Any advice for how to handle neighbors that aren't happy with the level of care set up for a parent?

The 'nosy neighbors' could wind up doing your mother a huge favor by looking out for her. They can also wind up calling APS and reporting a vulnerable senior with dementia being left alone; all sorts of things can happen here. You have no control over how THEY choose to handle their anxiety over your mother being left alone for 20 hours per day in her condo.

You can tell the neighbors that you're looking into Memory Care AL for your mom, but there's nothing more you're going to do about the situation in the meantime. If they all APS, you'll deal with that matter if and when it happens.

My mother has advanced dementia these days & sundowns something awful; when it first began, she started declining around 2 pm every day and her agitation got progressively worse as the evening approached. As the others have said, dementia can turn on a dime, especially after a loved one passes away & the elder is traumatized & alone. I would seriously look into 24 hr a day care for your mother until she gets placed. That will calm down the neighbors fears and get them off of your back too, not to mention it will help YOU relax a bit more. More help is never a mistake; less help can often leave you with regrets.

My condolences on the loss of your father. Best of luck getting your mother placed asap. Please be sure it's Memory Care AL you look into and not regular AL.

I am with Grandma. Unless in the very early stage, a Dementia should not be left alone. If you have had to turn the stove off, your Mom should not be alone. Things can worsen overnight, literally. The Nurses I worked with, as a secretary, called it an episode. Your Dad probably covered up a lot and did for her what she couldn't. I would get her into an AL or MC asap. Be glad that her neighbors care. And like said, the Condo assoc. can call APS. What if your mother starts a fire or turns on the tub and forgets and does damage to another residents condo? Dementia has no rhyme or reason and very unpredictable.

Jaz, have you checked your Mom, via camera, in the middle of the night?

Why I ask is that when my Dad was living in Independent Living, Admin was suggesting it is time to move Dad to Memory Care, as he has been trying to leave the building in the middle of the night. That took me totally by surprise.

Me, I'd listen to the neighbors. They may have good reasons for their concerns.

Your mom has dementia AND thinks she's fine. That's the last person you should listen to on that.

Do the neighbors see her more than you do? They may have a better sense of what's going on with her than you realize.

Her cognizance may take a significant dive in the wake of your dad's death. In my mother's case, any medical or emotional crisis caused her to take a big drop from which she'd never quite recover. Dementia isn't a slow gradual decline -- sometimes there are big changes almost overnight.

Try to look two steps ahead in this scenario, because you need to be prepared for big changes that could occur at any time.

I am of the belief that someone with Dementia should not be left alone. My Husband “escaped” 3 times broad daylight while I was in the house. 2 times he walked away and another he took my car, police in the next state found him 13 hours later.
There is the possibility that the neighbors could place a call to APS. If and when that happens what will the response be when mom answers the door?
I think you need another plan. Either someone with her 24/7 or placement in a Memory Care community.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Well, it's kind of concerning that multiple neighbors are worried enough to get involved in the first place. And they see her every day. Unless you're living with the person with dementia you may not see the trouble they're routinely having. And a big life change is going to be tremendously disorienting for her.
That's a big loss for anyone, but worse for a person with dementia, as the routine they had with their partner gives structure to their day. The neighbor's are kind to be concerned about her.
Watching your mom online isn't going to help her if she gets into a jam. If she can't rescue herself then I'd get in the night sitter until you can find her a good AL or memory care.

Thanks for getting back to me. Yes, we've let them know that the stove is off, that we have cameras, etc. We asked them if they were worried about themselves. They replied that they did not have concerns re: their own safety, and it was only out of concern for my mother. We even mentioned that we were exploring assisted living. It seems like the only thing that would appease them is 24/7 live in care. This would be incredibly intrusive for my mother which is why ass't living is a better alternative. The condo president even replied to us that he didn't think this was an immediate concern. And that we had time to figure things out.

MJ1929,

The answer to your question on this thread about the neighbors being ignored is:

YES. They should be ignored and so should their "concerns". I'd be willing to bet that the poster and her sister didn't discuss the safety measures they've taken for their mother, or the status of her homecare aide service, or any other arrangements they've made for their mother with them or the rest of the community. It being none of their business and all. This being said most of their "concern" is speculation and based on their opinion about the situation.
If these people were truly concerned, instead of calling APS and snitching to every nurse and social worker they see, these people would talk to poster and her sister. They would ask what they can do to help if they were truly concerned for the mother's welfare and safety. None of the neighbors are doing that though.
What's more likely going on is there's a lot of elderly "Karens" living in the mother's neighborhood who have nothing better to do with their time than watch who comes and goes from their neighbor's house and to voice their "concerns" to whoever will listen.

Jaz129….my first inclination is to tell the nosy neighbors to mind their own business, you and sis have things under control for the immediate future. Sounds like y’all have covered all the bases, especially with regard to the condo manager, in keeping your mom as safe as possible for now. Best wishes to all three of you! Liz

I think it quite likely that the neighbors are worried to death what would happen to your mom if there was a fire, if she fell during the night or if she became ill.

Why does getting her into an AL take a long time? Have you identified a couple that are within her price range, perhaps near you?