I will try and condense this the best that I can. My disabled mom moved into my house 6 years ago. My younger brother who is 43 was living with her and the plan was for them both to come to the town where I live. He was going to move in with his girlfriend who was local. Perfect scenario... um not really. They got in a fight and she kicked him out. He moved in here saying only a couple of weeks. Long story short, it’s been 6 years.. of which I wished had never happened. WE DO NOT MAKE GOOD ROOMMATES!! He is over dramatic, opinionated and selfish. I am not perfect, but I prefer peace at my age of 62. We have decided it’s best for him to leave, granted he just had shoulder surgery(what perfect timing). Now our Landlord has given us 6 months notice to move. I am so grateful for his length of time, but have to plan now because of the shortage of rentals in my area. We had originally planned on him moving out after we helped him. 9 months or so. We are going to be stretched on time so I have decided to look just for me and my mom. She is not willing to go anywhere unless he is settled. She says he needs to go, but the next time she is saying she won’t leave without him. I am torn. I can’t handle him anymore and now she won’t give in. Any input is grateful appreciated. Thanks.
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So... how did you come to be responsible for housing your mother and your brother? What makes it your job to manage this for them?
Time for bounderies to be established. You obviously need a quiet, safe, stable living enviroment and that is up to you to enforce as they don't and won't respect your needs. They do not have to change. You have to-to get what you want for yourself, which is perfectly reasonable to want. Chaos is exhausting.
I can use myself as an example-there's a difficult family member, and after yet another dramatic episode from them-I told everyone I have had enough and "these are my rules of engagement from now on". None of 'em took me seriously, as I'm fairly easy going and have done a lot for 'em. Well....I stuck to my guns (therapist and best friend totally supported me on this) and I don't have to deal with the person's dramas, stepped away and the rest of 'em just don't know what to do with the fall out of my reasonable actions and the person has had another dramatic episode-and I feel great not being part of it. So, it was not easy to do, but I am the sole care giver to my husband, I do not need more stress and must take care of myself. I do hope you will find a way to establish that for yourself-it takes awhile, but in the end, it feels really good.
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