She has always said she will never leave her home. Has always been a controlling woman and has lost all friends. Widow of 25 years ( and she was awful to him) Home is a dungeon. She has no hobbies. Her health is her identity. Calls her kids and her health is a drama, then we take her to dr and it isn't so bad. But now she couldn't get out of a chair or lift leg, so Dr had health nurses visit. She refused to do PT, they sent her to ER. All they said was dehydrated. Her issues with heart, legs, back not qualifying for hospital care but needs a nursing home. She refuses.
She has a POA but refuses to give it to us, doesn't trust we won't put her in nursing home. Doesn't understand we want her safe. Will this be a rough year ahead of hospital/release/hospital ? She has congestive heart ( not bad enough), edema in legs, easily cuts in legs so usually open wounds, hip in need of replacement( she won't do), back stenosis.
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Well she got her way really. Stayed in her home as long as possible..
I wish you much peace for the next part of the journey.
Maybe.. usually hospital/rehab/release as if 'unsafe discharge' the hospital can force rehab into that cycle. This goes on repeat until they mentally give in or they physically must give up.
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After the 3rd hospital visit in 2 weeks...( due to difficulty breathing)
a physician assist said her kidney and heart were failing.
Twice in before in 2 weeks and noone caught that ???
( Two previous hospital visits; Dr gave her IV and sent her home. Said her inability to walk didn't qualify for hospital rehab.)
Her sodium back to low level it was last week.
Dr told her and she finally accepted hospice and palliative care in a nursing home.
She is headed there now.
She spent the last 6 years refusing to listen to family or go to assisted living.
I believe that your Mom and my Mom probably still believed that a nursing home or senior facility was a State Asylum from an old time era. Today, many of the living facilities are built like hotels. I couldn't even get my Mom to take a tour of a place which had apartments the same square footage as their house.
As others had answer on this thread, one has to wait for an emergency. I had to do that with my Mom. She had gone twice to the hospital for a bad fall. She went from the hospital to the Rehab, and then into the nursing home after her second fall as there was head trauma. She never return back home. Dad moved to a senior facility, had a nice small apartment, and was happy as a clam there.
If there is no one in her home to care for her
If all family members refuse to care for her if/when she is discharged
The hospital can not discharge her unless it is safe to do so..
They may have no option but to take this the legal route and the court would “force” a move. The court may appointment a temporary Guardian or guardian ad litem or possibly a social worker to be sure she follows through and is safe.
If she doesn't have a medical diagnosis of incapacity or memory impairment then she is free to run her life as she pleases and hopefully you won't orbit around her drama. Please explain to her that if she really doesn't have a PoA and then she becomes incapacitated, the county will move for guardianship and will transition her into a facility as soon as a bed is open. The family will have no visibility or control over her medical and financial affairs at that point. It is better for her to make decisions now than wait for others to make them for her, since she doesn't trust anyone. None of this logic may influence her (and I'm betting it won't) but at least telling her gives you a clear conscience when the crisis inevitably comes.
FYI if she has a health crisis that causes her to go to the ER be sure to impress upon the discharge nurse that she lives by herself and no one will be providing her care and that it would be an "unsafe discharge" (use those exact words). If the hospital stops hounding you to come get her (which is a thing that happens), she will go directly into a rehab facility. This would buy you some time to figure out how to keep her there, if possible. I wish you much wisdom in putting up boundaries so that she doesn't run you all ragged.
Just make sure that she understands that you will not keep running her back and forth to the Dr. if she isn't willing to make some changes.
I wish you well, as you wait for the "event" to happen as it most certainly will.