I’m tired. Not the best husband not the worst, 57yrs of military and law enforcement. I can’t do this.

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wims2019 Asked December 2021

I’m tired. Not the best husband not the worst, 57yrs of military and law enforcement. I can’t do this.

He is very ungrateful he has no one else but me. I am not well myself and I fear he is driving me to a stroke or an aneurysm. I tried very hard. Sometimes he’s not as bad, but he can flip at the drop of a hat so can I. I don’t want to put him in a home but it looks like that’s what’s going to happen and it’s gonna happen soon.
We are not violent towards each other, we’ve been together 45 years. I’m so done I can’t get help from anywhere because we can’t afford it. They say we make too much for the state to help but not enough to help ourselves. What can I do?

Alzheimer's & Dementia Burnout Family Caregiver Marriage

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score 3 · Answer 1

See an elder law attorney so you can work out division of assets so that you can place your husband in care. You have a right to a life. You will be able to visit and support him the best way you can, but currently you are smack dab up against your own limitations.
Wishing you the best going forward.

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score 1 · Answer 2

Caregiving is very tiring, no doubt about it. Do you have any help? can he safely be left alone for you to get out of the house? If not, I'm sure you are seriously burnt out and you are right to be worried about your health. You can not sacrifice your well being in order to care for someone else.

Sorry that you have too much money but not enough money. Between a rock and a hard place.

If his condition warrants it, it may be time to place him. It may be hard to do that but there may be no other way for you to protect your own health and well being.

Good luck.

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score 4 · Answer 3

Have you tried the VA?

Spend the money and consult a certified elder law attorney, www.nelf.com is where you will find one near you.

There are ways to get approved for help, even if you make to much.

You matter too!

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score 3 · Answer 4

Have you checked to see if you are eligible for any services/benefits from the VA?

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I’m tired. Not the best husband not the worst, 57yrs of military and law enforcement. I can’t do this.

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