My mom is to enter Physical Rehab Tuesday and is very resistant. I'm afraid she will not budge from her lift-chair and refuse to go. Advice?

Mom'sthird, how did it go today?

If for her safety and well being, she should be in a facility, then you must do this unless you want the constant ever increasing burden of handling all factors. First I would try medication to calm her and make her more "cooperative". While others will disagree, sometimes we have to do the unthinkable and hire two or so people to physically "escort" her to the new place. I was forced to do this once because of a total lack of cooperation and there was no choice - the trip had to be made. I told the "patient" he could come willingly to the appointment but if not, I had two hired men on standby who were only to happy to take him there personally - his choice. He gave in and went.

If your mom was cooperative when she was younger, talk to her doctor about whether an antidepressant may help.

PT should make her feel better, physically and mentally.

MomsThird: Imho, perhaps you can come up with a ruse for tomorrow, e.g. "Mom, we're going out to dinner/ice cream" all the while you know where you are going with her.

No BundleofJoy. We're not mad at Bev because she advocates home care, we are mad at her because many of us have tried it, and it becomes unsustainable.

If

wow, we are many people to comment on bev.
hi bev :).

i’m on bev’s side: i think bev means well, as do most of us.

don’t ignore bev.
i think it’s good we have several viewpoints on the website.

i think most of us here on the website are trying our best to give kind advice.

in the end, only OP knows the full picture; only OP can decide what’s the best way forward in their situation.

—
“definitely keep LO home”
vs.
“definitely put LO in a facility”

there are so many factors, to make a good decision…

——

even when one is totally convinced OP should do X…who knows, maybe X turns out to be terrible advice.

so in a sense, it’s good to hear many varied, kind viewpoints.

somewhere in that mix, one might find useful tips.

and who knows —— maybe ironically the least popular viewpoint (from some forgotten post) WOULD HAVE BEEN indeed the best way.

:)

it happens all the time in math, science, literature…some totally unpopular view later turns out to be right!

so why shouldn’t it happen also in the world of advice :).

nice to have varied, kind viewpoints. :)

——

so many of us on this website are suffering (besides our LOs)…

don’t abandon yourself.
go for your dreams.
expect a lot from life.

:)

bundle of joy :)

Emphasize to your mom that rehab is just that: rehabilitation, therapy to return her to being stronger, that it is Temporary so she gets a chance to Get Stronger, so she can return to her regular life With Skills To Help Herself STAY Stronger. Emphasize that unless she learns how to get stronger, with the help of the professionals in REhab, she will risk getting weaker and maybe not be able to stay at home down the road: Down The Road; she will get the idea if she's as strong willed (smart) as you claim. My mom was in huge denial about the extent of her problems until she broke down and actually asked me (the 'kid') "I would just like to know why I'm having such a hard time lately?" I took a deep breath, saying a little prayer for strength to tell her the truth, because no one else (even her HMO doc) up to that point: when I explained her predicament in straightforward terms she paused momentarily then said, "Well I guess I'd better get that Life Alert thing, accept Meals on Wheels, and do some exercises the young man (PT) showed me." Bingo. Put the ball into your mom's court!

MomsThird, how did it go?

I would suggest a clear statement of agenda: doing what she needs to do in order to maintain her living arrangements. That should be the deal. She must trust your judgement and not sabotage your efforts. I wouldn’t consider letting her tour the facility without total commitment on her part. My mom was sassy about balance classes, outpatient PT, etc. she balked at the recommendation of a walker and refused to use the one I bought her. After work on my part, I loins a three wheel rollator that she begrudgingly accepted. It became her ally in the six years she was able to live in her home with my daily assistance and continued to keep her mobile in the two years in memory care.

Let her know that cooperating with rehab will be the only way she will be allowed to come back home with you. If she doesn't cooperate or progress, let her know that she will have to go to a skilled nursing facility. Tell her lovingly that you can not do the heavy lifts alone anymore.

