Ok, so........here is the short version. Husband had a stroke February 2021- they found heart issues and vascular dementia. February to May, in and out of hospitals. Most of it, I couldnt be with him due to covid. Bed sores then brought on MRSA and sepsis.... ending up in wound care 3 times a week til august, sept and october 2 times a week and now we are down to once a week; Or we go to Cardiologist Or we go to PCP Or we go to Neurology..........he is losing abilities really fast. Im having the worst time with the drooling- which I UNDERSTAND he can not control, Im just losing it- he is loosing his speech and hard to understand so its important I zone in to help get it the first time- yet the pouring fluid just is so un nerving. Ive done politely handing the tissue, bought the handkerchiefs, I get no where, he just allows it all to pour out or down. Doesnt matter if its just us or if the kids come by, or a total stranger, he will not do it. Ive got blobs on everything from the floors to oh hell- window sils, all over the car, the bathroom the DAM DOG!
What actually brought me here tonight was dinner, I just cant do this ! He has trouble chewing, so I make a softer, easier to swallow menu- just adds to the mess. Im finding it hard to keep it together, why I cant get past this one is beyond me. Its a visceral reaction with me, I have to look or turn away, my stomach rolls over, I got goose bumps, my body just reacts. I cant do this to him.
PCP is no help or is neuro or cardio- PA suggested using a bib! Right ! tell him to wear a bib, thats gonna go over well. This is hard enough on him, he knows he is slipping and now you want me to put a bib on him?! Come get the rest of his dignity while your at it. Anyone been here, got anything more than a bib?
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This.is much more than just the bib. Isn't it? You simply cannot provide the care any longer. And that is completely OK! You are exhausted and can't go on like this much longer. Breathe.
Living with these changes in a loved one can and does cause resentment. And obviously it has in your case. I get it and I understand. Have you shopped for a facility, nursing home, for him? Have you met with an elder law attorney to learn about laws in your state on qualifying for Medicaid? Medicaid will not impoverish you.
Start there. Come back to vent and ask for support any time you need it. HUGS!
I now see this post is from last Nobember. How are things going?
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They are not as tacky looking as most bibs and there are masculine patterns as well. Keeping tidy is good for him and you.
It seems more likely that he cannot control of his drool or he is unable to be congnizant of it. I know it is hard on you but please don't take it as a personal affront. If his stroke blinded him, you wouldn't take it personally.
You may have to place him if you cannot handle seeing his decline.. It isn't a weakness, it is just acknowledging what you are capable of. If you push yourself past what you can handle, resentment and aggression can occur. And no body want that for either of you.
It's hard to witness someone you love change so drastically, this I know, but please remember this, that if your husband has been diagnosed with vascular dementia, his life expectancy is only 5 years, so there may come a day when you wish for just one more day to care for him, and to wipe his drool.
My husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia in July 2018, and died Sept 2020. I thankfully was able to care for him in our home until he died, but not everyone is cut out to be a hands on caregiver and that may be you, and that's ok. You may have to place him in the appropriate facility where he will receive the 24/7 care he needs and you can get back to just being his wife and advocate. You have to now do not only what is best for your husband but also what is best for you. I wish you the very best in deciding exactly what that is.
With stroke, the patient really has to want to work at it even if uncomfortable or even painful, and generally working at it works better the sooner he starts on it.
He wasn’t conscious enough for a swallow test, so they put in a feeding tube directly to his stomach. He can still feed himself, but he is supplemented with the feed. You may want to go that route. I know there’s other people on here that make a real dinner, purree it, and then feed it to them that way.
I’m sure if you talk to your doctor about your concerns about his swallowing and losing weight, and suddenly going downhill, the should take you seriously in his current state. Plus, it’s by no means a drastic measure.
I feel for you, I really do.
I can totally understand the reaction you have to this. I mean, it is kind of gross to have drool all over everything, not offense. Instead of a "bib" can you do something else that would help catch the drool and food that can be taken off after meals and thrown in the laundry?
Is the cause of the drooling the stroke? So sorry that you are in a tough situation here.