Mhillwt Asked December 2021

Covid and Christmas gatherings for elderly mom. Was I in the wrong to worry about taking her to a party of 23 family members?

I'm a bit distraught today because I got into a bad fight with my brother regarding my mom.

I texted him yesterday to say that I'm hearing lots of people are getting sick with covid who are vaccinated ie mom's hairdresser told us she had 4 cancellations yesterday etc. I asked if we could discuss how safe it was to bring mom to xmas eve dinner (23 people) and xmas day lunch (11 people). He got very angry in his text response and told me he is tired of this subject and we just won't go anywhere anymore - end of discussion - don't want to talk about it. I was so sad that he doesn't have the capacity to engage with me who is mom's primary caregiver 24/7. Later, I told mom to talk to him and he really wants to go, we will go. I was upstairs when mom asked him last night about going and I overheard he said "stop, I don't want to discuss this anymore, etc etc" and so it infuriated me and I went downstairs and read him the riot act and in front of my frail mom ...he didn't react and continued to watch tv.... I left the house with mom begging me not to go. I lost my temper and I feel that I ruined mom's health, xmas and my relationship with my brother (my brother and I don't talk much since he doesn't communicate feelings, etc). This all started with me just asking if he thought it would be safe to take mom. Omricron is raging in NYC right now and so many vaccinated people I know are getting covid. My mom had covid. She is boosted. But she has heart failure, diabetes and hypertension and was hospitalized once already w covid in March 2020. Was I in the wrong to worry about taking her to a party of 23 family members (all vaccinated but not all boosted and many school kids and young adults)? My brother and I never fought in 60 yrs since we don't talk much to each other but this left us all rattled - I really lost my temper for 1 minute.

63 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First

I am a Public Health Nurse. Do not take your Mum to the party. She has serious underlying health problems and is in an at risk group. I’m sorry if your brother is sick of the subject ( aren’t we all!! ) but we have to be careful for a while longer. Omicron is highly transmissible, even if everyone tests before the party unfortunately the tests are not always 100% accurate. Please do t feel bad for trying to protect your mum.

Helpful Answer (19)

Nonsense. Once this variant goes away there will be another and another. With billions to be made this will never go away. The WHO just said boosters are creating more problems than anything stopping the spread. And hospitals are short staffed not because nurses and doctors are getting sick from covid but because they were fired for refusing to take the vaccine. At the height of the pandemic hospital staff in my area were being laid off because they were not busy enough to warrant the number of staff and income coming in. This when hospitals were supposedly overrun with covid patients.

(5)

Update …host came down wcovid…party cancelled…same thing happened last yr w same party

Helpful Answer (18)

😱
In case your Brother doesn't say it, I will: You were right.

(20)

Absolutely not. He's sick of this? Aren't we all. Just yesterday I heard from an older friend with both shots, boosted and she masks everywhere. COVID-positive and no idea where she got it. Here's a better example: another older friend did exactly what your brother wants--she went to a family Christmas gathering last year. Ended up positive and in a nursing home. Still. Or how about this: my dad died a year-plus ago from COVID before there was a vax. Being sick of this isn't going to make it go away. Nor are the selfish jackass wanna-be badasses I see refusing to mask in my local shops. Sick of it? Yeah. Aren't we all. If only they'd be the ones to get it.

Helpful Answer (16)

Your post proves that all the vaccines and so called precautions do nothing to stop a person from getting covid. Either you have good immunity or you don't. People are not being selfish because they are not wearing masks or getting a vaccine that clearly is not stopping the spread of anything.

I also think lack of hand washing hygiene is a bigger problem. And that hand sanitizer everyone uses us not a substitution for good old soap and water.

(7)

You were correct to lose your temper. This is a very important issue. It's likely not safe to take your mom to an outing with 23 people in attendance. I just had to make the decision to bow out of Christmas Eve dinner, Christmas Day celebrations, and a Christmas week surprise party for a loved family member because it's too much to expect a 93-year-old woman and her 65-year-old caregiver to expose themselves during this part of the pandemic (btw, we're both vaccinated and boosted -- further note: my 30-year old niece also vaxxed and boosted just had a breakthrough case of Covid this week). If your brother doesn't get risk vs. benefit he needs to read up on it.

Helpful Answer (14)

Your mom has already HAD covid. Your mom is boosted. She's old and if she wants to go to this function, I'd say LET HER GO.

The bottom line is this: we're all going to die of something sooner or later anyway. We can stay holed up in the house to be 'safe' and wind up dying ANYWAY. Or, we can 'take our chances' and be with family this holiday season, realizing that this new strain is the LEAST deadly of all the strains, turn off the TV set, and stop letting fear rule our LIVES.

Our choice.

Your brother doesn't want to hear the fear mongering anymore, so honor his wishes and honor your mom's wishes, whatever they may be.

Helpful Answer (14)

She already experienced the terror of being hospitalized alone w no family w covid in March 2020…she doesn’t want to repeat this type of possible death ie alone in hospital …

(10)

Everyone is edgy and tired of Covid. Easy to understand why people don't want to hear any more about this. That said, I can't imagine why you would even have to ask about putting mom in the middle of the Omicron Petrie dish and probably endanger her, and you, and everyone there. Just apologize to your brother and stay home. Welcome to Christmas 2021.

Helpful Answer (13)

You mean well but everyone is on edge with this virus including brothers and sisters. It's not worth fighting. The world is badly messed up right now.

(1)

I would be very worried about taking an elderly person to that kind of event, especially in NYC! We are keeping Christmas very tiny this year in part because of my Dad's health, even though we are all vaccinated. Even a mild case of COVID is potentially fatal for people with serious health problems.

Helpful Answer (12)

Thanks for updating us that the party was cancelled due to the host coming down with Covid. I think you were right to voice your concerns and your brother was wrong with his harsh reaction. This was a situation that clearly could have been discussed in a rational, adult way. I'm so happy the situation rectified itself and you no longer have to deal with it. I hope you and your small family can put aside the hurt feelings and have a peaceful and happy Christmas at home.

Helpful Answer (11)

You are smart to be concerned. Omicron is incredibly transmissible! In my opinion, the only way it would be safe is a) if everyone double or triple vaccinated b) everyone does a rapid test before the gathering. My daughter along with 3 colleagues was just infected at a small work gathering (6) where 1 person had been exposed to someone who was positive. There goes our Christmas.
Everyone's nerves are frayed right now. But protecting your elderly mother should be the top priority.

Helpful Answer (10)

My sig-other final put his foot down regarding his grown children coming to visit us for the holidays. We are both 75, had our shots/boosters when they first came out last winter. Wear masks on those off chances we need to enter a store. He is super careful at work, thankfully half of it is outdoors.

Sig-other retirement job to keep busy is working at a local cemetery. Don't fool yourself, he has buried young children to elderly who have had covid. He's buried young men in their 20's and 30's who parents said were very healthy. Covid doesn't care.

Right now, our great-grandson, who is 10, has covid. He's not enjoying Christmas as he has symptoms. Some adult in that household decided to go to holiday gatherings without being vaccinated or even wearing a mask. Others at those gatherings also came down with covid. Everyone is in isolation for 10 days.

Omicron can be "mild", but "mild" in comparison to having be on a ventilator. You can be down for the count at home for a length of time, and may even develop long-haul issues, such as being exhausted daily. Yes, that is your choice.

Helpful Answer (10)

❤

(1)

See All Answers

Covid and Christmas gatherings for elderly mom. Was I in the wrong to worry about taking her to a party of 23 family members?

63 Answers

Recent Questions

Popular Questions

Related Questions

Ask a Question