Hi Everyone - I could surely use some quick advice...I'm currently at my parent's house today - I came over earlier to try to help since my father wasn't feeling well. It's been a really stressful day - I intend to write a separate post at some point due to the struggles I've had from both parents regarding physical and emotional abuse they've caused me in very recent years - both of them are fully lucid and it's not dementia related at all - it's just who they are. I've tried to distance myself from them as a result, but I'll still help when they need something. It's a long story that I am still trying to understand and work through, but that's for a different post.
For now, there's an urgency that I'm dealing with regarding my father's behavior - he said that he had an upset stomach yesterday (it's not surprising since he said that he ate fried rice from an open buffet from a supermarket...followed by a chocolate donut...and he and my mother went to a Chinese restaurant that evening (not sure if MSG sometimes in the food could also have an effect). So, today, I get to their home and my father is agitated...seeing moving numbers in front of him...seeing things on the ceiling that aren't there...he wet the jeans he was wearing and didn't realize it (which never happened before)..he's blaming me for all this - telling me that I'm doing it to him - saying horrible hurtful things to me (which is his typical personality anyway)...he's slurring his words - if I ask him a question, he answers something referring to a different topic - it's scary and I tried to get him to Urgent Care and he threatened me not to call. I have an appt for him at his doctor's office first thing in the morning and the nurse that I spoke to thought possibly a UTI or bacterial infection - especially since the day prior, he was perfectly fine - he's still functional - usually does his finances, drives, very coherent and very active. Today it's all different. My mother has only added to the chaos today - she's a covert narcissist type.
So, my question is - does anyone know what this is - or sounds like - and if it is a UTI or bacterial infection, is there anything anyone can suggest that I can do to help him this evening - until he sees the doctor tomorrow? This day has been so bizarre and scary and after the prior suffering that he's caused me in my life, it's a very big mix of emotions for me.
Thank you so much for any suggestions you can offer ~
36 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
It was important for me to mention all of you - to extend my Heartfelt Gratitude and Bountiful Appreciation for the incredible Kindness.. Compassion.. Wisdom.. Brilliance.. Direction.. Guidance and for taking the time to immediately respond and extend your support. Words seriously can't even express how much this truly meant to me when I needed it most. I felt all of your guidance and being there in spirit and it was all of you who unanimously helped me to take the proper steps - you could all be doctors (in fact, his own doctor confirmed that same advice afterwards)! You are all angels here on earth and I wish for each of you Many, Many Blessings for Great Health..Happiness..Joy.. Peace.. Prosperity and all of your wishes to be answered.
I felt incredibly alone in dealing with this situation and it was very scary. My parents have caused me immense physical and emotional abuse in recent years and I've referenced some of this in prior feedback, but I'm still trying to contend with the enormity of it and it's still hard to talk about - I mention this because it made the situation the other night even more challenging. They've been brutal towards me - it's been heartbreaking for me and I'm still trying to navigate my own life after their damage they've caused me and it'll take a lifetime to repair. I hope to write a post some time elaborating because it's hard to keep in. Anyway, I had to just explain that because after reading all of your exceptional advice, I immediately listened and took next steps - I tried to call 911 - my mother ripped the phone out of my hands - went into her rage and my father also reacted - it was a whole scene...thankfully, I got the idea from BundleofJoy to reach out to neighbors and that's what I did - I would never have thought of it otherwise because I felt so frozen from it all (thank you, bundle). I left the house, went next door and my neighbor helped and called 911 with me and came back to the house w/me. My parents know how to reel it when when necessary - my neighbor didn't get to see the chaos prior.
My father just returned from the hospital last nite - he's home now after two days there - they did every test - CatScan, MRI, bloodwork, etc -all tests were fine, except he came up positive for covid - which is so strange since he was vaccinated 3 times - the doctor said he's a-symptomatic and they administered the one-time medication that trump had gotten - due to his age. He needs to quarantine for 12 more days in his bedroom and because he's had the vaccines, the doctor said he shouldn't feel residual symptoms - the next day in the hospital, he was much more himself again - every doctor and nurse said what great spirits he has - I'm just trying to figure out who he is because he's horrible to me.
