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Franakranz Asked October 2021

I need to figure out how to get my husband to sleep at night. I have a baby monitor in his room to know when he's aiming to go home. Any ideas?

He wakes up to go to the bathroom 3 or 4 times a night. He talks every waking moment so I get to hear it all. I know he is confused without his memory and doesn't know where he is, etc. I have found a suitable daycare for M-F when I'm at work, so that is great, but I need my sleep. I know "get someone in to do I'm not sure just what at night" but I can't really afford to do that. Having someone come in causes more stress than we can handle, I have two small dogs that bark and never stop whenever someone is here, even people they see fairly often. It's more of a circus and I don't see how that will help either of us sleep. I was thinking of asking his Dr. for a prescription to help him sleep, what do you all think about that? Perhaps someone might know what resources I might be able to ask about this problem.

lealonnie1 Oct 2021
Nighttime sleep issues are notoriously problematic with dementia/Alzheimer's, unfortunately, and there is no easy answer for caregivers. I'd crate the dogs like vegaslady suggested, and hire someone to come into the house to deal with DH at night. The doctor may or may not prescribe a sleep aid and even then, it may or may not work to keep him asleep. Again, circadian rhythms can get fouled up with brain disorders and nighttime issues run rampant, no matter how active they are during the day. My mother starts Sundowning around 2 pm or so and the confusion ramps up to great heights throughout the evening where she, too, is 'going home' and not even knowing where 'home' IS. She's had insomnia issues for many, many years and Ambien wound up causing more problems than it cured, so all the doc will give her now is Melatonin. Melatonin can wreak havoc with the brain for SOME people and give them nightmares, so be on the lookout for that if you go that route with DH.

IDK what you mean about 'what resources you might be able to ask about this problem' other than your husband's doctor, since s/he is the prescription writer. Does he have a neurologist or just a PCP? Some PCPs are pretty useless when it comes to dementia, I've found, and don't really know what to do, say or suggest for those of us suffering along with our loved ones. Go to ALZ.org to read up on the subject, pick up a copy of The 36 Hour Day which is a great reference manual about dementia, and watch some Teepa Snow videos on YouTube as well, although I don't know that she talks about sleep issues, she might.

For incontinence, try ordering some Medline Extrasorb chuck liners on Amazon here:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07GYZNDY8?ref=nb_sb_ss_w_as-ypp-rep_ypp_rep_k1_1_9&&crid=3P5GTHB2SLO5F&&sprefix=extrasorb

They hold a HUGE amount of urine so if hubby winds up sleeping longer hours and produces a lot of urine in the process, the clean up with these disposable pads is much easier.

I often say it would be lovely to find a 'knock out' pill for my mother to just give her some blessed relief from her over-active mind, constant chattering and worrying/anxiety/OCD that she suffers from that has worsened over the years with the advancing of her dementia. It's a cruel disease for all who have to deal with it, not just the patient.

Based on your other posts, your husband is quite advanced with his dementia, wandering, wanting to go home, getting kicked out of daycare, etc. I think you need to speak with an Elder Care attorney asap to see what your best options are with regard to placing him in a Memory Care AL; if you own a home, whether to sell it, or to apply for Medicaid, what that involves, etc. Dementia reaches a point (like NOW) where you can't do it alone anymore. See what the EC attorney suggests; the consult is normally free.

Wishing you good luck and Godspeed as you try to find coping mechanisms yourself. Remember that YOU matter too and your health & wellbeing is just as important as his. Make sure you get respite for a week or two every once in a while by placing DH in a Memory Care AL (look into what Medicare pays for under Respite Care).

Geaton777 Oct 2021
I would ask the Adult Day Care what he is doing there during the day. I'm asking because if he's just sitting there and not engaged in any way, then he is not burning up mental or physical energy. I have a 99-yr old aunt with mod/adv dementia. My cousin (her caregiver) was giving her Tylenol PM for sleep but it wasn't really working. I had read online that having them do simple tasks was edifying for them. So we asked her to fold a large pile of kitchen towels. She began sleeping all through the night even off the Tylenol PM. We have her doing tasks several times a day. I realize your dad has an issue with frequency...does he wear incontinence briefs so he doesn't fret about having an accident? I agree with what was suggested about discussing this with his doc for both frequency and for sleep. It may also be a prostate issue, which should also be checked out.

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funkygrandma59 Oct 2021
Is your husband on any kind of medications for bladder control such as Myrbetriq, or oxybutynin? That may help him to not get up so much. His urologist can also put Botox in his bladder to try and calm things down. And of course you can always try a condom catheter for overnight, so he doesn't have to get out of the bed at all.
Giving something to help him sleep will still leave you with a pee mess to have to clean up in the morning, as he will be pretty soaked. You can of course put several waterproof pads down and put an extra pad in his Depends, but he will still be soaked and will at least have to be cleaned up really well, if not showered every morning.
I know what you're going through, as my husband when his incontinence was at it's worst, was getting up every hour on the hour to pee, and we went many months with no sleep. We tried everything I listed above and nothing worked for him, so his urologist suggested having a supra pubic(permanent catheter)put in, which we did, and for us that was a Godsend as we were finally able to sleep through the night and I only had to empty his catheter bag twice a day.
I pray you get things figured out soon, as lack of sleep is not good for either of you.

vegaslady Oct 2021
Sounds like something for sleep would be useful. How about
the dogs go into a crate in the garage when people are in your home? I’m all for dogs but they should be behaved.

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