89yo has lifelong issues: paranoia, lying, stealing, making up stories, thinks she is dying. Moved to AL in May 2021. Is not adjusting, and probably sundowning. But all the stuff she is doing now we have lived through with her. Dementia has just made it impossible for her to hide her mental illness. She fell this week, got a bruise on leg. Next day calls and says she was attacked while sleeping. Says she never woke up but the bruise is proof. Had similar claim during a hospital stay several yrs ago. She spends her days hiding things fearing will get stolen. She enjoys insulting people. When dad left she claimed he just couldn't handle criticism. Not her fault. She was dying of unknown disease for 17 years starting in my teens. She Started shoplifting in my 20s when dad retired early. Said they were poor. Thought she had TB when she was 12. Before we took her Dr license she would drive herself to the ER EVERY WEEK. Growing up we listened to her malign us in front of her family telling outright lies. My dad, brother and I would whisper in the background....I remember it this way...how about you ? Trying to verify our own version was real.
They have her on Xanax since August. But maybe she needs meds more targeted to her illness? Not even sure what I am asking here. Trying to validate whether we should pursue this path. I fear she will live for many more years and fear AL will at some point stop putting up with all the accusations.
We don't have any sympathy or love for her. It is so hard when people say we should be understanding for her old age difficulties. We say we have been living this our whole lives. Now she calls daily with some new emergency. My brother has big time issues with anxiety and depression too and this really upsets him every day. I feel like I have to take care of it for him and we both try to be responsible for her well being. Ugh.
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Your brother, tell him not to answer her calls. Blocking her they won't even come thru so he won't know she even called. I have my phone set for "Do not Disturb" with only those on my contact list ring thru. All others go to email.
Neither u or brother need to visit. If u do and she starts, just ssy "time to go" and walk out. She is actually your Dads responsibility but he has options too. She is safe, cared for and fed so u really don't have to worry or deal with what u don't want to.
If you have experienced this all your life, and a formal doctor’s diagnosis wouldn’t change much, perhaps you and your brother just need to accept that what you know is true, and make that clear to anyone else involved, for example the AL staff. If that would help at all, do it right now! If your father is still alive, it might help to discuss it with him and get his moral support as well.
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