Mom, 98 with dementia, lives with us. She is scared to sleep alone and wants me to "get someone to sleep with her". Anyone experience this?

Here is a thread on this very subject from 2016 that you may be able to glean some useful tips from:

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/elderly-mother-with-dementia-wants-sleep-in-my-bed-210089.htm?orderby=recent

I have and use a large Bamboo body pillow you can find here:

https://www.amazon.com/Linen-Plus-Shredded-Breathable-Hypoallergenic/dp/B07LFNQL7Y/ref=sr_1_5?crid=1HBHD6Q1HSTL9&keywords=bamboo+body+pillow&qid=1637257583&sprefix=bamboo+body+%2Caps%2C281&sr=8-5

This pillow is VERY heavy b/c it's filled with shredded memory foam. You can buy a pillowcase for it and 'dress' the pillowcase up as a character, like a woman with hair, a face, and wearing clothing. Make it look like a 'girlfriend' in other words, if you are handy with a needle and thread. You can lay this pillow next to mom and she can hug it/hold onto it and it may feel to her like a body in bed with her, no joke. The pillow is 54" long, the size of a person..........so it may just do the trick to help her feel not so alone in her own bed.

Just a thought.

Best of luck with a difficult situation.

She may feel afraid and lonely. Get her a HUGE soft teddy bear and have her name him . Put him in bed with her every night but also have him near her during the day as well. Keep night lights in her room but make sure they aren’t casting scary shadows. She has become a child again. Good luck

They gave my grandma a life like baby doll to hold and she held it all the time at the end. She always loved babies and children and it was a comfort to her. When I cared for my dad who had dementia right at the end he seemed to be grasping and so I gave him a stuffed animal to hold. It seemed to calm him a lot to hold onto something. Anyway, I don’t know if that will satisfy your mom but just as a child loves a stuffy at bedtime, perhaps it might help.

My mother with Alzheimers went through this stage of wanting to sleep with me. I left the light on and the TV in her room on all night to comfort her. I also got her a baby doll. The doll did the trick. Ashton-Drake has a doll specifically designed for Alzheimer's patients. My Mom loves it! You can also try a sleep aid, such as Trazadone. That worked extremely well for my Mom. Good luck to you.

Stuffed animals, or lifelike baby dolls often do the trick. Some of them have "voices" and move. My 98-year old mother liked a cat that meowed and moved. All the best to your mother and you and your family!

Hi, this may be mentioned already, i dont have time to read through all posts right now, but my 87 yr old mom with vascular dementia LOVES a robotronic cat that I bought for her....it cost $129, but worth every penny, instead of calling my or my Dad's name every 30seconds when we leave her to do something, she now pets and talks to cat...maybe it would help your mom stay alone at night? Go to JoyForAll.com made by a company called Ageless Innovations...Good luck!

Ask her doctor to prescribe anti-anxiety medication that you can give her before bed. Also getting her a doll or a teddy bear might help too.
Whatever you do, DO NOT start sleeping with her. You cannot allow that habit to be established with her. The same as parents cannot allow that habit to be established with a child. Also, you have to learn how to ignore with love. People often have to do this with kids. Stop answering her and explaining to her all night long. When it's bedtime, it's bedtime and that's it. You have to ignore her.
I've known many of my homecare clients whose families were at the end of their rope because they had an elder with dementia who wouldn't sleep on their own. With a few of the married couples the elder with dementia would leave their room and get into bed with them. You can't have that.
The anti-anxiety medication at night and a doll or teddy bear helped. You may also have to put a lock on the outside of her bedroom door too. A few families I worked for had to do that. It's for the senior's own safety. If they're still mobile but have dementia, they can get up at night and wander.

Hello:
I went through the same with my mother as her dementia deepened.
She would not stay in her bed and wanted to sleep with me. After a few sleepless nights trying to get her to sleep in her bed, she started sleeping in my bed. I was single at that time.
However, I was working full time and needed my rest. I really resented this, I was a single woman in her 40's sleeping in the same bed with her mother. I wondered how did my life get to this point? I realized I had to get over it and deal with what was at hand.
On the other hand, my mom seemed to morph back to a frightened girl at times.
Sleeping with me calmed her down and made her feel safe. What was happening to her was frightening enough. That was MY job to keep her safe as a her caregiver. She did the same for me as a mother.
I also knew that this could not go on for her or me. What I did was:
1. Got her ready for bed in her room.
2.Had soft music or calm tv playing. Old movies or PBS was great for this.
3. Got her in bed and made sure she was comfortable.
4. Had a soft light on and kept it on so she would not wake up in the dark.
5. Sat next to her. Sometimes I would read to her and she'd drift off. Sometimes I'd sit next to her watching tv and she would drift off. Or we would listen to music.
6. Kept the bathroom light on so if she went to the bathroom, she could see.
Once she was in a deep sleep, I'd go to my bed. A few times, she would get up
come to my door, look in but would go back to her room and sleep the rest of the night. I was afraid that she would fall downstairs trying to get downstairs but that never happened.
This behavior did not last long but was one of the behaviors exhibited after her dementia deepened. After a while, I got a hospital bed and she slept downstairs.
I sat with her a while, then she would drift off and I would go upstairs. The doors would be locked(she did not remember how to unlock) and I left the light on in the living room. By then, she was wearing Depends.
That worked for us until she was placed.
Perhaps this behavior will not last long with your mother. My mother's behaviors came and went. I disagree with some of the "tough love" answers. You will have to figure out what will work best for your mother. Try some of the softer approaches (body pillow, soft toys, sitting with her, etc...) while trying get your rest.
Good luck.

My mom went through this although maybe not quite to the extend you are experiencing. In a lot of ways it was like mom was once again a small child and similar strategies as you would use for children worked for us. I would sometimes lay down beside her on top of the covers until she went to sleep (I had explained beforehand that was what I was doing). This was also the phase when she was willing to accept a teddy bear and that seemed to comfort her when she was afraid to be alone.

She probably needs a sleep medication to help her go to sleep faster and more soundly.