How do you rebuild your social life post caregiving? Tried a lot of things but most friends have stopped calling. Grief and this - ouch.

Why do you expect friends to relate to what you went through? Why does it even have to be a topic of conversation?

I have three female friends I went to school with (we are all 55), whose mother's have or died of Alzheimer's disease. Neither of my parents have dementia. I cannot feel their feelings, or know how hard it is/was for them to watch their mothers slowly slip away. But we have 50 years of history, lots of great memories and are more than our care giving experience.

I have my own challenges with my parents. My friends will lend a ear, but I do not expect more than that from them.

When my marriage ended, unexpectedly for me, I went through Hell. My ex said terrible, untrue things about me, my social circle crumbled in front of my eyes. I was scared, lonely, and really sad. I had a mental breakdown from the stress and went on medical leave from work, so I did not even have the normalcy of going to work each day. I joined a quilting group in a city an hour from home. No one at the group new me, knew my marriage had just broken down, etc. I was just a new member of the guild.

I made new friends at the guild. None of them knew my ex, or the story of my marriage ending. I was not judged for what my ex did, I was just me.

I also reached out to those three women I mentioned at the beginning of this post. Sure I felt awkward. Although I knew them from my childhood we had drifted away, 2 had moved and one had shut herself off from others. One I walk with 2-3 times a month. We go for a 4-6 km walk and talk about everything and nothing.

Last month I had a dream about another woman I have known all my life, but again we drifted apart. I got in touch and we had the most delightful coffee date. I was scared of being rejected, of her not wanting to meet, but she was happy and so was I. We both have children who are now adults but very challenging with mental health issues. We were able to talk about how hard it is and know we will not be judged by the other.

Now Covid has made everything harder. Not just the restrictions, but also how it has polarized peoples' belief systems. It is hard to navigate relationships when some are anti vax, anti mask, and others are more careful in the precautions they are taking. Yet, they are still people we love and care about.

Freezone, take time to grieve, just a support group or seek therapy. But also spread your wings, think about what you want to do. Reach for the stars.

I too after having to stop working the last 4 years of my husbands life to care for him full-time, lost a lot of my friends, and then of course Covid didn't help things either. I was fortunate however to have been involved in a local caregiver support group, which up until Covid did meet in person, and now still meet on Zoom twice a week, so I was able to connect with others who knew exactly what I was going through and several of us have become very close and now do things together.
I also started attending a new church after my husband died and have met so many wonderful people there as well. I am a people person(have worked in retail sales all my adult life)so meeting people is perhaps a little easier for me, but I would suggest getting involved in a local church, volunteer someplace that touches your heart,(perhaps even the VA, as I'm sure you could be helpful to a lot of people there)and if you're working, reach out to your co-workers to invite them for lunch. In time you will get your groove back, so don't let this temporary set back stop you from getting out there and enjoying your life again.
Here's to hoping you find your joy again. God bless you.

Not knowing you makes suggesting something hard but i will take a stab at it/ join a church, volunteer with an organization, food banks are great because you are still helping people, maybe a part time job, exercise class, take up a new hobby, and oddly, if you aren’t burned out, sitting with other elderly people will give you a sense of helping. True friends are hard to find so don’t get in a panic, a friend will come your way. Oh, and hear their stories if you want to tell yours, give them your ear.

The pandemic has also taken a toll on social gatherings. You can chalk some of what you are experiencing to covid, and I hear the same discussion from much younger people. Keep trying to get connected with groups and activities that interest you. Volunteering can also be a way to meet people and do things that give meaning to your life. Take a course at a local college...whatever you like to do. Don't despair. All the best to you! You are to be commended for caring for your father.

You say your ‘friends don't seem to be able to relate to what I went through’. Are you trying too hard to talk to them about what you went through? If you can see that you don’t have this in common with them, could you try to pick up on the things you enjoyed with them before your life revolved so much around your father? As well as trying new activities, can you get back to the old ones yourself?

I am sorry for your loss and for the loneliness you're feeling. It is harder to reconnect with old friends as they don't have the same life experience and just can't relate. Perhaps in the future when it's their turn to be caregivers, then they might want to reach out to you, so keep that door open for them.

You also mentioned you tried various activities. I don't want to suggest what you already tried, so can you tell me what you have tried?

Please consider joining a grief group like GriefShare. They understand your situation and can give your the best advice. They have been in your shoes. Please consider that everybody is experiencing a little social isolation and "weirdness" with the COVID pandemic.

In my case, I go to church and try to connect with people through Bible study groups. Find your passion or investigate various hobbies. Look online for meet-ups in your area or online.

I understand this all too well. Forget those who were friends in the past - they don't understand and the friendship will never be the same if it gets started again. Join every single club and orqanization and "feel" the waters for possible new friendships which may or may not happen. Give it some time and if it does not work, try some place else. In the meantime, find a hobby that YOU love to do and immerse yourself in it. Go out to eat by yourself (I am 88 and do this all the time). Eventually something will turn up but don't count on past friends. Good luck.

One of my friends joined a grief share group in her church, but there are many not church related if thats what you need, She has made many friends there, and they do alot of activities!

Attend meetings for people who have lost a loved one.
Go to Church and speak with a Pastor.
Don't give up on your friends, keep contacting them to at least have people to go out to lunch with.

It takes different times for different people who have lost a loved one.

Try donating some time to Volunteer work.

Prayers