Should we still go on vacation?

The doctor may have asked the resuscitation question because he did not have that information in your Mom's file. That was one of the first questions the ER asked me when my Mom and later my husband were in the ER.

Re the vacation: Some things to consider -- how complicated are the arrangements for this vacation (i.e., can it easily be canceled), how quickly could you get home; do you think you would be able to enjoy the vacation or would you feel very guilty; what does your spouse think; do you feel you would need to be with her when she passes; are you stressed out from dealing with your Mom's situation and you need to recharge. My personal theory is whatever action you take, you should be at peace with the decision. Kind regards.

If you can relax and enjoy the vacation I’d encourage you to go. Trying to predict what may happen with our elders is usually a guessing game, you could very well cancel and not get a needed break and nothing happen with mom. Your need for respite is important.

My parents went on a cruise knowing Grandma (mom's mom) might not have much longer. After all, they planned for this cruise for so long, so much money invested, and Grandma could hold on longer for all they knew. Grandma died several days into their cruise. My aunt (her caregiver) held it against them, sisters became enemies, and nothing was ever right between them again. Both of them died last year within months of each other, didn't acknowledge each other in their obits, and never had spoken since the day of Grandma's funeral. Was the cruise worth it? Nope! I think you should delay your vacation.

We cancelled a trip to WDW when mil came to live her final days with us. She often said how she regretted that we didn't get that trip and asked us to promise that after she passed we would take the trip. Even though I promised, she never saw anything concrete. When the hospice nurse told us that mil was possibly lingering longer because of unsettled business, I went online, bought park tickets, and whispered to mil that I'd bought our tickets for WDW. She nodded her head and within an hour she passed. Do I regret cancelling the trip? Nope, no regrets. When we went three months after she passed, there was a peace and joy we would not have had earlier that year.

Vacations can be taken any time. The anticipated passing of loved ones nearing death can't be rescheduled. The loved ones are more important than money and relaxation.

P.S. My sister lasted one day shy of three weeks without ANY liquids or food. So I wouldn't take any "pronouncements" from this site or the Internet on how long a person can live without any intake.

Her doctor is probably setting up a DNR. Is Mom on Hospice?

Hard decision. If you go something could happen, if you don't go it probably will not happen. Ask her Dr what he thinks.

That’s so hard to answer. My gut feeling is to keep with your plans. Your mom could last well beyond your vacation time. However, my mother in law was near the end when we had already planned a family vacation out of the country. We said our goodbyes to her, even though she was unconscious. She passed while we were in the air. I wish we would have waited a day to leave. - You just don’t know when is a good time. However, I believe mom would tell you to go on as planned. I certainly believe that is what my mother in law would have said.

Can you get vacation insurance that will cover changes of plans, if you have to return early for your mother?

When they stop eating and drinking, that usually means they are on their way out. If you want to be with her when she passes, I wouldn't do it. You can always reschedule a vacation. You can't reschedule your mom's route.

I think you need more information from the dietician, doctor, or other professional, especially since she has not lost any weight the last few weeks. It takes few calories to sustain a person at this point. Until you have more information, you might consider do you really need to make a decision immediately? Think about the last date it would be feasible for you to make a decision about your vacation. How hard would it be to re-schedule? Will this be a needed break for you, or would you spend your time worrying about your mother?

Why would you even ask ???