Why do some elderly dig out their own poop?

Would you have felt happier if she'd been digging out somebody else's poop? I'm sorry you were disturbed and feel overwhelmed, but the best person to ask about your mother's bowel habit - whether she's uncomfortable, for example - is your mother.

Yes, I expect she felt a bit "stuck." Manual disimpaction is a recognised procedure, quite possibly one she has carried out many a time in her nursing career. The important thing is that she washes properly afterwards if she is sometimes doing this; so another time don't back out doing the silent screaming face, offer help and take her to the bathroom.

And always knock before you go into her room.

To be honest, this sounds a lot easier to cope with than fecal incontinence. Why are you so upset? If your mother was a nurse, and knows what she is doing, there is no need for you to be overwhelmed. Help her clean her hands and nails, and be glad that any constipation is under control. You might ask her if she has any preference for metamucil or its relatives, because 'everyone knows' that constipation is a problem for so many old people.

My dad is in hospice and on various pain meds that cause constipation. His 'lady friend' always offer to dig out his poop when he is constipated. She is of the same age (86) as him. When I refused to do it, she said it is what comes with taking care of someone. He has also done it himself and his hospice nurse has as well. I don't feel comfortable doing it but he says it helps (?). It rarely results in a BM so I think it is more a mental comfort...that he or someone is helping with the issue. Good luck.

Probably due to constipation and gets relief by removing the stool. Constipation is uncomfortable and painful. Try giving a stool softener such as Colace. I would let the primary doctor know and might recommend another remedy.

Harking back to her nursing days, probably did this for a patient or two?

Your description sounds like something out of a horror movie. A darkened room, heavy rain, thunder and lightening and your mother doing something unspeakable as a crack of thunder reverberates in the air and lightening illuminates your mother on the bed.

How about a Fleet bottle? If she can be on her knees with both hands up her rectum, this would be fairly realistic in terms of physical capability.

If this person is anywhere mobile, the risks to your home are great beyond the cosmetic or smelly ones. Fecal-oral transmission is a thing. She could be contaminating your food for all you know.

If she can't use a Fleet and insists on probing her rectum with two hands, it might be time for a facility.

This is typical dementia behavior. You say your mom sundowns but hasn't been diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimer's, which doesn't mean she's not suffering from either or both, just that she hasn't been tested. She needs a cognitive evaluation asap, especially since you say she's suffered a stroke, which makes her a lot more likely to have developed dementia.

But why not ask her why she was doing this, first off? Maybe she'll tell you she's constipated and then you can take the appropriate steps to help her. If she can't explain why, then you'd need to assume it's dementia related. If she's trying to release impacted feces, why would she not be doing this on the TOILET but in bed where it makes a mess???

In the meantime, you can dress her in an Alzheimer's anti strip jumpsuit you can buy on Amazon, just search out that very phrase. Put her in a Depends first, then the suit. She won't be able to access her undergarment or her rectum, and the problem is solved. She's not doing this to be grotesque....its just something that goes with the territory for some elders who become fixated with their excrement once dementia gets to the moderate stages.

Good luck

This old nurse can tell you that generally this is because the poop is impacted and the muscles too weak to move it out. The longer poop stays in the lower rectum the more fluid is removed from it and the more difficult to remove. As a nurse she likely disimpacted poop over and over again. She knows the mechanics. Now is doing it for herself.
I am recommending citrucel (not metamucil which is also fiber supplement but ferments in a different way and causes much more flatus, a problem. Also consider a stool softener. Your pharmacist will give you recommend for best over the counter.
Wishing you good luck.

Could be that she is having trouble expelling her stools..so disimpacting herself when she thinks you won't see her.
Issues around bowels are very prevalent in elders..and retired nurses can be rather hard to help...
An agent that adds bulk to stool can help...and more fluids/fiber in daytime.
Take a look at her hands in the morning after she gets us and toilets. She may be washing them then - an indication that she knows this is something private.
Offer to do a home manicure...or at least soak her fingers in warm soapy water, clean out any feces (even a toothpick will work..or use a nailbrush if lots to remove.)
If this seems to happen often, let her MD know. There could be a medical issue.
Lysol wipes and spray (or very dilute bleach rinsed well) are good for cleaning up, and you can buy exam gloves at the drug store.
An old remedy for clearing the unmistakeable odor - strike one or 2 wooden matches, let them burn out..so there is lots of smoke..the smoke neutralizes the odor, to a degree.