I've literally gotten no sleep for days - speaking around the clock to his doctors, nurses, running to fill their house with healthy food, protective gear, scrubbing their house, laundry, etc...and my father's first words to me when he returns is "I'll get you for this...you little b-tch...so you wanna be the boss, you'll get yours..I hope you suffer for the rest of your life, you worm..you're nothing..you're unlovable, etc'.
I felt like I was just sucker punched - I could understand if it was just because he wasn't himself due to covid - I wouldn't take it personally...but this is who he has been for his entire life - and I've just had enough.
I'm drained, I'm depleted, I'm lost, and trying to figure out what to do. I don't need this anymore.
Again, all of you have warmed my heart - may all of your goodness some back to you all in beautiful ways. Thank you so very much for being there - sending Lots of Hugs :-)
XOXO
it's absolutely horrible the words he said to you!!!!!
horrible!!!
please somehow, eliminate them from your mind.
you've been incredible.
"no sleep for days - speaking around the clock to his doctors, nurses, running to fill their house with healthy food, protective gear, scrubbing their house, laundry, etc"
and you saved his life.
it's very, very good all those tests came out negative.
sepsis, stroke, would have been awful.
it's very possible that thanks to the anti-covid medicine, you saved his life.
it appears he's now asymptomatic, but you never know: indeed, the doctors decided it's better to give medicine just in case.
of course, he should be brought to hospital. he had slurred speech, etc.
anyone else, would say to their daughter, "THANK YOU!!! thank you for being the wonderful daughter you are. it must have been very scary for you. and despite no sleep, you even bought us healthy food, cleaned the house, etc. THANK YOU."
big, big hugs hopeforhelp.
you did a fantastic, loving job with your father.
it's terrible how your parents treated you.
they made the whole situation -- unnecessarily -- much more stressful. and they were abusive towards you.
i've been praying, thinking about you and your father daily.
i'm very glad he's ok.
i'm very glad you're ok. ---- eliminate the abuse from your mind. i hope you can get away some days. big, big hug.
anyone else would have said, "THANK YOU, you wonderful daughter."
Mentally that is another story. OP my heart breaks for you that you feel compelled to help these child abusers in their old age. Especially since they are continuing the cycle of abuse towards you as an adult. I want you to know that you are worth more than being a punching bag for these two mental detectives. Please do not waste who knows how many more years on these two. Easier said than done but I hope you find the strength to do it especially with your father's latest threat.
ADVERTISEMENT
Please call 911, because there is a small time frame that medication can help, after that, it is what it is.
Approximate 90 y.o. presents with agitation, hallucination, slurred speech, after being sick yesterday with an upset stomach. There is/is not any diarrhea but had an incident of urinary incontinence. He is/is not in pain, he says.
Unable to take vitals (b/p and use of oximeter, thermometer) due to agitation.
(He won't allow you near him?).
Calling 911.
I hear you about the chaos surrounding their personality types. I don't believe you are doing 'psychological assessments'; just trying to figure out WHAT to DO. Those who haven't dealt with these personality types have NO IDEA what they're talking about!! The behaviors just add a whole lot of extra headache into an already traumatic situation!
Wishing you the best of luck with everything you have going on. Please come back and update us as soon as you can.
hugs hopeforhelp!!
If you are concerned about their well being, call Adult Protective Services and report elders at risk.
Let them stew in their own juice, dirty laundry, no food, etc. They don't deserve one single second of your concern.
I am so sorry you have been treated so badly, but they will never stop. You are the only one who can stop it by avoiding them at all costs.
My heart hurts for you. Please, please, please stop letting them abuse you.
Do you not think that calling 911 is the proper response?
I get that you are walking on eggshells, but you shoukd find out if the EMTs think it is a stroke or not.
Even if it turns out to be a UTI, it needs to be treated right away. (Not even tomorrow morning, imo.)
Even food poisoning needs to be treated in a 90 + y.o.
Call 911.
See All Answers