Does anyone else want to skip Thanksgiving?

My husband and I are having a similar situation. The details are different but the bottom line is we are both physically & emotionally depleted. The mere thought of creating a Thanksgiving "event" (even for three people) is overwhelming for us. So we decided to be honest, simple and direct. Basically, I said, " I need to tell you something I seriously need your help with. I need you to listen carefully and to try to understand. Charlie and I are physically and emotionally exhausted. The pandemic, our jobs and life in general have really taken their toll on us. We desperately need some 'down time' because we feel on the verge of falling apart. We need to be alone as a couple and to give each other the private time we need. So, we are going to use the Thanksgiving Day (or Thanksgiving weekend) to completely rest with each other, quietly. We aren't going to have a regular Thanksgiving dinner with family or guests this year. We really need your understanding and cooperation about this and we hope you can understand that we wouldn't be making this decision unless we were feeling really exhausted and at our limit." There's no room for debate this way. You're saying what you're doing and why you're doing it. There are no options being presented. Good luck and I hope you use this time for your own "self care".

You say, Dad, we're not having a Thanksgiving dinner at my house this year for the following reasons, ABCD. We're happy to bring you a lovely plate of food, however, for you to enjoy. We'll also be happy to spend some time with you on that day so you're not alone for the entire day.

The end.

If he throws a fit, you can just drop the plate of food off at the door and vamoose. You get to make the rules for your OWN holidays from now on, regardless of how angry it makes your father. He'll get over it, I promise.

Best of luck.

I'd love to skip it. Now that both my parents are gone, I think the other side of the family thinks we'll just drive 500 miles for any and all holidays, and frankly, I'm not interested. I'm not in the mood for all the political and Covid arguments that make up a typical holiday on the in-law side. I, too, am emotionally exhausted after losing my mom in July, and I'd like to cancel all the holidays and just stay home.

The best Thanksgiving I ever had was about five years ago when I came down with a really bad cold and had to cancel everything. Fortunately, I wasn't hosting, but I sent my husband and son off to the local relatives, curled up on the sofa and watched Downton Abbey all day. It was great, and I'd love to do it again this year.

Why does this poster have to try and include dad if she doesnt want to? He doesn't try and control his anger issues and make an effort why should she? Obviously he was an angry jerk before the stroke and now its worse. The holidays are not enjoyable for so many because of guilt and obligation to people who make no effort to return the favor.

Not only skip Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Easter, etc.

Basically, how about telling him what you have just written here? I've always suspected that this holiday fixation really has to do with the denial of time's passage and the changes life brings.

I had major surgery two weeks ago. We told my grown, local daughter that we will not be hosting. I doubt I will be even going over to her house. I’m just not up to it.

You may not have just had surgery, but you’re not up to it either. It’s just a day. Your Dad will be fine with a nice plate of WHATEVER you offer. Even if he gets crabby about it.

Save your sanity, and take care of yourself. 🦃 Maybe play the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving video, sing a hymn of Thankfulness, for making it this far. Anything but stress out about one meal. 🍁

Best wishes!

Holiday get togethers were always a stressful event in my dysfunctional family and DH and I dreaded them. After my mother passed in 2018, I finally got out of the 40+ years of F.O.G.
So in 2019, we did not spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with my father who was in a lovely ALF. I refused to subject myself to his ranting and swearing any longer. He had NPD and ASPD. I was shocked he never got evicted. We hid at home just the 2 of us. No guilt, no regrets.
Now that both folks are gone, I went NC with my siblings as well. My life is so much more peaceful without toxic people in it. We stay home and binge watch movies and TV shows all day.
Do what is best for for YOU. Everyone else will get over it. Good luck!
{{{HUGS}}}

You do not need to do Thanksgiving at all, and not for Dad either. 🦃

Canadians have already celebrated their Thanksgiving Day, I think in October.

Thanksgiving is a tradition in America, however, many are attempting to do away with any history that 'offends' a certain group of peoples. Soon, the Federal holiday may be banned.

Setting that debate aside, being thankful and grateful for many things, including an abundant harvest or just being fed, can be celebrated.

The thing is, you can choose to celebrate on any day!

No guilt, no pressure, no judgment!

If you want, you can choose any day to not cook, go to a restaurant when they are not busy, Can Dad attend a meal at a restaurant? When, and if, you want to be with him? Try a breakfast or lunch? Shorten the time spent together.

Maybe he needs to be medicated for such anger and behaviors?

Maybe you need a big break from all the pressures.