From experience. Rehab/Nursing Homes are an Awful place to live, even for a week.

You can fall just as easily in there and worse catch something from someone else.

Nusing f Homes are all Understaffed and you can end up laying in your own urine and feces for up to an hour.

You should allow her to stay at home, where she is comfortable and feels safe.

The Nursing Homes will tell you exactly what you want to hear but remember, it's just a Sales Pitch and once in the home, it's nothing like advertised.

Please leave her at home.

Sign her up for Home Health and let her do her therapy in the comfort of her home.

INatalie a few Cameras I'm her home so you can check in on her 24 6 at any time.

For my 97 yr old Dad, I had my son install Nest Cameras which was pretty easy.

It's always a good idea to keep watch over your love one to see how they're treated at home, when you're not around.

Do not put her in a Rehab/Nursing Home, it would be a horrible experience. It will shorten her life. She will be unhappy , sad, scared and will start going downhill from the moment you leave her there.

Prayers

Mom is currently in her home with a mish-mash of care givers providing 24 hour care. She is almost 92 and has little use of her right arm from a fall and shoulder replacement 8 years ago. She has 3 more broken areas in the shoulder joint now due to a home health nurse placing the arm in a bad position while changing the dressing on a draining fistula due to the infection in the shoulder.

She has been in terrible pain the last 4 weeks due to the carelessness of the nurse. Her home health physical therapist saw her this afternoon and she past his exam with flying colors.....she even told him "I'm doing much better, I don't even need my pain medicine any more" as soon as he left she took two hydrocodone. I agree the pain has decreased compared to previous weeks but she is a fall risk and is resisting help from the folks staying with her. the PT called me after his assessment and she did well on his tests and stated that a rehab center can not give her the quality of care she is getting at home.

The whole situation is taking its toll on her primary caregiver and on me..... Mom has been very sassy and contrary lately. She states that she knows what is best for her. In fact two doctors have released her until she "needs them again". I think her attitude influenced those decisions.
I live about 1.5 hours away but plan on seeking her tomorrow.

Where does she live? Home? AL?

I like Alva's hard stance. Tell her that she needs to do this or she is going to need too much care for her current living arrangements and will have to go to a nursing home. Tell her the rehab is short term, so that she will be able to remain living where she's living. Tell her it's only for a few weeks (or whatever you expect the duration to be).

I don't know what to do if she won't get out of her chair and cooperate for the visit! Maybe entice her with something she likes afterwards? Going out for lunch? Ice cream? A stiff drink - lol? Going to visit someone? Then hopefully she likes the place and will not give you a hard time about going for real. If she won't go on the tour, I would push real hard for going on Tuesday.

She can do exercises w/o getting up.    When my mother's leg was broken, we had to intervene b/c the first therapist (male) said she wouldn't cooperate.   After a team meeting, a female therapist replaced the male.   She knew how to work with frightened patients.  And everything went much better then.  

(We also took her to her ortho doctor before the meeting, who stated that she should NOT have been forced to stand on her broken leg.  His position of support meant a lot  (I'm sure) in getting better therapy and care.)

The therapist could give her exercises that can be done laying down, or sitting up on the bed (better a wheelchair though, more support for her back).

What can you do to (a) lessen her fear and anxiety and (b) make more confident of herself?   We brought flowers, candy, photos and more.  And we visited a lot, although that's more challenging these days.

Also, find out about activities, specifically animal visits and music.   They were a blessing for all of us.   Animals can soothe frightened people.

Good luck; IF you have a good rehab company, and a good therapist, wonders can be worked!

Are you currently taking care of her?
If so, then it is an either or approach. "Either you cooperate and get as well as you are able, as mobile, or you enter care, because it is becoming too tough to take care of you while you are either bedbound or chairbound. Basically it is up to you. So I would suggest giving this a try so we don't need right now to consider what the next steps might be."
She may be right. This may be the best she can do. And if so she may need placement. And you are almost certainly correct that she is fearful. Promise visits as often as you are able.