My Husband has been in rehab since September and can only bear partial weight on his foot. Should I let him check himself out in December?

If he thinks rehab is expensive, wait until you start trying to pay for full-time care. That could run upwards of $20,000 per month. If he can't go to the bathroom on his own at home -- and clearly he can't -- then he'll need full-time caregivers to help him. That'll cost a fortune.

Is he resigned to being in a wheelchair the rest of his life if he can't bear weight on his foot? Is your house handicap accessible for a wheelchair? There are big decisions to be made here, and it isn't fair that in his understandable frustration he's going to create a crisis you can't handle.

Shirley, you know the answer. He needs to be stronger to be able to be independent at home. You need to strongly discourage him returning home. His care is more than you will be able to provide and you know that. Not being able to get himself to the bathroom and not wanting to wear diapers is a huge red flag. He is not going to gain the skill to get to the bathroom overnight. And he won't wear diapers, then what?

Meet with the social worker about getting him on Medicaid it will ease both your minds.

Rehab, nursing homes, etc. are very expensive. My MIL is in a SNF and my husband is starting the medicaid process.

Why is he only able to bear partial weight on his foot? Is he working hard in rehab? With more work, is he expected to improve?

The diaper situation is tough. But they can't have people walking around or being in bed having accidents all the time.

And I'm sure he is homesick. Are you able to visit?

Before he checks himself out, I would make sure that he can do a bare minimum of physical activity to make it feasible for you to care for him. Can he get in and out of the house on his own? Can he get himself to the bathroom independently? These were the skills I required my mom to have before she could return home after her knee replacements.

If he can't meet basic standards of independence, how are you going to take care of him? Is he currently using a wheelchair? Can your house accommodate that?

There are a lot of things to consider. There is only so much you can do to help another person without quickly burning out and suffering yourself.

Shirley,

The amount you are paying is the 50% that Medicare does not cover. I guess your supplimental doesn't cover it either. Is this causing a financial hardship. Has the SW discussed Medicaid to cover the balances.

As we have said before. You need to talk to a Social Worker about your concerns.

Do you not have family who can help you?

If your husband is of sound mind, it's up to him whether he stays in the residential place or comes home and hires services there. You can't stop him.

But thinking that he will magically be able to go to the bathroom by himself if the fact is that he really can't is a terrible basis for the decision. Has there been a formal assessment of his care needs?

If you and he decide that he will be better cared for at home, first get advice on where to get the services he will need, and then set things up *before* he leaves the Hebrew Home. You will NOT be able to manage his care by yourself. He may also find that it doesn't cost much less.