Hi,
My elderly parents live alone (I live abroad and am an only child, with no extended family to support). They are on the whole self sufficient but medications and diet is an issue. My mother just got released from hospital and is on a thin line and needs to follow a specific diet (this is recurring with all medications, etc). She thinks she understands what the diet is and how to take medications but she does not. I am now staying with them to care for her but this causes a lot of friction and fights (which do not help her health as she has a heart condition).
The difficulty is that I see from her point of view, I am the one that does not understand and she thinks I am being overprotective. Even trying to explain the reasoning behind the doctor's choices etc is to no avail.
I do not know how to deal with this issue as every meal turns into lengthily arguments where she then feels ill from the anger. I admit I tend to be quite short tempered and get frustrated easily.
Paradoxically, the fact that she thinks she is following the doctor's directions and diet precisely makes it harder. Has anyone been in a similar situation and can offer some advice?
Many thanks,
Giulia
2 Answers
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Also at this appointment, request the HIPAA Medical Representative form, put your name on it and have your mom sign it. If she's in the US, her docs won't legally be able to discuss her medical issues with you without her also being present if she doesn't name you as her MR. If you are out of the country you will need this legal ability. I wish you all the best in helping your mom.
I think you need to bat this ball into the doctor's court.
Can you and mom have a telemed visit with the doctor? Make this NOT about who's right. Have mom explain to the doctor what her understanding is (this may give the doc some insight into mom's judgement, reasoning ability and executive functioning).
You may discover that mom's understanding is "good enough". Or she may discover that she misinterpreted what she was told. Or the doctor may see that she's not thinking clearly. Make sure s/he understands that you will be returning to your home and the parents will be on their own.
In any event, this is not really within your wheelhouse to control. Your mother presumably is considered competent and gets to make her own choices. Don't ruin your relationship with her over this.
I discovered that getting a "professional" to advise my mom was ALWAYS preferable to my telling her what to do.
many thanks! This is great advice. I sometimes do this but I feel bad we are being "special", so thanks for the answer it really helps to put things into perspective and feel less lonely!
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