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Smitysmith13 Asked January 2022

Assisting a family friend. Any suggestions?

A family friend has been admitted into a nursing home. His children do not care to help him with his financial affairs or decision making. I temporarily assisted him with his bills when he originally was in the hospital there was no phone when I visited, he uses my phone same in the nursing home now and I assist him if needed. I cannot afford a lawyer to pay for guardianship. I've contacted several. I'm single and don't make a lot of money. He can be very clear minded some days, Then others lucid and his memory is not as good. I would hate to suggest his Social worker get the state involved because they will have their way with him. He is a veteran and does get benefits, they may take his pension. He even has an apartment that is being paid because the doctors at one time thought he may get better.. Also if not pay the rent his things will get put out if evicted. His lease is ending. He chooses to continue to pay because he feels he can take care of himself and go back home. I don't know what to do.. I try to assist when I can but this is stressful. Any suggestions? It's taking a toll on my health. I hate to see him lose everything. I also feel he is not getting the medical care he needs to help with his memory. They are constantly stealing his belongings in this nursing home as well. They never return his clothes from laundry. He ends up with other residents clothes. He has lost soo much weight since being there because of the stress and not eating. He is literally bones.. Yes this question is all over the place that's just how frustrating this is. A bitter daughter is is POA of his medical but isn't proactive.

Geaton777 Jan 2022
If you know the contact info for the daughter who is PoA I would give this info to the social worker (or APS) and then bow out except to visit as a friend and do friend things, not caregiver things. It's hard stand on the sidelines and watch it unfold.

JoAnn29 Jan 2022
This is sad. And I sympathize with you but you really can't do much but be a friend. You have no say in his care. If you are not his POA, you really should not be involved with his money.

The wise thing may to let the State take over. A guardian will be assigned. This person has to report to the State how his charge is doing. The guardian has to see him. You can't really do anything.

I would contact the daughter and explain what is going on. She can revolk her POA and let the State take over. I may, call APS and explain what is going on.

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funkygrandma59 Jan 2022
Sadly since he already has his "bitter daughter" as his POA, there is nothing you can legally do. Does the social worker at the nursing facility have his daughters contact information, as it should be her that's looking out for her dad?
It's sweet that you care and try to look out for him, but he's really not your problem. I think at this point the best you can do for him, is just make sure that you're visiting him periodically, so he knows that someone cares. But it really isn't doing you any good carrying his burdens, when there's nothing you can do or say regarding his care at this point. So let the chips fall where they may, and just be there as his friend.

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