My mom's, with Alzheimer’s, 2 dogs were put to sleep and she keeps asking for them. Will she continue to suffer from being told repeatedly?
My sister decided to put my mother's dogs to sleep due to their poor health and her inability to care for them properly. She keeps asking where they are. I feel like repeating the sad answer is causing repeated suffering. Any advice is appreciated.
@lealonnie1; @DeckApe; @Hopeforhelp22 Thank you to everyone. That is beautiful and how I interact with my mom and would have been my choice. Unfortunately, I left out an important aspect. There is a family division on my moms care. My sister has made herself in charge of her care and power of attorney so she is usually the first to handle these things. It has been gut wrenching.
I edited my question above which may explain somewhat. Both dogs have had health problems for many years. They were from the same litter and elderly. My moms Alzheimer’s has been progressing and she stopped driving long ago so they haven’t had proper care. It is inhumane and animal abuse. It has been one of the many fights with my sister. Driving being the first and biggest priority. As you can see this is much bigger than the issue of how to talk to her today now that this is happening.
So I guess my question is actually asking for advice going forward since my sister has already told her the truth in detail. Which is cruel in my eyes.
With Alzheimer's, they normally forget what they were told and will continue asking where the dogs are. I'd use the therapeutic fib of your choice because the truth is pretty sad and like you said, repeating that news over and over again is just cruel. Too bad your sister isn't as compassionate as you are.
Tell your mom the dogs were sent to a nice family with a big farm with children to love them where they could run and play. If the truth is causing her to suffer, tell her what's known as a therapeutic fib to keep her happy and calm. This is commonly done with elders who suffer from dementia.
If you can get away with it then lie to her. Say they are at the groomers, or at a friends, or on a walk. Anything. She won’t remember anyhow. Telling her the truth will only hurt her. If she has Alzheimer’s then she will only relive the pain over and over if you tell the truth.
If you can’t bring yourself to spare her the pain by lying then at least say it’s a surprise and she’ll see them soon. Then change the subject.
I'm so sorry to hear that her 2 dogs Both had poor health...and had to be put to sleep - at the same time frame ? Both dogs were at the same health level to require that? :-(
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Thank you to everyone. That is beautiful and how I interact with my mom and would have been my choice. Unfortunately, I left out an important aspect. There is a family division on my moms care. My sister has made herself in charge of her care and power of attorney so she is usually the first to handle these things. It has been gut wrenching.
I edited my question above which may explain somewhat. Both dogs have had health problems for many years. They were from the same litter and elderly. My moms Alzheimer’s has been progressing and she stopped driving long ago so they haven’t had proper care. It is inhumane and animal abuse. It has been one of the many fights with my sister. Driving being the first and biggest priority. As you can see this is much bigger than the issue of how to talk to her today now that this is happening.
So I guess my question is actually asking for advice going forward since my sister has already told her the truth in detail. Which is cruel in my eyes.
Best of luck.
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If you can’t bring yourself to spare her the pain by lying then at least say it’s a surprise and she’ll see them soon. Then change the subject.