What do I tell my friends?

It is great your mom is excited about this "new chapter" of her life. Because there are a lot of positives. For one, leaving behind the cooking, cleaning, laundry. Time and energy are precious. Why not spend them on activities and relationships rather than chores? What is wrong with being pampered when she has earned it?

Thanks to all for your humor, some good ideas and helpful wording, and for confirming where I was headed. I've already made up cards (in Mom's signature pink) that I think informs in a good way - including encouraging those nearby to continue including her in their occasional outings. I'm still going to be around to chauffeur her, or they can pick her up. If they lose touch, hopefully as some of you said, she's moving on to a new adventure and hopefully new friends who will actually be there with her.
I think Mom has enjoyed how they've carried on about how sharp she is and how wonderful I am for giving up life as I knew it and moving here to care for her. They have no clue how much she has declined, and I am weary. I also believe I've been enabling her dependence on me and her reclusiveness, which hopefully ALF will undo some.
I think this concern definitely reflects folks of her generation, but it is partly having too much time on her hands to stew about "things". Once the word is out there, everything will work itself out one way or another, right?
I LOVE this forum. It's been such a blessing. Thank you all.

Are you concerned about what to tell YOUR friends or HERS?
Tell your friends that mom has decided to take advantage of all that ALF has and she is looking forward to participating in activities. And since mom will not need you all the time you are free to join them for lunch or dinner.

Tell your moms friends that mom has decided to take advantage of what ALF has to offer and is participating in activities. If they decide to visit they should call in advance to see if there are any restrictions on visitors.

When Mom entered her AL I sent a message to the Church secretary to place in the bulletin that her address had changed. I contacted those who needed to know. At 88 most of family on both sides were gone.

I like the idea of Mom getting cards and putting her new address inside. My handwriting is lousy so I have typed up inserts. Using that roll on paste to put them inside. Your Mom is 102. Of course she is going to need more help. And as said, she could say it was about time to be waited on.

Yes, seems there is always one friend or relative who is negative. Because...they are jealous usually.

“I decided at this point in my life, I need a housekeeper, a chef, and a laundry service. I’m worth it! Come visit!”

”Oh, call first. I may be out on a day trip! Be sure to leave me a message! Ta-Ta!”

I have to say that I am actually shocked that at almost 102 years of age, that your mom still cares about what her few friends think about her moving into an assisted living facility.
I mean really?? I'm only 62 years old and I don't give a crap what others think about what I do or don't do.
Tell your mom not to waste her time thinking about such silliness, but instead to concentrate on getting situated in her new place and making new friends.
And if her old friends say anything negative it will only be because they are jealous that they don't get to live in a nice assisted living facility.

Get your mother a packet of invitation cards, and send them to her friends to give them her new address and the date of moving. If Covid restrictions allow, you could even arrange a modest "house warming" with a drink and nibbles in the communal reception area (obviously ask the ALF manager first!); but certainly you can tell everyone what the facility's visiting arrangements are.

She is moving house. She is not going to jail. Her real friends will be supportive and encouraging.

Barmor, I don't know what my mom told her few "friends" when we moved her to Independent Living at 88. I do know that none of them ever visited her, although they continued to call.

Maybe you could have "chage of address postcards printed for everyone on mom's Christmas list. "Exciting news flash! As of Oct 1. I'll be residing at Lambstown Manor, (address and apt. # and phone #). Looking to this next chapter of my life; hope you will visit me here soon."

I’m trying to get BarMar to accept that she needs to be in an ALF. I thought if I went first maybe she would join me.
‘oh the things we have to do for our kids.

It will take some time for your mother to adjust to all the 'newness' in her life, especially at her age. Change is never easy for anyone, but especially those who are in in their 90s and older. She is also of the generation for whom it was very important what other people thought of them. And going into ALF could have her thinking that others will think that her family no longer wants her nor cares about her.

Perhaps your mother could tell her friends that it was HER decision to move to assisted living because she finally decided she wanted to be more social and wanted to be surrounded by a hotel type of environment, complete with maid service, concierge service, and a chef that prepares meals. And she wanted to have more daily interactions with people her own age and interests. That way she has more time to do the things she wants to do.

If the question arises as to why you couldn't take care of her, she could just tell them that you were planning to do more travelling and taking longer trips. Whether that is true or not, doesn't matter.....that way she can 'blame' you for the situation but also showing that she was proactive and empowered to make her own decisions still.