How do I handle abuse-verbal from my loved one?

I wouldn’t listen to it. His dementia or any other condition that might be causing it doesn’t mean you need to give him an audience for it. Walk away every time, return when he’s being nicer. Protecting yourself is never wrong

According to your profile, your 96 y/o father suffers from dementia/ALZ. As such, his filter is gone so he's hurling insults at you without realizing their effect, which is sad. What's your mother's excuse for sitting there and listening to such a thing and not telling him to stop it at once?? Unless she's hard of hearing, 'denial' is no excuse to tolerate such behavior from her husband towards her own daughter! If it were me, I'd tell them both that I'm not putting up with such language anymore and will be back another time when they're both in a better mood! Dementia or no dementia, they CAN understand boundaries, especially when you leave their presence each & every time the insults start flying! Soon enough, they'll both understand that ugly words = you leaving the scene. He can hire paid caregivers to put up with him.

You can certainly love your father and not like his behavior at the same time. Dementia is an ugly condition, certainly, and one that takes nasty behavior to all new heights. My mother is soon to be 95 and has said some really rotten things to me as well, things that I believe she's FELT in her heart for decades, just never vocalized until dementia took away her social filters. Now the truth comes out in its unvarnished ugliness. So I leave her presence when she goes too far, and that's that. Or, I hang up the phone and say goodnight if she goes on a tirade when we're speaking.

Wishing you the best of luck standing up for yourself with your parents; respect is a two-way street, even with dementia present!

I’m sorry this is happening to you. I’m not sure what conditions he has, but sometimes it can be very common with types of dementia. It can bring out the worst in people.

It might be time to insist on taking a step back because you’re “so very busy” and likewise insist on hiring an alternative caregiver to “help YOU out”.

As much as we want it to, sometimes they know where we’re vulnerable, and they cut to the quick. Know your limits. Keep within it. Caregiving is important, but it should never come at the expense of your self-esteem.

HUGS.