My Mum has lived with us for nearly 2 years. She is 101, mobility not good but still continent night and day. I love my Mum very much however I am struggling. I am 73, married and with various health problems. My Mum has always known how to manipulate me all my life and still does. She likes to go out everyday and if I don’t take her she sulks. We do have carers who come in 3 times a week to take her out but it is not enough and really all she wants is me and no one else. It is my son's 50 birthday coming up and he would like my husband and me to go away for a week. I want to go and have placed Mum in a really lovely care home for the duration but feel so bad as I feel I am palming her off, but if I don’t have a break I am going to have a breakdown. To add to it, she doesn’t say more than 2 words to my husband and he cooks all her meals. He feels our time is running out for us because of our age. Mum is much stronger minded than me. I need the break but feel soooo guilty.
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Looking at this reasonably: Mom does not like this or that. SO WHAT? Do any of us live in a world where everything is to our liking? Your needs are more important than her preferences. Take care of yourself for your sake, your husband's and, yes, for your mom's.
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Is she in the care home now?? You deserve to go on a trip!!! Do it and have fun! She may try to make you feel bad and you may feel a little guilty. That's normal. But also you are right that your time is running out too! Many posts on here are talking about caring for someone about your age with dementia etc. that need to be cared for. It's a blessing that you are still doing so well but you should be taking advantage of that and enjoying your retirement.
Don't worry about her being rude to your husband. If that's how she is, it's not going to change.
You are in the driver seat, not matter how strong minded and manipulative your mom can be. You have given her 2 years. That's a gift. Now, you need respite care for your vacation and many more vacations after that. When you are able to take her out, that's when she gets to go out. Can you hire someone more hours a week to take her out more?
Have an excellent time on your trip!!! When you feel guilty, remind yourself that she is in good hands and that your deserve a vacation with your family!
Your mom has lived her life. You deserve to live yours. Your son has a great idea - go enjoy yourself and don't worry about mom. If she is miserable, that's on her. You can't make her happy. You can only make yourself happy.
Your mother doesn't sound like a mature or considerate human being if she "sulks" when you try to take time for your own needs.
What would happen if you broke your hip? Had a heart attack? Or if your husband became seriously ill and needed your care?
I think you are doing a great disservice to her and yourself by being the only one who is and acceptable carer for her.