My Dad unknowingly had a stroke around April and declined pretty quickly. He refused to seek medical help, so his partner made him leave her home. He went to a friend's house and pretty much stayed on his own behalf in a spare room. He continued to decline badly and has been using cups as toileting and has not been eating much. He was given an ultimatum to get medical care or leave, so he went once, but did not follow up and refuses to get any more medical care. His friend is telling him today that he has to leave and giving him 7 days. He will be homeless and nobody else will help him. His friend and my uncle are strongly suggesting I be the POA. My Dad was not around me growing up and has not been there for me when I needed him but I want to help any way I can. However, he cannot live with me and my husband. We have a 6 month old and I am pregnant. I don't think we could care to him as well as he needs and I think an Assisted living home is best. The problem is, he has no money. I sure can't afford it. He mentioned that he thinks he has Medicaid, but I don't think that covers it. He's a veteran but I believe he had an AWOL. So I don't know if he will be covered by VA, due to the awol. I am not sure what to do. My family is advising me to not take on the POA because he doesn't have money and it will be too much to take on, especially with my babies. What should I do?? I would really appreciate Any advice! Thank you so much!
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If he goes to an emergency room, upon discharge, they would probably send him to a nursing home, which is covered by Medicaid. (Medicaid is available to people who don't have insurance, so he would be covered). This would probably be the best outcome.
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Please don't allow yourself to be dragged into this. You will have enough on your plate with 2 small children and your marriage. Your responsibility is to your family. Your father was never a part of your life. You owe him nothing. I will assume the Uncle is his brother. If so, let him take on the responsibility. He can get the State involved and walk away.
If your father should end up hospitalized and they call you, tell them that he has never been a father to you. That you are pregnant and have an infant already. That you cannot or will not take on the responsibility of this man. That the State will need to step in. You have no money or the willingness to do anything for him. Then block their #. Any calls you get concerning Dad, block the number. Really, ur life will become hell. We had a member going thru something similar and now she can't get out of it.
It sounds harsh I know, but you can get involved and then not be able to get uninvolved. There are services and resources out there that your UNCLE can take advantage of. If your father needs care, there is Medicaid for a NH. Please don't take this on. It can become very stressful. The State can come in and get everything done faster.
If he can not legally make decisions at this point, and it sounds like that is questionable, you would have to become his Guardian.
If this is a role that you do not want to take on, and it is not an easy one, that you contact APS and report him as a vulnerable senior, that is disabled. In all likelihood this would go to court and the Court will appoint a Guardian. He would be made a Ward of the State. The Court appointed Guardian will make all decisions for him as to his medical care and here he resides.
Contact your local Veterans Assistance Commission and they can help determine how much help the VA can provide. Depending on where and when he served it is quite possible that he would qualify for one of the VA facilities. (pretty sure you have to be classified as 100% or greater disabled according to their calculations to qualify for the VA facility)