How are things after caregiving?

After placing my brother in a nursing home, I was able to go back to my career. I was able to re-organize my home. However I am still working to repair the damage caused to my relationship with my husband and children due to the stress, anxiety, and not being present for them as a wife and mother during the time I was caregiving. The damage to interpersonal relationships for caregivers is real and life changing.

Your whole world changes. Just as it changed when you became a caregiver.
If you wake up at 12 midnight, 4 am to change someone, you will for a time wake up at midnight and 4 am.
If you have to be back at the house by 3 so the hired caregiver can leave you will constantly be looking at your watch to make sure you have time to get home even though you don't have to, you will rush through shopping because in the back of your mind you have to get home.
If you have a hospital bed with a motor that you thought was so noisy 6 months ago, you will now be struck at how quiet things are.
If you have been caring for a spouse the realization that not only are you no longer a caregiver but you are now a widow (or widower) and you have to deal with the emotions of that along with having to reidentify yourself as an individual.
Don't do anything major, they say for at least a year do not make any drastic changes.
If you need to talk find a Bereavement Support Group, many Hospice will offer one, some churches as well. It is good to know that others are going through the same thing and it can help talking.
If you need more than a Support Group talking to a therapist is a great idea.
Grief takes time. There is no way to say how long. Each of us is different.
Keep busy. Find something that you like doing. Volunteering, getting a job, start a project that you have put off.
there is no 1 right answer.

Kor100, life after caregiving? I feel like *I* need a caregiver. This was a job I wasn't trained for, nor had a mentor to help my find my way. I had to wing it and that wasn't my nature. I knew how to do so many things, but this caregiving was a challenge I kept failing at.

My emotions were all over the board. I resented that my parents had a wonderful retirement doing fun things, etc., and I never got to have the same type of retirement. I was still working at my career, something that I worked hard at and I wasn't about to give it up until I was ready to retire in my 70's. I loved my job. My Mom refused caregivers to come into "her house" just to help her with minor things. Dad wanted to downsize but Mom refused.

I was pretty much their wheels. I believe they still viewed me as that 20 something to loved driving, instead of a person who was now in her late 60's who got panic attacks when driving. When I mentioned the panic attacks to my parents I got the "but who will drive us?" statement. Mom refused to ride with a stranger. A god-send was grocery store curb-side pick-up and/or home delivery where someone else did my grocery shopping.

Talk therapy helped somewhat, at least I had an ear that I could tell all my feelings. Friends were no help as they never had to experience caregiving of parents.

It's been 4-5 years since my parents had passed in their late 90's. Every day I am reminded of the stress as I now have tremors which can be controlled with meds, but makes me very sleepy. I now hate traveling, dining out, or even going to the movies. There is that ingrained fear that my cellphone would ring saying someone had fallen, please rush to their house. At least I no longer jump out of my skin when the phone rings [with my parent's telephone number].

I lost my mother last year after 3 years of being her care manager. I still monitor this site, keep my phone close, mentally pick out clothes for her when I shop, and get nostalgic when I drive by her favorite restaurant.

Funny this came up. I've been kind of struggling. My dad passed away seven months ago. When I think back, I was there for him since 2002 when my mom passed. However, he moved in with us June 2020. It became apparent after two weeks, that he could not be left alone. With a lot of thought, my husband and I decided I would resign my job to stay home. My dad passed away March 2021 here at home. Seven months now and I still come on this site because it helps to know how others are dealing with caregiving and beyond. I in no way feel bitter. Sometimes guilt. I know that my dad's health was not good. And I knew there would the "day" it would be over. I am changed. I'm getting older too. I get inside my head too much. I still do walk-throughs of our old routine when he was alive. I wonder if I should go to therapy. But then I don't know what they would tell me that I don't already know. Grief has no time. When you become so intimate with your care recipient, that you are an extension of them, you'll feel lost without them. I truly hope you are not feeling bitter. And if you want to go to therapy, be ready to talk about all of it. The good feelings and the bad feelings.

It certainly takes time to adjust to your "new normal," but once you do, you are able once again to find the joy in the little things in life.
I lost my husband of 26 years last Sept. after caring for him for many years. I was lost for quite some time, and seemed to wander around my house wondering what I should be doing, but with God's help, and the great people in my local caregivers support group, I finally am ready to start enjoying my life again, and am excited to see what the Good Lord has in store for me next.
So yes, there is hope and joy after caregiving. It may take some time, but it's out there if you really want it.
I will also say that it's important to sit in your grief and allow yourself to feel it. Don't run or try and hide from it, as that will only prolong the process. In order to move forward in a healthy manner, your grief must be dealt with. And I feel that that is why I now can look forward to my future, as I allowed myself to sit in my grief.

I felt a great sense of loss. The loss was not only for the person, but also for my responsibilities. The caregiving had given me a sense of purpose and structure. Try to keep yourself busy with your life after caregiving, preferably with meaningful activities that give you a sence of fulfillment or accomplishment.

I think it depends on who you were caring for- a friend, a parent, a spouse. I can only speak on the loss of my wife. Certainly any loss can be traumatic and cause the person to experience a variety of emotions. Sadness, regret, loneliness, anger, grief, and relief are just some emotions that can surface. The depth of emotions one experiences is usually related to the extent of the relationship and its duration. For me, the loss of my wife of 52 yrs required some soul searching and changes in my life. What do I do now? Who am I without her? How do I recover and build a new life? So after almost 4 years, I've accepted her death, the sadness is gone and I've overcome my grief. However, I still feel a sense of loneliness and I miss her companionship dearly. So am I a different person? No, I don't think so, but I do live a different life that I'm comfortable with and family ties are still strong.

I feel a bit like I'm unemployed, but otherwise, it feels like it did after I dropped my last kid off at college.

It's only been two months, so I'm still deep in settling the estate, but once I finish that, sell my house house, move to another state, and get my son married off next spring, I'll have to figure out what my REAL purpose in life is after 30 years of raising kids, and caregiving.

I went through a lot of self-reflection. At first a numbness for the first few months, overwhelmed at having to empty out and disburse an entire household, and handle all legal matters. Then anger and even some displaced guilt at some of the circumstances of my mother's passing. Nostalgic for the times I had with my Mom, her vibrancy, her funny ways. Sad I will never get a minute of that back. Relieved at the time I now have back to give to myself and my family and friends. It's a bittersweet mixed bag of emotions, ups and downs, and long plateaus. I am grateful for being able to look back on all I did and all I learned, and how it made me a better, stronger person. Now I am trying to to get back to some long neglected interests: reading, learning a new language, cooking, meditation, crafting and re-organizing my home. Give yourself plenty of time - everyone has different needs - it's an evolving process of renewal and a rewarding one if you allow it to be.