I really want to skip Thanksgiving this year. Usually, I cook for my husband, brother, and dad and maybe a few of my husband's nearby family. But, this year, the in-laws are going to spend it doing their own thing. Which leaves me trying to make Thanksgiving special for my dad, brother and husband. Dad's anger issues have gotten worse since his stroke 2 years ago and I'm the primary caregiver even though he's still able to live on his own. He and my brother have never been close...there's always tension, but they can get along for the sake of others. But there's ALWAYS that tension between the two of them. My brother just recovered from COVID and has already told me he's not up for a Thanksgiving meal and thinks we should just wait and get together for Christmas. So does my husband. My problem is...how do I tell dad we aren't going to get together that day? He's not the easiest to get along with right now. My husband says we could just take him a plate of Thanksgiving dinner. Which is fine with me...but, how do I explain that we aren't going to get together at our house?
35 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
The end.
If he throws a fit, you can just drop the plate of food off at the door and vamoose. You get to make the rules for your OWN holidays from now on, regardless of how angry it makes your father. He'll get over it, I promise.
Best of luck.
ADVERTISEMENT
The best Thanksgiving I ever had was about five years ago when I came down with a really bad cold and had to cancel everything. Fortunately, I wasn't hosting, but I sent my husband and son off to the local relatives, curled up on the sofa and watched Downton Abbey all day. It was great, and I'd love to do it again this year.
You may not have just had surgery, but you’re not up to it either. It’s just a day. Your Dad will be fine with a nice plate of WHATEVER you offer. Even if he gets crabby about it.
Save your sanity, and take care of yourself. 🦃 Maybe play the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving video, sing a hymn of Thankfulness, for making it this far. Anything but stress out about one meal. 🍁
Best wishes!
I hope your daughter brings plates of food for you and your H!
So in 2019, we did not spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with my father who was in a lovely ALF. I refused to subject myself to his ranting and swearing any longer. He had NPD and ASPD. I was shocked he never got evicted. We hid at home just the 2 of us. No guilt, no regrets.
Now that both folks are gone, I went NC with my siblings as well. My life is so much more peaceful without toxic people in it. We stay home and binge watch movies and TV shows all day.
Do what is best for for YOU. Everyone else will get over it. Good luck!
{{{HUGS}}}
Thanksgiving is a tradition in America, however, many are attempting to do away with any history that 'offends' a certain group of peoples. Soon, the Federal holiday may be banned.
Setting that debate aside, being thankful and grateful for many things, including an abundant harvest or just being fed, can be celebrated.
The thing is, you can choose to celebrate on any day!
No guilt, no pressure, no judgment!
If you want, you can choose any day to not cook, go to a restaurant when they are not busy, Can Dad attend a meal at a restaurant? When, and if, you want to be with him? Try a breakfast or lunch? Shorten the time spent together.
Maybe he needs to be medicated for such anger and behaviors?
Maybe you need a big break from all the pressures.
See All Answers