How can I get my mom to stop the constant moaning & whining whenever she exerts herself, like getting up or taking a shower?

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. Nothing's worse than some younger and healthy person telling you that you have to be healthier and stronger than you actually are.

I just had surgery about ten days ago, and while my husband was fairly sympathetic while I was in the hospital, he was completely DONE once I came home. Never mind the doctor said it'd be two weeks before I could return to my regular activities -- he thinks I look fine, so I must be. It isn't helpful, but of course, he's never had surgery and has no idea what the recovery time is like.

Just because you aren't 91 doesn't mean you can't try to be more understanding. Find a way to vent your frustrations away from Mom, and try to be more empathetic. She's not a child working toward indepedence -- she's exactly the opposite and is becoming more dependent, and that's the natural progression of things.

I can remember my MIL telling her SIL, who was 90, that she just turned 80. The SIL said "I would love to be 80 again, I did so much more".

I know a man who owns a law firm and has an interest in a bank. At 90, he still goes into both daily. His wife says he works 10 hrs a day. If u saw this man u would not believe he is 90. A man in our Church is 102. Still out taking his walks and living in his own home. He has always been active.

Even with no Dementia they can become like a child. As asked, what would you have done if one of ur children handed you their trash? Do not "disable" her. She needs to do as much as she can for herself even if it takes her a while. Ignore the moaning and groaning, its just for effect. If she gets no reaction, she may eventually stop. I would not "be at her" anymore. If she is capable of doing for herself and she doesn't do it, oh well, it doesn't get done.

Denise64, your Mom is doing the best she can. I never understood why my parents were having such difficulty doing things when they were in their 80's and 90's. Now that I am in my mid-70's it has been a major light bulb moment.

Your Mom could also be frustrated that she can no longer do the things she use to do with ease a decade ago. It's tough getting older. Then throw in mobility issues, and it can be painful to do the simplest things. Just turning a certain way can trigger some muscle pain or twinge. We no longer have the ability to lift things like we did in the past. Our eyesight is no longer user friendly. Heavens, I could read the fine print on a medicine bottle 5 years ago, but not today, forgetaboutit. I now need a magnifying glass to read the newspaper as readers make me seasick. How I hate that !!

So let's step into our elder's shoes for a few minutes to view the world from their side.

She is being a Senior Brat, trying to see how far as she can push it.

Don't indulge her. Walk out with the whining. As far as the crocodile tears, yeah, no. The more she does do by herself, actually, the better off she is. As are you.

So you moved in to help her after she got out of rehab. Since she seems physically fine now, maybe it's time to move out?

When she handed you her trash you should have reacted the same way if one of your kids tried that and told her to throw it out herself.

"No" is not a four letter word. Which, of course, needs to be used judiciously with your mom. Re-hab for what? Can you talk to her primary doctor about what's going on with her?
Otherwise, "I'm constantly annoyed by her" is not going to help you, your mom or this situation. If that is the case, talk to a therapist, friends, family, get a handle on this. No one is perfect, we all have very challenging caregiving issues to deal with, but maybe it has come to a point of moving out, get live in help for her, you will feel better about a lot of issues you're understandably wrestling with.