FIL? Whose FIL? You have to be married to have a father-in-LAW. If your guy is just a boyfriend, then it's your BF's dad who is nothing to you legally.
If your BFF came to you and said she met a (wonderful, nice, handsome, mr. perfect, etc.) guy who told her, "Please give up your life and move into my dad's house and take care of him with me indefinitely. And btw, he's an abusive guy so expect abusive treatment."
What's your advice to your BFF? Then, take your own advice.
Dear sweet grrl…..you owe your BF or his dad nothing. If your BF thinks it’s ok for you to be abused, whether by words or actions, then he too has a problem. Honestly, I would have a heart to heart talk wth your BF and tell him you don’t deserve or cannot tolerate the abuse his dad doles out. I wld find my own place to live and make my life a happy one. You owe it to YOU!!! Many blessings to you and much self-love…,,,Liz
‘I am at the mercy of my boyfriend’s father’ ???? Of course you aren’t! 'We gave up our life'??? Don't be silly. You are both still alive, with adult choices.
Yes, as the late great Ann Landers used to counsel: nobody takes advantage of you without your permission; in other words, if you 'gave up our life' then Take It Back. Get a backbone and disengage with tough love; make sure BF ensures his dad's safety and insist on a healthier living arrangement for all. Drowning people often drown those trying to 'rescue' them, and 'rescuing' can even become an excuse to not face one's own challenges. Stay strong, get creative, find a better way...
Are you going along with this arrangement b/c you will lose your boyfriend if you leave? Or are you and your boyfriend doing this for a free place to live? Does your boyfriend resent this arrangement as much as you do?
Evaluate your priorities. You can leave if you dislike the situation.
witchcraft1967: There is no FIL involved in this post. There is your boyfriend and his father. If you don't care to put up with the abuse, change your living dynamic.
So you made a deal of sorts & stepped in to provide care for housing? Lived experience can certainly differ from the idea of it. That's happens.
Call it *a trial*. Time to re-assess.
Should you be putting up with abuse? No.
On the flip side: Is FIL getting the care he needs?
Did he ask you to move in? My MIL asked for a little help preparing a meal: 'a little help'. What she received was having the task taken over by well-meaning but bossy family members. Sparks fly!
Asking someone to move in to help & the reality of others in your home running the show are worlds apart. FIL may be as unhappy with the new dynamic as you.
So if you don't like the plan as it is - change it.
It may need a few small changes, like adding appropriate services (don't know FIL's health needs: physical/mental/emotional).
Or maybe a whole new plan is needed. One where you reverse your decision & move out.
I'd vote for option 2. (I want to live my own live under my own roof).
No way I’d tolerate or stick around for abuse. And no one should give up their life. Move out, report him to Adult Protective Services if you feel it’s needed, and reclaim your life. Please know this man isn’t changing unless it’s to worsen
Lord, you both learned too late - never do what you did. Once this happens, you are subject to all kinds of abuse. Never ever, no matter who or why, let anyone abuse you verbally or otherwise. Talk to them, talk with the doctors, do whatever you can to stop it but if it continues, and I suspect it will, grow up - accept you made a horrible mistake and now find a way to leave and find your own place. His behavior is causing him problems so let him lie in the bed he made. Find caretakers or place him or walk away DO NOT STAY in this environment - never.
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If your BFF came to you and said she met a (wonderful, nice, handsome, mr. perfect, etc.) guy who told her, "Please give up your life and move into my dad's house and take care of him with me indefinitely. And btw, he's an abusive guy so expect abusive treatment."
What's your advice to your BFF? Then, take your own advice.
Drowning people often drown those trying to 'rescue' them, and 'rescuing' can even become an excuse to not face one's own challenges. Stay strong, get creative, find a better way...
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Your boyfriend's father is not your FiL btw.
Evaluate your priorities. You can leave if you dislike the situation.
Call it *a trial*. Time to re-assess.
Should you be putting up with abuse? No.
On the flip side: Is FIL getting the care he needs?
Did he ask you to move in? My MIL asked for a little help preparing a meal: 'a little help'. What she received was having the task taken over by well-meaning but bossy family members. Sparks fly!
Asking someone to move in to help & the reality of others in your home running the show are worlds apart. FIL may be as unhappy with the new dynamic as you.
So if you don't like the plan as it is - change it.
It may need a few small changes, like adding appropriate services (don't know FIL's health needs: physical/mental/emotional).
Or maybe a whole new plan is needed. One where you reverse your decision & move out.
I'd vote for option 2.
(I want to live my own live under my own roof).
Can you move out again? If not, why not?
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