How do you tell your parent with dementia that they are going to assisted living?

I lied. Well, I exaggerated. Two reasons: it was best for my father; it was best for me.

I tried talking rationally with him but with his dementia I might as well talk about fruitcake recipes. I’ve noticed that he sometimes remembers shocking events or emotionally charged conversations so I exaggerated about a recent job change and said he could help me by moving for a little while. I went around the house with him and asked what items he will need for the ‘temporary’ move. And then I moved him.

Not pretty but that’s what I had to do.

This forum was so helpful when I had to do this. I used the termite problem (all block house 🙄) my mother had told us we would have to drag her kicking and screaming! She was never leaving! Caregivers during the day said she had started trying to leave the house for an appt. The house is on a very busy street. Her dementia was really accelerating. We told her she was going to a nice hotel for 2 weeks while they exterminated the house. She said how do you know there are bugs! I said because you told me. You said that is what the exterminator that you had come out told you. She just looked at me and said, oh yes.
My brother drove her to the nursing home while I had movers load up her bed, sofa and tv, lamp, framed family photos etc. So her room was all of her belongings set up in the same order at home. She never mentioned going home. She doesn't recognize me anymore. She tells me she just graduated college (she never went to college)
And has a little girl that she chases after all day. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. It really was for her safety 💙

Ltl, welcome to the forum!

Your profile says your mom has dementia; has she been assessed by the AL and found to be approoriate for AL and not Memory Care? Does the facility have Memory Care that your mom can transition into when she needs that? And perhaps an affiliated Nursing Home?

Have you spoken to the facility about how to transition your mom? Some folks tell their parents that there is a broken pipe/termites/bedbugs and that their house needs to be vacated for a few weeks. They take them to the facility at lunch and get the room set up during the meal.

Many facilities will have good ideas about how to deal with the transition best, based upon their assessment of your mom.