s a mistake to think those with dementia do not realize their situation … they do and it’s extremely depressing for them …
try to create more stimulation (music
was great Alexa)
it’s a very isolating situation for both of you .
best luck .. but you’re on a good site !!
I found best info here!!!

It sounds like you need more help than you're able to give him. You might want to consider part time in-home help that comes by a few times a week so you can get a break. Also, it sounds like he needs to be more involved with the senior center community or other activities for seniors in your community. You might want to try getting relatives to see him or go visit more with his relatives.