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chlswc123 Asked December 2021

How to deal with mom hiding things?

I am constantly helping mom, who lives in ALF, try to find her things (purse, wallet, makeup) that she says are stolen. She has Alzheimer's and hides/loses her things daily. Most times I find the "stolen" items in her room. She has several spots she typically uses to hide things but not always. I try to get her to put her things in one spot to no avail. How do others handle this? Any ideas for keeping her things safe in one spot?

againx100 Dec 2021
Make sure she doesn't have anything valuable. You will never get her to put things in one spot. Reduce clutter to make it easier for her things to be found.

Retrored Dec 2021
Ahhhh you were me a few months ago! My little mum hoarder thief accuser has a proclivity for socks, glasses, handbag, MY glasses, toothbrushes, pens. .....
People come into the house all the time to shift these items!
A few things that have helped are
*EVIZ cameras (wifi security cams) very reasonable price, see her on my phone
* double "fake" purse ie keys, change, lipstick (not red!)
*Buy bulk...pens, toothbrushes,
*locked her wardrobe
*Lock box for myself
A sneaky spot for only mum to keep her treasures. ...The dryer! She loves it- no thief would think to look there!
Marenpd Dec 2021
I love your humor! Allowing the hiding activity is good. I think it is such a common issue because it feels satisfying to the aging person to feel in control*.
So a fake set of valuables is great. The real ones are in a locked drawer.
Perhaps the elderly person could have a locked drawer also, with a key on a lanyard, or on a wrist band, for their own hiding needs.

*I had a preschooler with anxiety who needed to hold onto a pair of toy whales while at school. If another child got then he would cry uncontrollably. I let him hide the animals in his cubby. All the stressful behavior and conflict went away.

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Karen51 Dec 2021
My Mum is 5 foot, so I put her purse on a shelf up high and put a couple of items in front of it. That way I knew where it was. I also got her another purse with wallet and old cards and a little cash for in the room for her to lose.

wally003 Dec 2021
hi haven't been to this forum for a long time. My mom was in ALF for almost 10 years. She was doing ok (had Alzheimer's) until she fell in the hallway and broke her (other)hip. (fell in 2011 and broke hip, ended up in ALF). Fell right when they locked down 3/20 and passed away 5/1/20. Had delirium BAD after returning from hosp to facility. Any way she just went down hill after that.

During her 10 years it was common for things to go missing. She either hid stuff on purpose or misplaced by accident. I hated spending my visiting time looking under and over everything for something missing. Eventually i learned where the prime spots for hiding were. I miss my mom but i don't miss all the confusion. My mom was never angry/mean during her last 10 years, BUT she was paranoid and believed stuff happened that did not really happen.
I never really figured out how to stop it cause well that's just dementia for ya. Well, the list of different problems we had over the years could write a book.

One of the best things I ever did though... was to have her seen by a Geriatric Dr.
She had been increasing in repeating stories about things that didn't really happen. Being ~overly~ stressed about strangers and robbers and people taking stuff during the night.(like her magazines) Any way it got bad. She got on a low dose of antidepressants and it really helped her out alot. Im not big on drugs, but sometimes they do good. It helped make her more relaxed, like the anxiety level evened out.
Not saying your mom has anxiety or stressed. But when they believe things are stolen, i think there is some fear there. I think the brain isn't functionally correct and its off balance. I hope this doesn't sound bad. Good Luck

Grandma1954 Dec 2021
First, eliminate valuable items that might be lost or misplaced.
There are "tiles" or tags that can be put on items and then they can be found more easily. Like the tags that you put on luggage so you can track where it is.
I would keep duplicates of some things so if you can not find them the item can be replaced right away so that she does not get upset.
It might be time to move mom to Memory Care rather than the Assisted Living.
MC would have a more controlled environment than the AL.

You can not get her to put items in one place
She wants to keep them safe so puts them away. Because of the dementia she forgets where she put them.

Daughterinlaw56 Dec 2021
Hahaha been there…..we used to find all kinds of things including food hidden! The best way we handled it was eliminate most stuff. Any valuables, take with you. We left her like junk mail or anything that she really didn’t need.

VikkiH Dec 2021
If you can figure out anything that works, please let me know. My boyfriend with dementia is constantly putting things somewhere he thinks is 'safe' and then calls me at work multiple times freaking out when he can't find it. I know there are things you can attach to objects, but the things he loses this is not possible. On Thanksgiving day, I played 'guess where I put my hearing aids' for four hours.. it was horrible. A few days ago he called me multiple times because he thought someone stole his dentures.. I had to leave my job and find them just so he would calm down. I used to be able to put myself in his place and think of where he would put them, but that's long gone because there is no logic to it anymore.
karenchaya Dec 2021
I am slowly becoming more and more forgetful. I swear, I can be SITTING DOWN by my desk, pick up a pen, look away for a moment and then IT IS NOT THERE. It is happening more often lately. So, I have a cousin who is my medical power of attorney and my friend. He responds with, "Don't panic. It WILL show up. And if it doesn't, I will find it when I get there in (3 or 4 weeks). If it is A LIFE OR DEATH item , I will come sooner . Is this life or death?" Then, I realize it isn't too important, and I can do without the item and tell him, "No, it's ok. Maybe it will show up before you come." Usually, it does. Either I have dropped it and then threw a blanket over it, or it rolled to another part of the room, or whatever.
dlwyma Dec 2021
Good luck. My mother is constantly hiding things she says to keep safe from all those people. There are only 3 of us in the home. She then accuses those people of stealing and then I find things under beds, stuffed in shoes, etc. if anyone has an idea, please share. I now just keep the important items. She forgets them and I don’t mention them again.

rlynn123 Dec 2021
Oh yes, I've walked in your shoes. My mom would hide things in her shoes (in the closet): a comb, a cell phone, etc. When she couldn't find something, she was convinced that thieves stole it, and she was going to call the CIA. I even wrote a book about our travails called, "My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog has Tapeworms: A Careiver's Tale." I have a chapter entilted, "Steel Yourself for Stealing." Maybe you could get "find your keys" type gadgets, to locate missing items. We haven't used them, but we've seen them advertised. There's also something called "Tile" with the same purpose, but I haven't used that either. Good luck.

Countrymouse Dec 2021
While I was a newbie, only just allowed out on rounds on my own, we had a client who was trying hard to conceal the struggle she was having with dementia. She did pretty well, too. She was dressed when I arrived, and it was only while I was documenting what clothes she had on that I realised she'd put her jacket and slacks on over her nightdress.

We went up to her bedroom to "complete her dressing routine" and following procedure I emptied her pockets in front of her. Cellphone, change, endless tissues. And a cupcake.

Keeping track of where you've put things when your short-term memory keeps cutting out is almost impossible. Does your mother become very upset when she can't find her belongings? - because as long as nothing crucial goes missing, and it's simply a matter of playing hunt the purse three times daily, I should let things be.

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