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BigGCare Asked November 2021

How can I help my wife to keep her from killing herself?

My wife is 79 and takes about 20 different medications a day. She also has been using a vast assortment of otc products for various ailments. I feel she is over medicating herself but she will not discuss this with me and will not let me discuss it with her doctor. She told me to stay out of her medical business that she will handle it. Now she has a broken leg and I am her care giver.

Grandma1954 Nov 2021
Since your wife is currently being treated next time she has an appointment YOU bring a list of medications, dosage as well as any OTC medications and or supplements she is taking.
The doctor may or may not acknowledge the information but you will know he/she is now aware.
If your wife has not set up Patient Portals with her doctors offices you could do it yourself and communicate with the offices.
But as long as your wife is cognizant she can legally manage her own medications. I suppose the caveat on that would be if any of them should not be take together and if doing so could harm her then you could step in. (a pharmacist could give you that information on drug interactions if you bring the information to the pharmacy next time you are there.)

ElizabethY Nov 2021
I agree with everyone--the doctor may not share medical information with you unless your wife signs off on it, but YOU can share the list of meds with the provider and note that you are concerned about keeping up with them amd possible interactions. DO list everything she takes, including any herbals, vitamins, and over-the-counter meds.

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Midkid58 Nov 2021
Make a list of the medications. W/O knowing what she's taking, we're kind of in the dark. Possibly 10 of those 'medications' are supplements, my dad took a ton of those. Made zero difference in his well being and Parkinson's, but it gave him a sense of control.

She's not actively suicidal, right? Just self medicating with goodness knows what.

She MUST be getting to the dr, where they have the lists of your medications--even going back a couple of years. If these are dr prescribed, they would know if one interacted badly with another one.

She does have the right to keep the information from you. My DH doesn't have access or the right to see what I take. I found that A: he didn't care and B: he doesn't care.

And that's OK. If he asked, or acted like he cared, he might say something, but he is only concerned with himself.

You have a right to be concerned, but if your wife is of sound mind she can do as she pleases.

I also don't know what all my husband takes. As long as he respects his diabetes and transplant anti-rejection meds, I am fine with not knowing what all he takes.

Others will totally disagree with me--but that's fine. This is not the hill I wish to die on.
JoAnn29 Nov 2021
I had a colonoscopy about 3 wks ago. My DH had to stay in the lobby. The nurse asked where he was, I told her but explained he was very hard of hearing so make sure he understands what she says. If a problem, call my daughter in her dept down the hall. I am considering not having him for my Medical POA. He gets things so screwed up sometimes.
JoAnn29 Nov 2021
I would not say your wife is in good mental heath. Was she in the hospital for the broken leg? Did she go to rehab? Is one doctor prescribing these 20 meds? If she is physically healthy why are they even prescribed.

The doctor cannot discuss your wifes health with you but you can make him aware of what is going on. He should keep anything u say confidential. I would start with ur PCP. I would list all her prescription meds, who prescribed them and OTCs. Explain that you are concerned and could he look over the list. Some of the meds could be interacting and the OTCs interferring. It may be the cause of her fixation. To me, if none of the medication is life threatning if she doesn't take them, I would have them all removed and introduce them back in. The doctor can refuse to refill.

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