How do I handle this situation?

Ok, so your mother is acting unhinged. This type of behavior is common after surgery and an extended 4 week stay in the hospital. Now she's in rehab and acting out...totally common. When my parents were hospitalized and then went to rehab, they were suffering from hospital delirium where mom was seeing mice crawling on the floor! Angry outbursts and all sorts of mood swings go with the territory, I'm sorry to say. Your mother has had her whole life thrown upside down and she's discombobulated, uncomfortable and baring her teeth now. It's not you, it's her circumstances she's railing against. And yes, she can definitely have a UTI, be reacting to meds (especially painkillers), have another type of infection in her surgical wound, or showing Sundowning symptoms which my dad did in spades while in rehab.

Don't take her behavior personally, if possible. Speak to the staff at the SNF and get their feedback on what they think is going on. Have her checked for a UTI via a urinalysis. Has she been checked for dementia? This whole mess started because she was on a ladder trying to fix something which shows impaired judgement. She's also showing signs of confusion by saying she'll go alone to the doctors appointment which isn't possible. These are all signs that there is something organically wrong with her, either mentally or physically. You need to rule that out before you get insulted by her snarky remarks.

Your sister is another story. To be an armchair critic and blame you for mother's accident is a terrible thing to do. While you are the boots on the ground daughter and she's the one "supervising" from her recliner, what a joke. But that's a matter for another time. If mother turns out to be fine and just having a meltdown, tell them both they're welcome to each other from now on, that you'll retire from the thankless job you're so "lousy" at anyway. Snicker.

Wishing you the best of luck getting to the bottom of what's happening with mom.

If she thinks your sister can make better decisions then tell her to call your sister then. Tell her to make sure the staff has sisters phone # so they will call her. Tell her you hope she has a ride to the Doctor's since she doesn't want you going.

If your Mom will not except your input and she thinks she knows best, then she is on her own.

From your last 2 posts, are u sure there is no Dementia involved? I cannot imagine the Nurse threw her pills at her. But with Dementia her mind could have seen it that way. A nurse will hold a persons hand to make sure they take the cup of pills. If Moms actions are new, I would have her checked out. If she was always like this and sister too, then I would back off. You are a scapegoat. Like u said, u can't oversee Mom 24/7. Seems like Mom and sister know best so let them deal with Moms health problems together.

Start by having mom tested for a UTI (urinary tract infection).

These can cause behavioral symptoms. Often, they made my mom act completely out of character.

Hmm. Fear? Is Mother scared?
Sometimes fear makes people lash out, especially at our nearest & dearest.

Not excusing her behaviour.. just thinking here.

Loss of control? 'If I can't controll everything I'll call my daughter to control everything...' ? Or guilt daughter into doing everything my way?

Have you heard of FOG?
Fear. Obligation. Guilt.
Is that subconscious undercurrent at work here?

I think you must be doing great to ignore those calls while at work. Keep that up. The rehab would call you if a true emergency.

I don't know how others managed to get out of the FOG but for me, I think of the most commonsense answer & use that. Eg: If you can't walk, you need a wheelchair. If you can't push the chair yourself, you need help. If you can't cope at home, you can't be at home.

(Or sometimes I get silly & suggest flying, faeries or a magic wand instead 🦄🧚‍♀️💫)

Tajann, can you contact your sister and get on the same page about mother's behavior instead of allowing mother to triangulate you two?

She and sister should both be grateful that you were there for the hosp. You are there for the rehab. And that should be it. If she demands more help, helpfully suggest some agencies. That's it. Do not be this person's 24/7. It will only get worse.

No one has POA and she doesn't seem to care. And quite frankly, I don't care either at this point. I have bent over backwards to help her in more ways than most would. I found her a great rehab facility close to her home and now she wants to argue with the staff and tell me how I believe everything they say. Now she said if "you can't" go with me then I'll go by myself. She would never make it to the Dr appointment by herself. The hospital is huge. She is non weight bearing on the surgical leg. She has transportation to the hospital but they aren't responsible for taking her to the 23rd floor for her appointment. and then she will tell my sister how awful I am for not going with her. Just like she told her how awful I am for putting her in a "nursing home". Which is a rehab.

Maybe you don't need to 'give up', but why not step back?
Step out of the drama. Watch from the sides.

As you say, you are not POA - so if Mother is in control - let her be.

I agree with PeggySue. Suggest Mother co-operate with her care team.

* Suggest. Then step out.
* Mother will make her own decisions.
* Mother deals with the consequences of her own decisions.

If that means a slow healing wound & a longer stay... so be it.

There is a world of difference between 'mean' & common sense. Calling someone 'mean' to get what you want sounds like manipulation to me.

Step back a bit. Since she doesn't want you at the appointment-fine. You don't have POA. Who does? Have you spoken with your sister about this?
Seems like you have little to no leverage in this situation. Ok. If your mother is fully capable to self care, your sister is MIA, ask the medical team why they contact you about your mother. Get this all sorted out to your satisfaction and if nessacary, move on. Does not seem like you're appreciated or needed by your mother at this point in her care.
You must keep your job, your sanity, your self respect, 'cause at the end of the day, that may be all you have once this is over and no sense in being destroyed by others selfishness.

Tell her cooperating with rehab is the way she gets out of there. There is no other way. You can't possibly deal with a festering wound by yourself. Let her know.